Unconditional Love and Acceptance?

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Martin Bobgan, PhD.

Among the stellar emotional needs of humanistic psychology are unconditional acceptance, unconditional self-regard, unconditional self-acceptance, and unconditional love. The meaning of the word unconditional is “without conditions or reservations; absolute.”1 The practical extension of the theories of unconditional love is a permissive attitude and a morally nonrestrictive atmosphere. That means no conditions or restrictions in child rearing, counseling, and other human relationships. Since the parent or counselor is to be giving unconditional love, it must be an absolute love, unrestricted by human feelings or failings, since the very meaning of the word is “absolute.” But, if there is any absolute when it comes to love, it is that human love is limited. It is not what it was originally created to be, even in the best of people and circumstances, except when Jesus Himself is loving in and through a person.

Adler and Maslow considered these “unconditionals” to be basic human needs, essential to a person’s sense of wellbeing. They taught that people need to be loved and accepted unconditionally—without any conditions of performance. Thus their followers teach that parents must love and accept their children unconditionally. Moreover, they encourage all people to love and accept themselves unconditionally.

Adler, Maslow, Rogers and others believed that a human being will find answers to his own dilemmas and naturally blossom into his best self in an atmosphere of unconditional love and acceptance, by which they meant a permissive, unstructured atmosphere. Nevertheless, as much as they would like to think that they themselves loved their clients unconditionally, the truth of the matter is this: people are not able to love unconditionally.

The Myth of Unconditional Love

Unconditional love is a myth. That is because the human is naturally self-biased and the human heart is so deceitful that one can fool himself into thinking that he is loving unconditionally, when in fact he has all kinds of conditions. For instance, what kind of unconditional love and unconditional positive regard is at work when the client can no longer pay for services and therapy is discontinued? Furthermore, even the most nondirective counselors express approval or disapproval in subtle, if not direct, ways.2

The idea of people improving their life in an atmosphere of unconditional love is founded on the premise that people are born good and that their natural inclination to goodness is thwarted by their environment (mainly parents). In such a system, self is the victim of society but finds salvation, freedom, and fulfillment through unconditional self-love and self-acceptance. Unconditional love cannot be based upon performance or it wouldn’t be unconditional. Therefore, it must be based on the intrinsic worth of the person. Paul Brownback, in his book The Danger of Self-Love, explains it this way:

. . . by unconditional love we are speaking of love on the basis of being rather than doing. One implication of this teaching is the place of grandeur that it gives to the human being. I am lovable just because I am human; therefore being human, in and of itself, regardless of what I do with my humanness, must have some sort of independent value or worth. It is by itself a sufficient claim to respect and esteem.3

Thus, according to these self theories, everyone is born with the right to receive unconditional love and unconditional acceptance throughout his entire life, no matter what!

Pastors assigned to shepherd God’s flocks, should have been alert to the subtleties of deception that would turn a believer’s eyes from God to self. But alas, rather than warning the sheep, many of the shepherds have joined the psychologists and embrace their teachings of unconditional love and unconditional acceptance.

A Misunderstanding of God’s Love

The basis for their eager embrace is a misunderstanding of the love of God which passes knowledge. They equate unconditional love and acceptance with the fact that God’s love is vast, unfathomable, and unmerited. Then they follow that with the idea that if God loves and accepts people unconditionally, they should also love and accept themselves unconditionally. While this may sound like a logical progression, there are some serious problems with the basic assumptions. Therefore, we must address the question: Is God’s love unconditional? Are there any conditions that must be met to become a recipient of His love?

Paul prayed that the believers in Ephesus would be able to comprehend the breadth, length, depth and height of God’s love. He desired that they know the love of Christ, which surpasses knowledge, so that they would be filled with the fullness of God (Ephesians 3:16-19). The wide expanse of God’s love has been the theme of the gospel throughout the ages, for to know His love is to know Him. Therefore, any consideration of His love is highly important and must be based upon His revelation of Himself rather than upon the imagination of men.

Love According to Secular Humanism

Ever since the rise of secular humanism in this country and especially since the establishment of humanistic psychology, the popular, “relevant” term to describe God’s love has been unconditional. The thrust of this word in humanistic psychology has been both to give and to expect unconditional love from one another with no strings attached. While unconditional love and acceptance supposedly promote change and growth, they make no requirements. But God, who is love, requires and produces radical change—new life—and He enables His children to grow in righteousness.

In humanistic psychology, parents and society are always the culprits. Since they believe that every person is born with intrinsic worth and innate goodness, psychologists contend that one main reason people experience emotional and behavioral problems is because they have not received unconditional love from their parents. Following that thesis, Christians have come to believe that the best kind of love is unconditional love. It is the highest love secular humanists know. It is touted as a love that makes no demands for performance, good behavior, or the like. It has also been associated with a kind of permissiveness, since it makes no demands and has no conditions, even though the promoters of the unconditional love jargon would say that unconditional love does not have to dispense with discipline.

God’s Love Revealed through Scripture

Because the concept of unconditional love permeates society and because it is often thought of as the highest form of human love, it is natural for a Christian to use this term to describe God. After all, His love is far greater than any human love imaginable. God’s love for humanity is so great that “He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life” (John 3:16). Oh, the magnitude of the cost! We cannot even fathom His love even though our very breath depends upon it! His love indeed reaches to the heights and depths. Nevertheless, is God’s love truly unconditional?

God’s love is available to human beings by grace alone. There is nothing anyone can do to earn that love. There is no good work that is either demanded or even possible. Does that make God’s love unconditional? Because unconditional love is absolute and without any conditions whatsoever, all men would be saved if God’s love were unconditional. But that would be universalism. That would nullify the need for Christ’s sacrificial death and God’s condition of salvation by grace through faith.

We must also ask, does God’s love apply to the person who has sinned against the Holy Spirit by refusing to receive His grace throughout his lifetime and who is destined for hell? God chooses upon whom He will place His love and the benefits of his love. Did Jesus ever imply that God’s love is unconditional? He said to His disciples:

He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him (John 14:21).

One might argue, however, that the story of the prodigal son proves unconditional love. It indeed illustrates the vastness of God’s love, forgiveness and longsuffering. However, the son repented. If he had had a prosperous evil life he may never have repented. And while the father would have waited and hoped, he would not have extended his love. After all, he did not go out searching for him to support his folly. Up to a point this seems to indicate unconditional love, and yet, God is not waiting in ignorance, not knowing what those for whom His son died might be doing. He knows, and there comes a time when those who have refused his offer of love and forgiveness die and face the judgment. It is difficult enough to understand God’s love without adding the term unconditional which is loaded with secular, humanistic, psychological connotations. The story of the prodigal son teaches grace, forgiveness and mercy—but unconditional love? No!

While God loves with a greater love than humans can comprehend, His holiness and justice also must be taken into consideration. Therefore the term unconditional love is inadequate for defining God. It does not account for God’s reaction to pompous men who devise plans against Him and His anointed. The psalmist goes so far as to say:

He that sitteth in the heavens shall laugh: the Lord shall have them in derision. Then shall he speak to them in his wrath, and vex them in his sore displeasure (Psalm 2:4-5).

And what about Lot’s wife as she turned to look at the smoldering cities? Or what about Jesus’ words to the cities that refused to repent?

Woe unto thee, Chorazin! woe unto thee, Bethsaida! for if the mighty works, which were done in you, had been done in Tyre and Sidon, they would have repented long ago in sackcloth and ashes. But I say unto you, It shall be more tolerable for Tyre and Sidon at the day of judgment, than for you. And thou, Capernaum, which art exalted unto heaven, shalt be brought down to hell . . . . it shall be more tolerable for the land of Sodom in the day of judgment, than for thee (Matthew 11:21-24).

Does that sound like unconditional love?

But perhaps one could say that God’s love for the Christian is unconditional since the Christian partakes of His love and grace through faith. Wouldn’t it be better to say that the conditions have been met? Jesus met the first condition, to wash away the sin that God hates. The believer meets the second condition by grace through faith. Or, perhaps it would be better to say that God’s love extended to a person is conditioned by His plan to give eternal life to those who believe on His Son. The conditions of God’s love are resident within Himself.

There is a strong temptation to use vocabulary that is popular in society in order to make Christianity sound relevant. Christians have something far better than what the world offers, but in expressing that good news they confuse people by using words that are already loaded with humanistic connotations and systems of thought. It would be better not to use the expression unconditional love when describing God’s love. There are plenty of other good words.

In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him.

Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. . . .
And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him (1 John 4:9, 10, 16).

The incomprehensible magnitude of God’s love surpasses any concept of love devised by humanistic psychologists. The doctrine of unconditional love is a myth that glorifies man rather than God.

1. Webster’s New Universal Unabridged Dictionary, Second Edition, 1983.
2. Jay Haley. Strategies of Psychotherapy. New York: Grune & Stratton, Inc., 1963, pp. 71, 82.
3. Paul Brownback. The Danger of Self-Love. Chicago: Moody Press, 1982, p. 66.

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DO YOU KNOW WHAT SINS THE BIBLE CITES OF THE PEOPLE OF SODOM WHICH CAUSED DIVINE JUDGMENT TO FALL ON THEM? THIS LIST OF SINS MIGHT SHOCK YOU.

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Sodom’s sins were pride, gluttony, and laziness, while the poor and needy suffered outside her door.

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“The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun.” Ecclesiastes 1:9

Sodomy/homosexuality is usually the only sin attributed to the sins of Sodom and yet the Bible lists several sins that came before the ultimate turning over to homosexuality and further judgment (hell). See also Romans 1 and Ezekiel 16:49-51.

Jesus used this very example of Sodom to warn all under New Testament:

“Likewise also as it was in the days of Lot; they did eat, they drank, they bought, they sold, they planted, they builded; 29 But the same day that Lot went out of Sodom it rained fire and brimstone from heaven, and destroyed them all. 30 Even thus shall it be in the day when the Son of man is revealed. 31 In that day, he which shall be upon the housetop, and his stuff in the house, let him not come down to take it away: and he that is in the field, let him likewise not return back. 32 Remember Lot’s wife. 33 Whosoever shall seek to save his life shall lose it; and whosoever shall lose his life shall preserve it.” Luke 17:28-33

Impending Judgment for Sin

In Ezekiel 16 we read of the judgment coming on the LORD’s people for their sins.

The very sins committed by the people of Sodom before God destroyed that city, were being committed by the LORD’s professing people in Ezekiel’s day, and are today being committed by those claiming to know the LORD in our day.

“Behold, this was the iniquity of thy sister Sodom, pride, fulness of bread, and abundance of idleness was in her and in her daughters, neither did she strengthen the hand of the poor and needy. 50 And they were haughty, and committed abomination before me: therefore I took them away as I saw good. 51 Neither hath Samaria committed half of thy sins; but thou hast multiplied thine abominations more than they, and hast justified thy sisters in all thine abominations which thou hast done.” Ezekiel 16:49-51

This list of sins in the above passage begins with these 3:

PFA = Pride, Fulness of Bread, and Abundance of idleness.

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Sins Jerusalem cited for in Ezekiel 16:49-51:

Pride (arrogance),
Fulness of Bread (gluttony, hoarding),
Abundance of Idleness (idle, lazy),
did not help those in need due to preoccupation with self-worship (not generous in spreading God’s wealth to His people and work)
haughty
committed abomination (fornication)

In the bulleted sins listed above from this revealing Ezekiel 16 passage, did you notice the progression?

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“Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful (they were ungrateful); but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened.” Romans 1:21

A fresh reading of Romans 1 reveals the root sins that preceded the sexual sins which immediately go before divine judgment. See Romans 1:18-32.

The sins that darken the hearts of those who once “knew God” and lead to the ultimate abomination of sodomy/homosexuality are pride, gluttony, idleness, and refusing to be generous givers to believers in need, etc.

Let’s Look Again at the Root, the Gateway Sins of the People of Sodom and Gomorrah:

PFA listed in Ezekiel 16:49-51:

Pride (arrogance),
Fulness of Bread (gluttony),
Abundance of Idleness (idle, lazy),
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“And he gave them their request; but sent leanness into their soul.” Psalms 106:15

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“That ye all speak the same thing” right?

“Now I beseech you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye all speak the same thing, and that there be no divisions among you; but that ye be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment.” 1 Corinthians 1:10

Satan is introducing doubting, casting doubt upon what God has said, His Word, when he said to the woman in the temptation, “Hath God said?” See Genesis 3:1. And Satan in this exchange, changed, altered what God said, God’s Word. See Genesis 2:17 and 3:4. Game changer! The enemy has not changed and we are not be ignorant of his devices, right? (2 Corinthians 2:11).

“Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.” Colossians 3:16

We stand with both feet and every ounce of our weight on God’s Word with utter impunity to Satan and his kingdom of evil.

“God forbid: yea, let God be true, but every man a liar; as it is written, That thou mightest be justified in thy sayings, and mightest overcome when thou art judged.” Romans 3:4

The final blow of death is coming to him, soon.

“And the God of peace shall bruise Satan under your feet shortly. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you. Amen.” Romans 16:20

“But speak thou the things which become sound doctrine:” Titus 2:1

“If any man speak, let him speak as the oracles of God; if any man minister, let him do it as of the ability which God giveth: that God in all things may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom be praise and dominion for ever and ever. Amen.” 1 Peter 4:11

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A fruitful life for God’s glory involves first being genuinely born again, abiding in Christ via the crucified life, bearing spiritual fruit—such as Christlikeness in character, good works, and evangelism—by remaining in vital union with Jesus, the true vine (John 15).

“Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you.” John 15:16

JUST as Jesus multiplied the little with the boy who gave the loaves and fishes, so He does with our efforts. Jesus multiplied that little and fed 5,000 men, and that doesn’t count the women and children present. Try Him.

“O taste and see that the LORD is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him.” Psalms 34:8

“And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.
41 Then shall he say also unto them on the left hand, Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels:
42 For I was an hungred, and ye gave me no meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me no drink:
43 I was a stranger, and ye took me not in: naked, and ye clothed me not: sick, and in prison, and ye visited me not.
44 Then shall they also answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, or athirst, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not minister unto thee?
45 Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me.
46 And these shall go away into everlasting punishment: but the righteous into life eternal.” Matthew 25:40-46

God blesses the lives of His faithful saints. His faithful saints seek His face continually.

“Seek the Lord and his strength, seek his face continually.” 1 Chronicles 16:11

God prospers us according as we seek His face and stay upon Him. Of king Uzziah king of Judah, God’s Word says:

“As long as he sought the LORD, God made him to prosper.” 2 Chronicles 26:5

At times in this life there are season of uncertainty, where our vision may not be clear. We must “stay upon” the LORD.

“Who is among you that feareth the LORD, that obeyeth the voice of his servant, that walketh in darkness, and hath no light? let him trust in the name of the LORD, and stay upon his God.” Isaiah 50:10

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.
12 Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you.
13 And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.
14 And I will be found of you, saith the LORD: and I will turn away your captivity, and I will gather you from all the nations, and from all the places whither I have driven you, saith the LORD; and I will bring you again into the place whence I caused you to be carried away captive.” Jeremiah 29:11-14

“But by the grace of God I am what I am: and his grace which was bestowed upon me was not in vain; but I laboured more abundantly than they all: yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me.” 1 Corinthians 15:10

“Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us.” Ephesians 3:20

“And God is able to make all grace abound toward you; that ye, always having all sufficiency in all things, may abound to every good work.” 2 Corinthians 9:8

We’ve never been so reminded of this as of the miraculous events of late where beloved brother Juan dropped some plastic water bottles that hit me in the feet. Only God could have orchestrated this collision of Juan’s life and mine.

“The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way.” Psalms 37:23

Ask Him.

Recently brother Stacy Strother reminded me that God simply wants us, His people to be available, to pray and watch Him work!

“And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature. 16 He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned. 17 And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues; 18 They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover. 19 So then after the Lord had spoken unto them, he was received up into heaven, and sat on the right hand of God. 20 And they went forth, and preached every where, the Lord working with them, and confirming the word with signs following. Amen.” Mark 16:15-20

It has been wisely stated:

“Show me a man’s prayer life, his life of prayer or lack thereof, and I will show you who that man truly is and who and what he loves most.”

All who are zealous for the LORD are zealous about His work, to do it. Not build a church, but to see Christ work in the hearts of men—to strengthen and equip His body and convict and save lost souls to Himself.

One source notes:

“Evangelism is the act of sharing the Christian gospel—the ‘good news’ of Jesus Christ’s life, death, and resurrection—with the aim of inviting others into a relationship with God. It is considered a core mission for believers to spread this message of salvation, hope, and love, often stemming from Jesus’s command in the Great Commission.”

“The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life; and he that winneth souls is wise.” Proverbs 11:30

YOUR PRAYER: Holy Father, in Jesus’ name, unite my heart to fear Thy name. Do your work in and through my life. I am all Yours. Maximize the fruit produced to Your eternal glory. You must increase but I must decrease. In Jesus’ name, amen.

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Are You On His Hit List? “He that winneth souls is wise.” Proverbs 11:30 Do you desire to win souls? Are you willing to try a new, yet time-tested method to reach others for Christ while there is still time? This method that I am going to share with you is approximately 500 years old and could revolutionize your life today here on earth, and throughout eternity. It started when the LORD had the printing press come into existence so that His Word could be propagated to all the peoples of the earth. As a roman catholic monk with an […]

"Be ye stedfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord" [podcast]

“Be Not Moved Away” “If ye continue in the faith grounded and settled, and be not moved away from the hope of the gospel, which ye have heard, and which was preached to every creature which is under heaven; whereof I Paul am made a minister;” Colossians 1:23 The victory is in Jesus Christ, and we are “stedfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord.” “But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. 58 Therefore, my beloved […]

The Harvest is Coming for all those Sowing the Seed of the Word [podcast]

The Joy and Expectation of Seed Sowing What we sow, we can expect to reap (Galatians 6:7-8). As we continue to sow the good, the incorruptible seed of God’s Word into the hearts of men, good news will continue to flow, will continue to be reaped – because God’s Word prospers in the thing where He sends it! See also 1 Peter 1:23. “So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent […]

Bearing the Precious Seed of God's Word [podcast]

“They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. 6 He that goeth forth and weepeth, bearing precious seed, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves (harvest) with him.” Psalms 126:5-6 A harvest of blessed souls is going to be the result, the ministry produce, the fruit of all who bear and distribute, scatter the seed of the incorruptible Word of God into the hearts of men (1 Peter 1:23). The LORD didn’t say “go explain who I am to other people.” No, He said “preach the word” and “preach the gospel” (2 Timothy 4:2; Mark 16:15). Our […]

The Seed of Salvation [podcast]

“So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.” Isaiah 55:11 When we follow Jesus He makes us fishers of men: “And Jesus said unto them, Come ye after me, and I will make you to become fishers of men. 18 And straightway they forsook their nets, and followed him.” (Mark 1:17-18) We must forsake the nets, the world’s ways in following Him. Prayer: Father, in the name of Jesus, please […]