When to Reconcile and When NOT to [podcast]

“Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and IF HE REPENT, forgive him. 4 And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him.” Luke 17:3-4

Though we should forgive from our hearts those who harm us, forgiving seems to be spoken of here as concerning bringing them back into fellowship. It’s one thing to forgive someone in your heart and another thing to continue to spend time and energy on a relationship with them.

Of this passage, John Wesley wrote:

“If he sin against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day return, saying, I repent – That is, if he give sufficient proof that he does really repent, after having sinned ever so often, receive him just as if he had never sinned against thee. But this forgiveness is due only to real penitents. In a lower sense we are to forgive all, penitent or impenitent; (so as to bear them the sincerest good will, and to do them all the good we can;) and that not seven times only, but seventy times seven.”

Wondering about reconciling with someone? You will know when someone should be back in your life when they truly repent and openly confess their sins before the LORD and their offence against you. And, until they do this, you can know they have not repented before the LORD. WHEN they truly repent before the LORD, He will send them back to you to sincerely admit they were wrong. Fruit. 

God requires that we forgive and yet, He also instructed us not to give our pearls to the swine – don’t put yourself in harms way unnecessarily by remaining in fellowship with those who have not truly repented and therefore are under the influence, the control of and operate according to the agenda of their father, the devil – to steal, to kill, and to destroy (Mark 11:25-26; Matthew 7:6; John 10:10).

“Neither give place to the devil.” Ephesians 4:27

God’s Word commands us to forgive and yet, this is qualified. That’s not all it says.

QUESTION RECEIVED:

“Are we to still forgive them even if they never repent to God or apologize to us? What is true forgiveness? The world has their ways but I want to know what it really looks like.”

We must of necessity view all things from the full counsel of God’s Word. Remember: It was the LOVE and MERCY manifested to the unrepentant fornicator which was the goodness of God which led him to repentance, lest he perish irrevocably in hell.

In Luke 17, Jesus seems to teach that we are not to let some offending brother back until they repent. He is not to be shown the LORD’s acceptance until he truly repents and that will always bring forth making amends with those he’s offended (fruit). Offending one of God’s children is punishable by eternal damnation:

“Then said he unto the disciples, It is impossible but that offences will come: but woe unto him, through whom they come! 2 It were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.” Luke 17:1-2

This teaching from our LORD seems to coincide with His teaching about not giving that which is holy to dogs (Matthew 7:6). Church Discipline

Forgive unconditionally from the heart yes and yet there’s the Luke 17:1-4 teaching.

PERHAPS we should today consider that God is attempting to protect His children. Following His wisdom, His Word, will do just that (Proverbs 30:5). Those who allow a swine, a heretic, to remain in close range, will again be stabbed in the back by that swine (Matthew 7:6; Titus 3:10). Swine – unrepentant evil doers are to be rejected (Titus 3:10). In this life, there are people you will have to forgive and also, to get out of your life, to keep them at a distance. Beware of the Swine

“Years ago I was hurt by a certain person, and when I found myself in a prayer meeting with that one lady I felt I should ask her for forgiveness if I had offended her someway and the Lord spoke clearly and immediately, saying, ‘Do not cast your pearls before swine’ and stopped me seconds before I asked.” Anita A.

Perhaps we can say that if we forgive too early, we may hurt someone – prevent them getting right with God due to the divine working of repentance not being able to take its full course.

“Now I rejoice, not that ye were made sorry, but that ye sorrowed to repentance: for ye were made sorry after a godly manner, that ye might receive damage by us in nothing. 10 For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.” 2 Corinthians 7:9-10

Repentance is a yielding to the conviction of the Spirit upon our conscience. Repentance is a work of God and yet GOD requires that we hearken to it. Repentance is an absolute work of God and yes He made it an essential (Luke 13:3, 5, etc.). Repentance is the very first word of the Gospel (Matthew 3:2; 4:17; Acts 2:38; 3:19; 17:30-31, etc.).

“True repentance is actually speaking of firstly an internal change more than outward expression or external change of behavior.”

The inward change by the working of the Spirit of God will always bring the fruit of that change on the outward (Matthew 3:7-10). In this case that would bring forth the fruit of an apology, readily confessing ones sin, wrongdoing – a leaving of ones gift before the altar until things are cleared up (Matthew 5:23-24; James 5:16).

“Now I rejoice, not that ye were made sorry, but that ye sorrowed to repentance: for ye were made sorry after a godly manner, that ye might receive damage by us in nothing. 10 For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.” 2 Corinthians 7:9-10 

Repentance is a gift and yet that gift must be received and CAN be rejected:

“And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient, 25 In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will GIVE (it’s a gift) them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth; 26 And that they may recover themselves out of the snare of the devil, who are taken captive by him at his will.” 2 Timothy 2:24-26 

Remember, when someone sins against God by deliberately harming a one of God’s people, it’s only because their own heart is not right with God.

The consequences for harming one of Christ’s people is severe and will be eternally irrevocably if that sinning soul isn’t brought to repentance. Jesus issues this severe warning:

“But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.” Matthew 18:6 

When a professing believer wrongs you, this is no excuse to retain hatred in your heart toward them even though there’s a separation and before there’s a reconciliation or restoring of fellowship. God will not forgive us lest we forgive others from our hearts (Matthew 6:14-16; 18:21-35; Mark 11:25-25).

God is not going to bless our lives unless we are willing to sincerely admit our sins, repent and confess them, and make amends (restitution) with anyone we’ve harmed (Proverbs 28:13). In the divine economy, there’s no such thing as being right with God when you’ve done another person wrong, haven’t repented, and haven’t made amends for what you’ve done. Such a person will be outside of the will and blessings of God until he makes things right with God and man (Matthew 5:23-24; 7:12; 22:37-39).

God will not answer the prayer of any person who does not honor and obey His Word and if a person has an outstanding offense He wants them to clear up these matters (Proverbs 28:9, 13).

The LORD requires that His people “examine” and “judge” themselves.

“Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves. Know ye not your own selves, how that Jesus Christ is in you, except ye be reprobates?   2 Corinthians 13:5

Examine and honest judge yourself and amend your ways or God will judge you.

“For if we would judge ourselves, we should not be judged. 32 But when we are judged, we are chastened of the Lord, that we should not be condemned with the world.” 1 Corinthians 11:31-32

Divine wisdom and mercy would have the offending, backslidden believer to be restored and He has chosen His people to be His “ministers of reconciliation” in such matters due to desiring that none should perish (2 Corinthians 5:18; 2 Peter 3:9).

When the believer forgives and restores an unrepentant sinning saint, giving that approval, they short circuit the repentance needed in the offending party and without which God will not forgive them. So, they stand in danger of hell fire.

Also, when we restore a departed saint who has not truly repented before God and rendered the fruit of true repentance by sincerely admitting and apologizing to us, we bring a “swine” back into our lives who will certainly stab us in the back again (Matthew 7:6). Jesus instructed us not to do this.

When you allow an offending person back into your life without them having truly repent and show that by their fruits, you have brought a swine in to wreak more havoc.

If you seek to reconcile with someone who has clearly attacked you without their real, sincere repentance before God and confession to you of their wrong doing, it’s just going to be a patch job that will again end tragically. They are still a “swine” until after they hearken to the LORD’s conviction and repent.