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Self-Esteem For Christians?

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by Martin Bobgan, PhD.

Do children and adults really need self-esteem? Does low self-esteem lead to serious life problems? Should parents attempt to build self-esteem in their children? Does the Bible encourage self-esteem? Many Christians have assumptions about self-esteem. But, what does the Bible say? What does research say?

The Genesis of Self-Esteem

The self-esteem movement has its most recent roots in clinical psychology, namely in the personality theories of such men as William James, Alfred Adler, Erich Fromm, Abraham Maslow, and Carl Rogers. It became further popularized by their many followers. Nevertheless, the roots of the self-esteem movement reach further back into human history.

What is the LIE of the Ages? Find out in this revolutionary new book.

The self-esteem movement began in the third chapter of Genesis. Initially Adam and Eve were God-conscious and aware of one another and their surroundings rather than being self-conscious. Their awareness of themselves was incidental and peripheral to their focus on God and one another. Adam realized that Eve was bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh, but he was not self-aware in the same sense that his descendants would be. Self was not the issue until the Fall.

Partaking of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil did not bring godly wisdom. It brought guilt, fear, and separation from God. Thus, when Adam and Eve heard God approaching, they hid in the bushes. But God saw them and asked, “Who told thee that thou wast naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat?” (Genesis 3:11).

Sinful Self

Adam and Eve answered with the first example of self-justification. First Adam blamed Eve and God, and then Eve blamed the serpent. The fruit of the knowledge of good and evil spawned the sinful self with all of its self-love, self-esteem, self-acceptance, self-justification, self-righteousness, self-actualization, self-denigration, self-pity and other forms of self-focus and self-centeredness.

The present Self-Etc. movement is thus rooted in Adam and Eve’s sin. Through the centuries mankind has continued to feast at the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, which has spread its branches of worldly wisdom. It has branched out into the vain philosophies of men and, more recently, the “scientized” philosophies and metaphysics of modern psychology.

Religious incantations for self-worth, self-love, and self-acceptance ooze out of the TV tube, drift across radio waves, and entice through advertising. From the cradle to the grave, self-promoters promise to cure all of society’s ills through doses of self-esteem, self-worth, self-acceptance, and self-love. And everyone, or nearly everyone echoes the refrain: “You just need to love and accept yourself the way you are. You just need to forgive yourself” and “I just have to accept myself the way I am. I’m worth it. I am a lovable, valuable, forgivable person.”

Christian Response to the World

How is the Christian to combat the thinking of the world, which glorifies the self and places self at the center as the be-all and end-all of existence? How is the Christian to be faithful to our Lord’s command to be in the world, but not of the world? Can he adopt and adapt the popular philosophy/psychology of his culture, or must he stand apart as one who has been set apart by God and view his culture by the light of the Word? Jesus said:

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light (Matthew 11:28-30).

Here is a call to give up one’s own way and to come under the yoke of humility and service – an emphasis on yoking – on a teaching and living relationship. Jesus described His call for followers in different words, but to the same relationship and with the same intent, when He said:

If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it (Matthew 16:24-25).

No Self-Love Commandment

Jesus does not command self-love, but rather love for God and love for one another. The Bible presents an entirely different basis for love than humanistic psychology preaches. Rather than promoting self-love as the basis for loving others, the Bible says that God’s love is the true source. Human love is mixed with self-love and may be ultimately self-serving. But God’s love is self-giving. Therefore, when Jesus calls His disciples to deny self and to take up His yoke and His cross, He is calling them to a self-giving love, not a self-satisfying love. Until the advent of humanistic psychology and its heavy influence in the church, Christians generally thought of self-esteem as a sinful attitude.

In Part Two of this series, we will look at what the Bible says about self-love, particularly the Second Great Commandment, and what research says about self-esteem.

Part Two

Even though the Bible does not teach self-love, self-esteem, self-worth, or self-actualization as virtues, helps, or goals, a vast number of present-day Christians have been deceived by the self-teachings of humanistic psychology. Rather than resisting the enticement of the world they become culture-bound. Not only do they not resist the tidal wave of selfism; they are riding the crest of self-esteem, self- acceptance, and self-love. One can hardly tell the difference between the Christian and the non-Christian in the area of the self, except that the Christian adds God as the main source for his self-esteem, self-acceptance, self-worth, and self-love.

Through slogans, one-liners, and twisted Scripture, many Christians jump on the existential bandwagon of humanistic psychology and set up their own cheering section. Thus, any criticism voiced against the teachings of self-worth, self-love, and self-esteem is regarded as ipso facto proof that the speaker wants people to be miserable. Moreover, any criticism against the self-esteem movement is seen as dangerous to society, since self-esteem is considered to be the panacea for its ills. Then, in the church, if one does not wholly endorse a self-esteem theology, he is accused of promoting worm theology.

If there is one thing the world and many in the church have in common these days, it’s the psychology of self-esteem. Although Christians may disagree about some of the nuances of self-esteem, self-worth, and self-acceptance, and even on some of the finer points of definition and how it is attained, too many have joined forces against what they believe is a formidable enemy – low self-esteem. Yet, even the world cannot justify promoting high self-esteem through its own methods of research.

No Research Justification for Self-Esteem

A few years ago the California legislature passed a bill creating the California Task Force to Promote Self-Esteem and Personal and Social Responsibility. The legislature funded the bill with $245,000 a year for three years, for a total of $735,000. The twofold title of the Task Force was quite an assumption. No one has ever demonstrated that promoting self-esteem is in any way related to personal and social responsibility. Nor has anyone proved that all those who exhibit personal and social responsibility have high self-esteem. Self-esteem and social and personal responsibility actually appear to be negatively rather than positively related.

The Mission Statement of the Task Force is as follows:

Seek to determine whether self-esteem, and personal and social responsibility are the keys to unlocking the secrets of healthy human development so that we can get to the roots of and develop effective solutions for major social problems and to develop and provide for every Californian the latest knowledge and practices regarding the significance of self-esteem, and personal and social responsibility.1

The Task Force believed that esteeming oneself and growing in self-esteem would reduce “dramatically the epidemic levels of social problems we currently face.”2

Is There a Positive Relationship Between High or Low Self-Esteem and Personal and Social Responsibility?

In order to investigate this relationship the state Task Force hired eight professors from the University of California to look at the research on self-esteem as it relates to the six following areas:

1. Crime, violence and recidivism.
2. Alcohol and drug abuse.
3. Welfare dependency.
4. Teenage pregnancy.
5. Child and spousal abuse.
6. Children failing to learn in school.

Seven of the professors researched the above areas and the eighth professor summarized the results. The results were then published in a book titled The Social Importance of Self-Esteem.3 Has the relationship been established between self-esteem and social problems? David L. Kirk, syndicated writer for the San Francisco Examiner,4 said it bluntly:

That . . . scholarly tome, The Social Importance of Self-Esteem, summarizes all the research on the subject in the stultifyingly boring prose of wannabe scientists. Save yourself the 40 bucks the book costs and head straight for the conclusion: There is precious little evidence that self-esteem is the cause of our social ills.

Even though they searched for a connection between low self-esteem and problematic behavior, they could not find a cause and effect link. However, more recent studies indicate a definite relationship between violent behavior and high self-esteem. Nevertheless, faith in self-esteem dies hard and schools continue to work on building high self-esteem.

Worse than the continuance of self-esteem teachings in the world is the faith that Christians continue to place in self-esteem and self-worth teachings. Thus, the secular self-esteem movement is not a frontal attack against the Bible with the battle-lines clearly displayed. Instead it is skillfully subversive and is truly the work, not of flesh and blood, but of principalities, powers, the rulers of darkness of this world, and spiritual wickedness in high places, just as delineated by Paul near the end of Ephesians. The sad thing is that many Christians are not alert to the dangers. More than we can number are being subtly deceived into another gospel: the gospel of self.

Biblical Love

Jesus calls His own into a love relationship with Himself and with one another. Their joy is to be found in Him, not in self. Their love comes from His love for them. Thus, their love for one another does not come from self-love or self-esteem, nor does it enhance self-esteem. The emphasis is on relationship, fruitfulness, and readiness to be rejected by the world. A believer’s identification is in Jesus to the point of suffering and following Him to the cross. Only through strained semantics, labored logic and exploited exegesis can one even attempt to demonstrate that self-esteem is biblical or even a part of the church tradition or teaching.

The focus of love in the Bible is upward and outward instead of inward. Love is both an attitude and action to one another. And while love may include sentiment and emotional affection, it is primarily volitional action for the glory of God and the good of others. Thus when Jesus said, “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength” (Mark 12:30), He was saying that all of our being is to be committed to loving and, therefore, pleasing God. Love for God is expressed with a thankful heart committed to doing what pleases God according to what has been revealed in the Bible. It is not a grudging kind of obedience, but an eagerness to conform to His gracious will and to agree with God that He is the source and standard for all that is right and good.

The Second commandment is an extension or expression of the First Commandment: “Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself” (Mark 12:31). John elaborates on this. He describes the sequence of love. In contrast to the teachers of self-love, who say that people cannot love God and others until they love themselves, John says that love originates with God and then extends to others:

We love Him because He first loved us. If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen? And this commandment have we from Him, that he who loveth God love his brother also (1 John 4:19-21).

God loved us first, which enables us to love Him, which then expresses itself in love for one another.

From Adam’s first breath, mankind was designed to live in relationship with God, not as autonomous selves. The entire Bible rests on that relationship, for after Jesus answered the Pharisee by saying that the Greatest Commandment is to love God and the second is to love neighbor as oneself, He said: “On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets” (Matthew 22:40). Jesus came to save us from self and to reestablish that love relationship for which we were created. Through the centuries books have been written about loving God and loving one another. However, today the church is increasingly inundated with books telling us how to love ourselves better, esteem ourselves more, accept ourselves no matter what, and build our own self-worth.

End Notes
1 California Task Force to Promote Self-Esteem and Personal and Social Responsibility. “1987 Annual Report to the Governor and the Legislature,” p. V.
2 Andrew M. Mecca, “Chairman’s Report.” Esteem, Vol. 2, No. 1, February 1988, p. 1.
3 Andrew M. Mecca, Neil J. Smelser, and John Vasconcellos, eds. The Social Importance of Self-Esteem. Berkeley: University of California Press, 1989.
4 David L. Kirk, “Lack of Self Esteem is Not the Root of All Ills.” Santa Barbara News-Press, 15 January 1990.

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“Solitary” simply means uninhabited.

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Backsliding begins with neglect of our relationship, our prayer life, our life of prayer with our LORD and Savior.

“Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” Matthew 26:41

I will either pray my way into glory, or I will not be there. Matthew 26:41

Prayer: Heavenly Father, I return to You now. Please forgive my sin of prayerlessness. Break me LORD. In Jesus’ name, amen.

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Lust
Idolatry
Fornication
Tempting Christ
Murmuring

This simple acronym should help us to remember these sins and remain separate from them as we grow today to know and love our Savior more fervently. “Keep thyself pure” (1 Timothy 5:22).

Committing the sin is one thing (1 John 1:8-10, right) and refusing to repent of it is yet another. Refusing to acknowledge, repent, confess, and cease is what snares the soul and ousts us from Christ (Proverbs 28:13).

“He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy.” Proverbs 28:13

If the Holy Spirit has quickened any offences of your heart, simply L.I.F.T.M. up to Christ the Redeemer, Forgiver, Cleanser, and Transformer of lives.

Fornication Defiles

“It is reported commonly that there is fornication among you, and such fornication as is not so much as named among the Gentiles, that one should have (Gr. possessed and wouldn’t repent) his father’s wife. 2 And ye are puffed up, and have not rather mourned, that he that hath done this deed might be taken away from among you.” 1 Corinthians 5:1-2

1 Corinthians 10 completely destroys the OSAS / eternal security argument.

Notice the word “OUR” in verses 6 and 11. This is directly spoken to warn NEW Testament saints that they are going to hell if they live and die in sin.

Case closed.

1 Corinthians 10:1-12

1 Moreover, brethren, I would not that ye should be ignorant, how that all our fathers were under the cloud, and all passed through the sea;

2 And were all baptized unto Moses in the cloud and in the sea;

3 And did all eat the same spiritual meat;

4 And did all drink the same spiritual drink: for they drank of that spiritual Rock that followed them: and that Rock was Christ.

5 But with many of them God was not well pleased: for they were overthrown in the wilderness.

6 Now these things were OUR examples, to the intent we should not lust after evil things, as they also LUSTED.

7 Neither be ye IDOLATERS, as were some of them; as it is written, The people sat down to eat and drink, and rose up to play.

8 Neither let us commit FORNICATION, as some of them committed, and fell in one day three and twenty thousand.

9 Neither let us TEMPT CHRIST, as some of them also tempted, and were destroyed of serpents.

10 Neither MURMUR ye, as some of them also murmured, and were destroyed of the destroyer.

11 Now all these things happened unto them for ensamples: and they are written for OUR admonition, upon whom the ends of the world are come.

12 Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall.

13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

The cross. Christ raises up those who are crcified with Him – outside of which no man can overcome sin. Romans 6.

“But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway.” 1 Corinthians 9:27

Eternal security is a false teaching. 1 sin separated Adam and Eve from God and “The wages of sin is (still) death” because God is Holy (Rom 6:23, etc.). Moral coward counterfeits hate, despise the Gospel essential of the cross, the crucified life. They want Jesus to save them to Heaven but not from sin. These are the sin-justifying, grace-perverting “ungodly men” Jude warned us about (Jude 4).

The divine declaration that “The wages of sin is death” which means separation from God, appears throughout Scripture (Romans 6:23).

“He that keepeth the commandment keepeth his own soul; but he that despiseth his ways shall die.” Proverbs 19:16

Die or death always means separation.

OSAS/eternal security is a lie from hell. OSAS was Satan’s first lie and so it’s blasphemy to teach this doctrine of devils and claim it’s part of the Gospel. You are attributing Satan’s lie to the LORD Jesus. Repent now sinner. See Genesis 2:17; 3:4; Romans 11:20-22; 1 Timothy 4:1; Hebrews 3:6, 12-14; 10:26-39; 2 Peter 2:20-21; Jude 4, etc..

The concept of an un-conditional eternal security is not established in Scripture … Except for it being Satan’s first teaching, His first lie – the “Ye shall NOT surely die” lie (Genesis 2:17; 3:4).

“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26 that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27 that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.” Ephesians 5:25-27

“Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honour to him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife hath made herself ready. 8 And to her was granted that she should be arrayed in fine linen, clean and white: for the fine linen is the righteousness of saints. 9 And he saith unto me, Write, Blessed are they which are called unto the marriage supper of the Lamb. And he saith unto me, These are the true sayings of God.” Revelation 19:7-9

“Having therefore these promises, dearly beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God.” 2 Corinthians 7:1

“And every man that hath this hope in him purifieth himself, even as he is pure.” 1 John 3:3

“Psalms 51:1-19
Psalm 51: Sweet Perfumes of Penitence
Alexander Maclaren once said, ‘The alchemy of divine love can extract sweet perfumes of penitence and praise out of the filth of sin.’ We have an illustration of this in Psalm 51. As the heading explains, it was written by David after Nathan the prophet had boldly exposed him for committing adultery with Bathsheba and for murdering Uriah. Utterly convicted of his sin, David pours out this torrent of penitence from his broken and contrite heart.” Believer’s Bible Commentary

Read and pray Psalm 51.

Prayer of Returning: Holy Father, You gave all when You gave Your only begotten Son who came and died for our sins. You’ve also called me to lay down my life, to lose my life in this fleeting world. I have not done well at giving over my life to You … You alone who are worthy of my full, unreserved worship. Right this moment I ask You to forgive my sin of having another god before You which is self idolatry and spiritual adultery. I have alienated the affections of my heart away from You LORD and onto myself. For this I ask You to forgive me and I right here and now turn to You Jesus. Right this moment I lay my life in Your holy hands LORD. Into Your hands I submit my spirit – my whole being. Not my will but Thine be done LORD Jesus! I am no longer my own. I am Yours. I am dead and my life is hid with Christ in God. I love You Jesus and am ceaselessly grateful that You bought me with the price of Your own blood! You must increase but I must decrease. I ask You to unite my heart to fear Thy holy name! Teach me daily to lay myself aside and to give the reins over to You! In Jesus’ Name, amen.

Eternal Security/Once saved always saved is a lie from hell.

If you truly desire to know more about how to really know the LORD, go here: Born Again: What is It?

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Purifying Ourselves even as He is Pure [podcast]

Ready or Not – Jesus is Coming

“And every man that hath this hope in him purifieth himself, even as he is pure.” 1 John 3:3

Here’s how you know if you are ready to meet Jesus—whether by dying or His soon return. The context of the Bible verse above is the return of Jesus and being ready for it (1 John 2:24-3:3). Those who live for Christ long to see Him and look expectantly for His soon return. This world is not their
home.

“But as he which hath called you is holy, so be ye holy in all manner of conversation; 16 Because it is written, Be ye holy; for I am holy.” 1 Peter 1:15-16

God is holy and He says to …

“Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord:” Hebrews 12:14

Holiness simply means pure, sanctified.

Clearing out everything that defiles us in His holy eyes is the sign that we are living in fervent expectation of our LORD’s return for His bride.

“His wife hath made herself ready”

“Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honour to him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife hath made herself ready. 8 And to her was granted that she should be arrayed in fine linen, clean and white: for the fine linen is the righteousness of saints. 9 And he saith unto me, Write, Blessed are they which are called unto the marriage supper of the Lamb. And he saith unto me, These are the true sayings of God.” Revelation 19:7-9

We see here again, the earmark fruit of the Heaven bound remnant of Christ, the bride of Christ – “his wife hath made herself ready.”

2 ways to purification

The precious blood of Jesus (Matthew 26:28; 1 Peter 1:18-19; 1 John 1:7
The washing of water by the Word of God (Ephesians 5:26).

Washed in His Precious Blood

“Forasmuch as ye know that ye were not redeemed with corruptible things, as silver and gold, from your vain conversation received by tradition from your fathers; 19 But with the precious blood of Christ, as of a lamb without blemish and without spot:” 1 Peter 1:18-19

The Washing of Water by the Word

“Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.” Ephesians 5:25-27

Your present spiritual state is what matters most to God. In Ephesians 5:25-27 carefully note the state of the Church—the people for whom Jesus will soon return.

Those not purifying their lives (washing daily in the blood and water of His Word), do not live daily with the hope of Christ’s return.

Memorize 1 John 3:3 today.

“And have no root in themselves, and so endure but for a time: afterward, when affliction or persecution ariseth for the word’s sake, immediately they are offended. 18 And these are they which are sown among thorns; such as hear the word, 19 And the cares of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, and the lusts of other things entering in, choke the word, and it becometh unfruitful.” Mark 4:17-19

Jesus warns us here of …

the cares of this world,
and the deceitfulness of riches
and the lusts of other things

We are “espoused” to Christ the Bridegroom. We are not yet married to Him and will not be if we are not purifying ourselves before Him (2 Corinthians 11:2).

“For I am jealous over you with godly jealousy: for I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ.” 2 Corinthians 11:2

All 10 virgins in Jesus’ parable were engaged, invited to attend the the marriage, the wedding (Matthew 25:1-13). Only 5 of them made it in and the other 5 were rejected. Why?

One source summates the importance of the parable of the 10 virgins – where 5 made it and the other 5 were shut out.

“The parable of the ten virgins teaches about spiritual readiness for the return of Jesus Christ, with five wise virgins who prepared by bringing extra oil for their lamps and five foolish virgins who did not. The foolish virgins were turned away by the bridegroom when he arrived, as they were unprepared and missed the feast. The parable, found in Matthew 25:1-13, encourages constant vigilance and preparation for the unknown time of Christ’s coming.”

Here is a picture of our abiding fellowship and relationship with Jesus…..

“Nevertheless I am continually with thee: thou hast holden me by my right hand. 24 Thou shalt guide me with thy counsel, and afterward receive me to glory.” Psalms 73:23-24

When your vessel is full of the oil of Heaven via fellowship, you will be purifying your life of everything that defiles you in His holy eyes, in the eyes of the Great Bridegroom.

We are no longer our own. We are Christ’s. He bought us, purchased us back to Himself and the Father with His blood.

“What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? 20 For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.” 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

“The flesh and spirit”

“Having therefore these promises, dearly beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God.” 2 Corinthians 7:1

Prayer: Father, I know You are holy and will have Your holy Bride whom Jesus died to purchase. Please purify my heart, mind and life of all that defiles. Make me holy dear LORD, as You alone can do. In Jesus’ name, amen.

“Loved this podcast. I think it was important to stress that women need to be submitted to their husbands as our country is infested with Jezebels. Who refuse to lay down their lives and submit to God and their husbands. Who can find a virtuous woman? Proverbs 31:10. Do men ask that question? And more importantly our relationship with our husbands is a direct result of our relationship with the Lord. If a woman is not submitted to Jesus she will never submit to her husband. It starts at the feet of Jesus. We must be like Mary. Bringing all of our alabaster box (ourselves) to Him. I love what Job says, ‘The root of the matter is found in me.’ Job 19:28. This is always true! If my husband or anyone else upsets me I must go before God and let Him search my heart and see if there be any wicked way in me! Psalm 139:23-24. And I can guarantee there is. It all starts with me!! Allowing God to purify and cleanse my heart. My heart!!” Karen Cochran

Moments with Our Master [book] 365 Day Devotional book available at STORE page and amazon. English and Spanish.

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