by Martin Bobgan, PhD.
Do children and adults really need self-esteem? Does low self-esteem lead to serious life problems? Should parents attempt to build self-esteem in their children? Does the Bible encourage self-esteem? Many Christians have assumptions about self-esteem. But, what does the Bible say? What does research say?
The Genesis of Self-Esteem
The self-esteem movement has its most recent roots in clinical psychology, namely in the personality theories of such men as William James, Alfred Adler, Erich Fromm, Abraham Maslow, and Carl Rogers. It became further popularized by their many followers. Nevertheless, the roots of the self-esteem movement reach further back into human history.
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The self-esteem movement began in the third chapter of Genesis. Initially Adam and Eve were God-conscious and aware of one another and their surroundings rather than being self-conscious. Their awareness of themselves was incidental and peripheral to their focus on God and one another. Adam realized that Eve was bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh, but he was not self-aware in the same sense that his descendants would be. Self was not the issue until the Fall.
Partaking of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil did not bring godly wisdom. It brought guilt, fear, and separation from God. Thus, when Adam and Eve heard God approaching, they hid in the bushes. But God saw them and asked, “Who told thee that thou wast naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat?” (Genesis 3:11).
Sinful Self
Adam and Eve answered with the first example of self-justification. First Adam blamed Eve and God, and then Eve blamed the serpent. The fruit of the knowledge of good and evil spawned the sinful self with all of its self-love, self-esteem, self-acceptance, self-justification, self-righteousness, self-actualization, self-denigration, self-pity and other forms of self-focus and self-centeredness.
The present Self-Etc. movement is thus rooted in Adam and Eve’s sin. Through the centuries mankind has continued to feast at the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, which has spread its branches of worldly wisdom. It has branched out into the vain philosophies of men and, more recently, the “scientized” philosophies and metaphysics of modern psychology.
Religious incantations for self-worth, self-love, and self-acceptance ooze out of the TV tube, drift across radio waves, and entice through advertising. From the cradle to the grave, self-promoters promise to cure all of society’s ills through doses of self-esteem, self-worth, self-acceptance, and self-love. And everyone, or nearly everyone echoes the refrain: “You just need to love and accept yourself the way you are. You just need to forgive yourself” and “I just have to accept myself the way I am. I’m worth it. I am a lovable, valuable, forgivable person.”
Christian Response to the World
How is the Christian to combat the thinking of the world, which glorifies the self and places self at the center as the be-all and end-all of existence? How is the Christian to be faithful to our Lord’s command to be in the world, but not of the world? Can he adopt and adapt the popular philosophy/psychology of his culture, or must he stand apart as one who has been set apart by God and view his culture by the light of the Word? Jesus said:
Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light (Matthew 11:28-30).
Here is a call to give up one’s own way and to come under the yoke of humility and service – an emphasis on yoking – on a teaching and living relationship. Jesus described His call for followers in different words, but to the same relationship and with the same intent, when He said:
If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it (Matthew 16:24-25).
No Self-Love Commandment
Jesus does not command self-love, but rather love for God and love for one another. The Bible presents an entirely different basis for love than humanistic psychology preaches. Rather than promoting self-love as the basis for loving others, the Bible says that God’s love is the true source. Human love is mixed with self-love and may be ultimately self-serving. But God’s love is self-giving. Therefore, when Jesus calls His disciples to deny self and to take up His yoke and His cross, He is calling them to a self-giving love, not a self-satisfying love. Until the advent of humanistic psychology and its heavy influence in the church, Christians generally thought of self-esteem as a sinful attitude.
In Part Two of this series, we will look at what the Bible says about self-love, particularly the Second Great Commandment, and what research says about self-esteem.
Part Two
Even though the Bible does not teach self-love, self-esteem, self-worth, or self-actualization as virtues, helps, or goals, a vast number of present-day Christians have been deceived by the self-teachings of humanistic psychology. Rather than resisting the enticement of the world they become culture-bound. Not only do they not resist the tidal wave of selfism; they are riding the crest of self-esteem, self- acceptance, and self-love. One can hardly tell the difference between the Christian and the non-Christian in the area of the self, except that the Christian adds God as the main source for his self-esteem, self-acceptance, self-worth, and self-love.
Through slogans, one-liners, and twisted Scripture, many Christians jump on the existential bandwagon of humanistic psychology and set up their own cheering section. Thus, any criticism voiced against the teachings of self-worth, self-love, and self-esteem is regarded as ipso facto proof that the speaker wants people to be miserable. Moreover, any criticism against the self-esteem movement is seen as dangerous to society, since self-esteem is considered to be the panacea for its ills. Then, in the church, if one does not wholly endorse a self-esteem theology, he is accused of promoting worm theology.
If there is one thing the world and many in the church have in common these days, it’s the psychology of self-esteem. Although Christians may disagree about some of the nuances of self-esteem, self-worth, and self-acceptance, and even on some of the finer points of definition and how it is attained, too many have joined forces against what they believe is a formidable enemy – low self-esteem. Yet, even the world cannot justify promoting high self-esteem through its own methods of research.
No Research Justification for Self-Esteem
A few years ago the California legislature passed a bill creating the California Task Force to Promote Self-Esteem and Personal and Social Responsibility. The legislature funded the bill with $245,000 a year for three years, for a total of $735,000. The twofold title of the Task Force was quite an assumption. No one has ever demonstrated that promoting self-esteem is in any way related to personal and social responsibility. Nor has anyone proved that all those who exhibit personal and social responsibility have high self-esteem. Self-esteem and social and personal responsibility actually appear to be negatively rather than positively related.
The Mission Statement of the Task Force is as follows:
- Seek to determine whether self-esteem, and personal and social responsibility are the keys to unlocking the secrets of healthy human development so that we can get to the roots of and develop effective solutions for major social problems and to develop and provide for every Californian the latest knowledge and practices regarding the significance of self-esteem, and personal and social responsibility.1
The Task Force believed that esteeming oneself and growing in self-esteem would reduce “dramatically the epidemic levels of social problems we currently face.”2
Is There a Positive Relationship Between High or Low Self-Esteem and Personal and Social Responsibility?
In order to investigate this relationship the state Task Force hired eight professors from the University of California to look at the research on self-esteem as it relates to the six following areas:
1. Crime, violence and recidivism.
2. Alcohol and drug abuse.
3. Welfare dependency.
4. Teenage pregnancy.
5. Child and spousal abuse.
6. Children failing to learn in school.
Seven of the professors researched the above areas and the eighth professor summarized the results. The results were then published in a book titled The Social Importance of Self-Esteem.3 Has the relationship been established between self-esteem and social problems? David L. Kirk, syndicated writer for the San Francisco Examiner,4 said it bluntly:
- That . . . scholarly tome, The Social Importance of Self-Esteem, summarizes all the research on the subject in the stultifyingly boring prose of wannabe scientists. Save yourself the 40 bucks the book costs and head straight for the conclusion: There is precious little evidence that self-esteem is the cause of our social ills.
Even though they searched for a connection between low self-esteem and problematic behavior, they could not find a cause and effect link. However, more recent studies indicate a definite relationship between violent behavior and high self-esteem. Nevertheless, faith in self-esteem dies hard and schools continue to work on building high self-esteem.
Worse than the continuance of self-esteem teachings in the world is the faith that Christians continue to place in self-esteem and self-worth teachings. Thus, the secular self-esteem movement is not a frontal attack against the Bible with the battle-lines clearly displayed. Instead it is skillfully subversive and is truly the work, not of flesh and blood, but of principalities, powers, the rulers of darkness of this world, and spiritual wickedness in high places, just as delineated by Paul near the end of Ephesians. The sad thing is that many Christians are not alert to the dangers. More than we can number are being subtly deceived into another gospel: the gospel of self.
Biblical Love
Jesus calls His own into a love relationship with Himself and with one another. Their joy is to be found in Him, not in self. Their love comes from His love for them. Thus, their love for one another does not come from self-love or self-esteem, nor does it enhance self-esteem. The emphasis is on relationship, fruitfulness, and readiness to be rejected by the world. A believer’s identification is in Jesus to the point of suffering and following Him to the cross. Only through strained semantics, labored logic and exploited exegesis can one even attempt to demonstrate that self-esteem is biblical or even a part of the church tradition or teaching.
The focus of love in the Bible is upward and outward instead of inward. Love is both an attitude and action to one another. And while love may include sentiment and emotional affection, it is primarily volitional action for the glory of God and the good of others. Thus when Jesus said, “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength” (Mark 12:30), He was saying that all of our being is to be committed to loving and, therefore, pleasing God. Love for God is expressed with a thankful heart committed to doing what pleases God according to what has been revealed in the Bible. It is not a grudging kind of obedience, but an eagerness to conform to His gracious will and to agree with God that He is the source and standard for all that is right and good.
The Second commandment is an extension or expression of the First Commandment: “Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself” (Mark 12:31). John elaborates on this. He describes the sequence of love. In contrast to the teachers of self-love, who say that people cannot love God and others until they love themselves, John says that love originates with God and then extends to others:
- We love Him because He first loved us. If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen? And this commandment have we from Him, that he who loveth God love his brother also (1 John 4:19-21).
God loved us first, which enables us to love Him, which then expresses itself in love for one another.
From Adam’s first breath, mankind was designed to live in relationship with God, not as autonomous selves. The entire Bible rests on that relationship, for after Jesus answered the Pharisee by saying that the Greatest Commandment is to love God and the second is to love neighbor as oneself, He said: “On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets” (Matthew 22:40). Jesus came to save us from self and to reestablish that love relationship for which we were created. Through the centuries books have been written about loving God and loving one another. However, today the church is increasingly inundated with books telling us how to love ourselves better, esteem ourselves more, accept ourselves no matter what, and build our own self-worth.
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End Notes
1 California Task Force to Promote Self-Esteem and Personal and Social Responsibility. “1987 Annual Report to the Governor and the Legislature,” p. V.
2 Andrew M. Mecca, “Chairman’s Report.” Esteem, Vol. 2, No. 1, February 1988, p. 1.
3 Andrew M. Mecca, Neil J. Smelser, and John Vasconcellos, eds. The Social Importance of Self-Esteem. Berkeley: University of California Press, 1989.
4 David L. Kirk, “Lack of Self Esteem is Not the Root of All Ills.” Santa Barbara News-Press, 15 January 1990.
More on PsychoHeresy here.
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Abiding
Mary hath Chosen that Good Part [podcast]

Luke 10:38-42
Mary = loving relationship with Jesus, not just being busy with doing, with labor, with performing works such as what Martha was doing. First and foremost, Jesus saved us for relationship with Him and the Father (John 17:3). And here our Savior expresses that knowing, loving, adoring, and listening to Him are at a divine premium, they are most important to God. That’s what God desires – for us to delight ourselves in Him (Psalms 37:4).
“Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.” Psalms 37:4
David’s brothers looked the part but they couldn’t and wouldn’t even face Goliath, much less slay him. David though, was spending time alone with the LORD, listening to His voice and tending to the sheep. He who is the only man God ever said was “a man after mine own heart,” was used mightily of God to slay the giant (Acts 13:22; 1 Samuel 17).
Isn’t this how we are with our children? Wouldn’t every parent rather their precious children sit in their mom or dad’s lap telling their parent how much they (the child) loves them (the parent)? That’s the biggest heart melt we know, right?
Like David, the most powerfully used warriors are first worshippers.
Our real, our genuine relationship with the LORD is that place out of which His power and grace (divine enablement) will flow. Like David, we must be primarily, and first and foremost worshippers. Out of that rich communion with the Savior will flow the warrior anointing of the LORD who is “a man of war” (Exodus 15:3).
Many who sense the call of God on their lives to minister go to seminary. Sad. We must go to God ourselves – in prayer, a life of prayer, relentlessly seeking His holy face in His Word for ourselves.
“But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.” Matthew 6:6
Private prayer with the LORD precedes God using us. Those who seek God in “secret” will be “openly” rewarded by Him.
“The little estimate we put on prayer is evidence from the little time we give to it.” EM Bounds
“A sinning man stops praying. A praying man stops sinning.” – Leonard Ravenhill
Luke 10
38 Now it came to pass, as they went, that he entered into a certain village: and a certain woman named Martha received him into her house.
39 And she had a sister called Mary, which also sat at Jesus’ feet, and heard his word.
40 But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to him, and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me.
41 And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things:
42 But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.
“Mary hath Chosen that Good Part”
The “good part” Mary chose consists of…
- Mary made the only wise choice “Mary hath chosen.”
- Mary put Jesus first. She put the Savior first, not herself or her idea of what it meant to serve Him.
- Jesus says here that choosing to put and keep Him first is the “one thing [that] is needful” or most necessary (v39, 42).
- Sitting before Jesus Himself and not searching for God outside of God Himself, primarily that is. All other learning is supplemental and subservient to that which the LORD tells us specifically, in His Word.
Worshippers become the most powerful workers God uses!
Like many today who are shallow rooted, Martha was a worker but not first and foremost a worshipper. Mary was a worshipper who loved to spend time with Jesus. Therefore she was empowered by God Himself via that fellowship with Him to walk in His holy compassion and to do His works with His power and for His glory (1 Corinthians 15:10).
When our works are not fruitful as they should be, perhaps it can be traced back to our lack of fellowship with our LORD. As we fellowship with Him, putting Him first and not ourselves, our vessel, our cup will run over with His goodness…. it will spill over onto others! (See Psalms 23:5.) That’s when our labor will carry His eternal weight of glory (2 Corinthians 4:17).
“Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.” Psalms 23:5
When Jesus came, it was God bringing Heaven to the people – to forgive their sins and make them whole (Matthew 9:6). This was the foretold fulfillment of His kingdom coming on earth as it is in heaven (Matthew 6:10).
When Jesus came, He went to the people, to heal, to save, to make whole (Matthew 9:35-38; Acts 10:38, etc.).
As we go, Jesus is with us, “even unto the end of the world. Amen” (Matthew 28:20).
Daily, our LORD is using His people to bring Heaven to the people. As the Holy Spirit fills our lives, His blessed presence and fruit in our lives is going to over overflow onto others.
A sister in Christ once told me that “The best Marthas are first Marys.” Think about that one in light of what we read in this passage when Jesus visited the home of Mary and Martha (Luke 10:38-42). Those who sit at Jesus’ feet to hear His holy counsel, are changed into His image and become reservoirs for His blessed glory. Their cups run over onto others!
“Prayer is of transcendent importance. Prayer is the mightiest agent to advance God’s work. Praying hearts and hands only can do God’s work. Prayer succeeds when all else fails.” E.M. Bounds
When worshiping Jesus is our first priority, the work He uses us to do WILL carry His unction and bring fruit to bear for His eternal glory.
Rote obedience to minister to others, while not anchored in intimacy with our LORD, will not yield an abundant harvest, fruit. In contrast, we can be blessed to have God’s power and grace to do His work and that happens as we are truly communing, fellowshipping in the construct of that oneness relationship He made us for (John 15; 17).
Knowing God’s Word and obeying Him is not an automatic progression (John 8:31-36). One can know the Bible and not its Author. Or, one can know the Bible well and not know the Author well (Job 22:21-28). Obeying God’s Word requires knowing Him, abiding in an intimate fellowship with Him, thereby enabling that saint the grace (divine enablement) to obey Him (John 5:39-40; 7:17; 14:21-23; 15:1-16, etc.).
Martha “received him.” Many of us have “received” Jesus, have been saved by Him (John 1:12), yet like Martha we aren’t sitting at His holy feet, listening to Him speak through His Word. Like Martha, we also are “cumbered about much serving.”
It should be understood that our work can exceed our worship, our hospitality can exceed our holiness, our serving can exceed our sanctification, etc. That would be defined as imbalance (Proverbs 11:1).
In Luke 10:38-42, notice that Mary sat directly at Jesus’ feet and no other. When we arise in the morning to commune with the LORD, such is to be direct communication between you and Him, alone (Matthew 6:6). That would mean perhaps that when you arise in the morning you aren’t reading some other book about God or turning on a podcast or TV program to find and commune with the LORD. No, those things involve others. We must directly commune with the LORD in prayer and in HIS Word. How else shall we be able to discern the “MANY false prophets” Jesus warned us “shall deceive many”? (Read Matthew 24:11; 1 John 4:1.) How can we know the counterfeit if we don’t know the real? We can’t.
In principle, Martha is a person like Cain, a person who chose to do things their own way, not God’s – because they are not truly submitted to God. Does that describe your life friend? Jesus calls us home to Himself (Matthew 11:28-30).
Are we attempting to serve the LORD on our own terms or are we sitting before Him, hearing His voice as we are worshipfully, joyfully submitted to Him on His stated terms?
“The men who have done mighty things for God have always been mighty in prayer, have well understood the possibilities of prayer, and made the most of these possibilities. The Son of God, the first of all and the mightiest of all, has shown us the all-potent and far reaching possibilities of prayer. Paul was mighty for because he knew, how to use, and how to get others to use, the mighty spiritual forces of prayer.” EM Bounds, The Complete Works of E.M. Bounds on Prayer, P. 341
When we are brought to the point of true repentance it will be obvious in that we will do things God’s way and no longer our own. Like Mary, we will be settled at His feet, hearing His Word, His voice. The Mary person is in love with and submitted to the LORD and Savior she so joyfully worships.
“Jesus never taught His disciples how to preach, only how to pray. To know how to speak to God is more than knowing how to speak to people. Power with God is the first thing, not power with people. Christ loves to teach us how to pray.” –Andrew Murray, With Christ in the School of Prayer, pp. xxiii-xxiv
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Apostasy
Modern Day Frauds and How They Operate [RADIO]

THIS is so very important! Please listen and share to help others (Ezekiel 44:23).
“And they shall teach my people the difference between the holy and profane, and cause them to discern between the unclean and the clean.” Ezekiel 44:23
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Abiding
Putting God First [podcast]

If God’s Word isn’t important to you, it’s because He isn’t important to you.
If anything comes before the LORD in your day, you are an idolater.
“Thou shalt have no other gods before me.” Exodus 20:3
GOD’s WORD cannot get into you if you aren’t into it.
“Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.” 2 Timothy 2:15
Jesus commanded:
“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” Matthew 6:33
As you seek God, putting Him first, you are not going to be able to prevent, to stop His blessings coming upon your life. 100%
Memorize this promise from your Savior, today.
“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” Matthew 6:33
What putting Christ first looks like:
Prayer.
“Early will I seek thee.” Psalms 63:1
Read. Study.
“Neither have I gone back from the commandment of his lips; I have esteemed the words of his mouth more than my necessary food. Job 23:12
The Bible is far from just amazing information (Psalms 119:98-100; 2 Peter 1:3-4, etc.). More important than vital information coming from our Maker, God’s Word is your spiritual food and without it, without daily ingesting it, you will famish, fall, and ultimately perish.
“As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby:” 1 Peter 2:2
Read that again: The only way to “grow” is to “desire” and to devour the Word of your great God and King Jesus. He made you to know Him (John 17:3).
The only way to keep, to guard your heart before the LORD, is to keep it full of God’s Word.
“Keep (guard, till the soil of) thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.” Proverbs 4:23
In fact, like Job, we must make the spiritual food of God’s Word more important than the food that fuels and keeps healthy our physical body.
“Neither have I gone back from the commandment of his lips; I have esteemed the words of his mouth more than my necessary food.” Job 23:12
“He taught me also, and said unto me, Let thine heart RETAIN my words: keep my commandments, and live.” Proverbs 4:4
“Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.
2 But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.
3 And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.” Psalms 1
Find. Eat. Rejoice.
“Thy words were found, and I did eat them; and thy word was unto me the joy and rejoicing of mine heart: for I am called by thy name, O Lord God of hosts.” Jeremiah 15:16
YOUR PRAYER: Father please unite my heart to fear Thy name. Forgive my sins of spiritual adultery, of self-idolatry. Here and now I renounce my own ownership on my life. It’s Your life LORD. Reign on the throne of this heart and cut away, circumcise any and everything of iniquity in my heart and life. You must increase but I must decrease, in Jesus’ name. Amen.
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