Unconditional Love and Acceptance?

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Martin Bobgan, PhD.

Among the stellar emotional needs of humanistic psychology are unconditional acceptance, unconditional self-regard, unconditional self-acceptance, and unconditional love. The meaning of the word unconditional is “without conditions or reservations; absolute.”1 The practical extension of the theories of unconditional love is a permissive attitude and a morally nonrestrictive atmosphere. That means no conditions or restrictions in child rearing, counseling, and other human relationships. Since the parent or counselor is to be giving unconditional love, it must be an absolute love, unrestricted by human feelings or failings, since the very meaning of the word is “absolute.” But, if there is any absolute when it comes to love, it is that human love is limited. It is not what it was originally created to be, even in the best of people and circumstances, except when Jesus Himself is loving in and through a person.

Adler and Maslow considered these “unconditionals” to be basic human needs, essential to a person’s sense of wellbeing. They taught that people need to be loved and accepted unconditionally—without any conditions of performance. Thus their followers teach that parents must love and accept their children unconditionally. Moreover, they encourage all people to love and accept themselves unconditionally.

Adler, Maslow, Rogers and others believed that a human being will find answers to his own dilemmas and naturally blossom into his best self in an atmosphere of unconditional love and acceptance, by which they meant a permissive, unstructured atmosphere. Nevertheless, as much as they would like to think that they themselves loved their clients unconditionally, the truth of the matter is this: people are not able to love unconditionally.

The Myth of Unconditional Love

Unconditional love is a myth. That is because the human is naturally self-biased and the human heart is so deceitful that one can fool himself into thinking that he is loving unconditionally, when in fact he has all kinds of conditions. For instance, what kind of unconditional love and unconditional positive regard is at work when the client can no longer pay for services and therapy is discontinued? Furthermore, even the most nondirective counselors express approval or disapproval in subtle, if not direct, ways.2

The idea of people improving their life in an atmosphere of unconditional love is founded on the premise that people are born good and that their natural inclination to goodness is thwarted by their environment (mainly parents). In such a system, self is the victim of society but finds salvation, freedom, and fulfillment through unconditional self-love and self-acceptance. Unconditional love cannot be based upon performance or it wouldn’t be unconditional. Therefore, it must be based on the intrinsic worth of the person. Paul Brownback, in his book The Danger of Self-Love, explains it this way:

. . . by unconditional love we are speaking of love on the basis of being rather than doing. One implication of this teaching is the place of grandeur that it gives to the human being. I am lovable just because I am human; therefore being human, in and of itself, regardless of what I do with my humanness, must have some sort of independent value or worth. It is by itself a sufficient claim to respect and esteem.3

Thus, according to these self theories, everyone is born with the right to receive unconditional love and unconditional acceptance throughout his entire life, no matter what!

Pastors assigned to shepherd God’s flocks, should have been alert to the subtleties of deception that would turn a believer’s eyes from God to self. But alas, rather than warning the sheep, many of the shepherds have joined the psychologists and embrace their teachings of unconditional love and unconditional acceptance.

A Misunderstanding of God’s Love

The basis for their eager embrace is a misunderstanding of the love of God which passes knowledge. They equate unconditional love and acceptance with the fact that God’s love is vast, unfathomable, and unmerited. Then they follow that with the idea that if God loves and accepts people unconditionally, they should also love and accept themselves unconditionally. While this may sound like a logical progression, there are some serious problems with the basic assumptions. Therefore, we must address the question: Is God’s love unconditional? Are there any conditions that must be met to become a recipient of His love?

Paul prayed that the believers in Ephesus would be able to comprehend the breadth, length, depth and height of God’s love. He desired that they know the love of Christ, which surpasses knowledge, so that they would be filled with the fullness of God (Ephesians 3:16-19). The wide expanse of God’s love has been the theme of the gospel throughout the ages, for to know His love is to know Him. Therefore, any consideration of His love is highly important and must be based upon His revelation of Himself rather than upon the imagination of men.

Love According to Secular Humanism

Ever since the rise of secular humanism in this country and especially since the establishment of humanistic psychology, the popular, “relevant” term to describe God’s love has been unconditional. The thrust of this word in humanistic psychology has been both to give and to expect unconditional love from one another with no strings attached. While unconditional love and acceptance supposedly promote change and growth, they make no requirements. But God, who is love, requires and produces radical change—new life—and He enables His children to grow in righteousness.

In humanistic psychology, parents and society are always the culprits. Since they believe that every person is born with intrinsic worth and innate goodness, psychologists contend that one main reason people experience emotional and behavioral problems is because they have not received unconditional love from their parents. Following that thesis, Christians have come to believe that the best kind of love is unconditional love. It is the highest love secular humanists know. It is touted as a love that makes no demands for performance, good behavior, or the like. It has also been associated with a kind of permissiveness, since it makes no demands and has no conditions, even though the promoters of the unconditional love jargon would say that unconditional love does not have to dispense with discipline.

God’s Love Revealed through Scripture

Because the concept of unconditional love permeates society and because it is often thought of as the highest form of human love, it is natural for a Christian to use this term to describe God. After all, His love is far greater than any human love imaginable. God’s love for humanity is so great that “He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life” (John 3:16). Oh, the magnitude of the cost! We cannot even fathom His love even though our very breath depends upon it! His love indeed reaches to the heights and depths. Nevertheless, is God’s love truly unconditional?

God’s love is available to human beings by grace alone. There is nothing anyone can do to earn that love. There is no good work that is either demanded or even possible. Does that make God’s love unconditional? Because unconditional love is absolute and without any conditions whatsoever, all men would be saved if God’s love were unconditional. But that would be universalism. That would nullify the need for Christ’s sacrificial death and God’s condition of salvation by grace through faith.

We must also ask, does God’s love apply to the person who has sinned against the Holy Spirit by refusing to receive His grace throughout his lifetime and who is destined for hell? God chooses upon whom He will place His love and the benefits of his love. Did Jesus ever imply that God’s love is unconditional? He said to His disciples:

He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him (John 14:21).

One might argue, however, that the story of the prodigal son proves unconditional love. It indeed illustrates the vastness of God’s love, forgiveness and longsuffering. However, the son repented. If he had had a prosperous evil life he may never have repented. And while the father would have waited and hoped, he would not have extended his love. After all, he did not go out searching for him to support his folly. Up to a point this seems to indicate unconditional love, and yet, God is not waiting in ignorance, not knowing what those for whom His son died might be doing. He knows, and there comes a time when those who have refused his offer of love and forgiveness die and face the judgment. It is difficult enough to understand God’s love without adding the term unconditional which is loaded with secular, humanistic, psychological connotations. The story of the prodigal son teaches grace, forgiveness and mercy—but unconditional love? No!

While God loves with a greater love than humans can comprehend, His holiness and justice also must be taken into consideration. Therefore the term unconditional love is inadequate for defining God. It does not account for God’s reaction to pompous men who devise plans against Him and His anointed. The psalmist goes so far as to say:

He that sitteth in the heavens shall laugh: the Lord shall have them in derision. Then shall he speak to them in his wrath, and vex them in his sore displeasure (Psalm 2:4-5).

And what about Lot’s wife as she turned to look at the smoldering cities? Or what about Jesus’ words to the cities that refused to repent?

Woe unto thee, Chorazin! woe unto thee, Bethsaida! for if the mighty works, which were done in you, had been done in Tyre and Sidon, they would have repented long ago in sackcloth and ashes. But I say unto you, It shall be more tolerable for Tyre and Sidon at the day of judgment, than for you. And thou, Capernaum, which art exalted unto heaven, shalt be brought down to hell . . . . it shall be more tolerable for the land of Sodom in the day of judgment, than for thee (Matthew 11:21-24).

Does that sound like unconditional love?

But perhaps one could say that God’s love for the Christian is unconditional since the Christian partakes of His love and grace through faith. Wouldn’t it be better to say that the conditions have been met? Jesus met the first condition, to wash away the sin that God hates. The believer meets the second condition by grace through faith. Or, perhaps it would be better to say that God’s love extended to a person is conditioned by His plan to give eternal life to those who believe on His Son. The conditions of God’s love are resident within Himself.

There is a strong temptation to use vocabulary that is popular in society in order to make Christianity sound relevant. Christians have something far better than what the world offers, but in expressing that good news they confuse people by using words that are already loaded with humanistic connotations and systems of thought. It would be better not to use the expression unconditional love when describing God’s love. There are plenty of other good words.

In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him.

Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. . . .
And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him (1 John 4:9, 10, 16).

The incomprehensible magnitude of God’s love surpasses any concept of love devised by humanistic psychologists. The doctrine of unconditional love is a myth that glorifies man rather than God.

1. Webster’s New Universal Unabridged Dictionary, Second Edition, 1983.
2. Jay Haley. Strategies of Psychotherapy. New York: Grune & Stratton, Inc., 1963, pp. 71, 82.
3. Paul Brownback. The Danger of Self-Love. Chicago: Moody Press, 1982, p. 66.

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Either Crucify the Flesh or it will Crucify Christ out of Your Life [podcast]

Fight the temptation or die the death?

Where’s the victory come from?

The Cross – something counterfeits intentionally evade (Philippians 3:18-19). The cross is how we know who is real and who is fake. Refusing to take up the cross means one has denied Christ. This would account for the vast majority of men in ministry today. They are cross-less.

The only people who are truly following Christ are those who are doing it HIS way – and His stated way is the cross, the crucified life (Luke 9:23-24). There is no other way to follow Jesus.

If we don’t crucify the flesh, the evil deeds of the body, the flesh will crucify Christ out of our lives. Pray and read Romans 6 each morning this week.

Jesus conquered sin, death, and Satan by dying and not by first rising up (Hebrews 2:14). This is how we also are brought forth into His victory by Him – through our own weakness. Let’s give our ear to hear Christ’s apostle Paul:

“And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

It’s interesting that the vast majority of pastors today insist that it’s impossible to stop sinning and be delivered – as if Jesus failed, didn’t provide a perfect redemption that dealt with past, present, and future sin and complete victory through it all (1 Corinthians 15:57-58; Titus 2:11-14).

“If ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed; 32 And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. … 36 If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.” John 8:31-32, 36

Victory and our place with Christ are contingent upon our continuing in His truth, abiding, remaining in Christ after He saves us (John 15:1-6).

They have no faith in the overcoming grace of Christ but instead treat it like a license to justify their sin, as they pretend to be trusting God by grace and faith… yet they never make the connection that Jesus came to redeem us and establish us with Him in His holiness as we look with joy for His soon return (Titus 2:11-14; Hebrews 12:14; 1 Peter 1:15-16, etc). | Walking in the Full Victory of Christ!

The cross is surrendering. Don’t try harder, just die deeper!

The reason so many don’t take sin seriously and sit under sin-justifying wolves in sheep’s clothing, is because they do not fear nor take God seriously. Then they attack the true messengers of Christ who are declaring that God is holy and His requirement is non-negotiable: that anyone who will know and be with Him eternally cut off occasion for all sin as Jesus commanded in Mark 9:43-49 KJB. They talk about grace but only in the respect that their sins were initially forgiven, yet never in respect to divine grace being the divine influence and enablement in their daily lives to overcome all that displeases Him – as they worshipfully with great gratitude deny self, take up the cross and follow, abide in Jesus (Titus 2:11-14; Luke 9:23-24; John 15:1-6, etc.).

Death, Burial, Resurrection – You go down and God raises you up, daily. That’s the Gospel re-enacted in your daily life. There’s no other way to walk with, to follow Jesus (Luke 9:23-24).

“Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body. 11 For we which live are alway delivered unto death for Jesus’ sake, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our mortal flesh. 12 So then death worketh in us, but life in you.” 2 Corinthians 4:10-12

Once He shows you this cross revelation it’s over for your sin and Satan! This is the way we “Taste and see that the LORD is good” beloved (Psalms 34:8). The divine economy is a cross economy which cannot be short circuited. There are no shortcuts.

The safest place in His Universe is for us to be “HID with Christ in God.” How does such occur? (Colossians 3:1-4)

“For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God.” Colossians 3:3

The more His Word runs rich in your spirit, soul, and mind, the richer, the more cutting and divinely blessed your praying is going to become.

We are crucified with Christ today saints. Christ alone is reigning supreme in us, raising us up out of that death and burial posture. In Jesus’ Name, the “old man” is dead and buried and Christ now lives and reigns in His resurrection power in our lives through us! (See Ephesians 4:22-24.)

Say, pray, memorize Galatians 2:20 beginning right now. Let it be the original Gospel anthem of your life from this day forward.

“I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.” Galatians 2:20

Becoming prayerfully and steadily saturated in the cross message, concept, and application, is the only thing that brought a consistent victory over sin to this disciple.

In the divine economy, the death and burial guarantees the resurrection!

When we His people are dead and buried, His resurrection power is guaranteed. Nothing could stop the resurrection of Jesus Christ when the stone was rolled away! And nothing can stop the resurrection power of Christ working in His saints as they lay down their lives in this fleeting world!

“Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live:” John 11:25

Must Take a Ruthless Stand

Concerning the necessity of a ruthless perspective toward the flesh via the cross, we must recognize that the flesh is a terrorist which means it cannot be negotiated with.

Yet there must be forged in us a ruthless perspective, toward our perception of the “never-going-to-die” flesh, a veritable terrorist with which you cannot negotiate or give place to. It will not die until forced, therefore the disciple must take a ruthless posture toward it – showing no mercy to the enemy of God! See Romans 6, 8; Galatians 5.

Never ever underestimate the depth of the deceit that is in the fallen human heart, human nature 1 (Corinthians 10:12; Hebrews 3:12-14; Genesis 6:5, 12; Jeremiah 17:9).

We must allow no mercy for what God calls sin…the iniquities, the relentless evil within. It must be honestly dealt with, and perhaps we can observe that there are onion-type layers of evil, of deceit that we are buried in from which only God calls us and brings us forth (Proverbs 8:13; Psalms 97:10; Mark 9:43-49).

While Satan and his masquerading ministers seek to diminish the violation and penalty of sin, Jesus exponentially heightens our awareness of sin’s offense against a holy God when He warns us to cut off the hand and pluck out the eye that cause us to offend Him (Mark 9:43-49).

There is nothing in existence more important to stay safe from than HELL. That’s exactly what Jesus Christ taught. Read Mark 9:43-50 in the King James Bible (new versions have butchered that passage).

Rom 7. The cross must be applied with no respect to the evil desires, the sinful dictates of the flesh.

Our outlook toward the flesh should be “kill or be killed.”

“For if ye live after the flesh, ye shall die: but if ye through the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, ye shall live.” Romans 8:13

Kill or be killed – picture yourself being put in a room, locked in with just one opponent. Only one of you will be exiting.

A showdown – conquer or be conquered.

Life or death.

Sink or swim.

“But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway” 1 Corinthians 9:27

Either the cross will keep you from sin or sin will keep you from the cross.

“The Cross = The Signature of Jesus.” A disciple

“WHEN THOU WAS LITTLE IN THINE OWN SIGHT”

The LORD removed Saul from his place of kingship due to the pride found in his heart that previously was not there. We must remain humble before our God and the only way this can happen is the daily cross.

“And Samuel said, WHEN THOU WAS LITTLE IN THINE OWN SIGHT, wast thou not made the head of the tribes of Israel, and the LORD anointed thee king over Israel?” 1 Samuel 15:17

The Bible clearly teaches us that if we do not obey the LORD, He will replace us. We are not irreplaceable and only pride in the heart of a person would convince him of such a lie.

When Esther was called upon by the LORD to go before her husband, the king of Persia, and intercede for the people of God, she was warned that if she chose not to obey God, she’d be replaced and her father’s house destroyed.

“For if thou altogether holdest thy peace at this time, then shall there enlargement and deliverance arise to the Jews from another place; but thou and thy father’s house shall be destroyed: and who knoweth whether thou art come to the kingdom for such a time as this?” Esther 4:14

Ruthless simply and only applies to the PERSPECTIVE the believer must take toward the terrorist, the flesh.

There can be no concession, no compromise, no negotiating with the flesh. It must die and that only happens as we submit to the LORD.

The flesh will never be reformed, it is inherently evil, and must be crucified.

Those who’ve been saved and aren’t learning the daily cross, the crucified life, will never grow in Christ. The cross life is at the center of the kingdom economy of Christ. There are no shortcuts. Jesus taught that in order to follow Him, we must “deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me” (Luke 9:23-24). Any person whom Jesus has saved and isn’t learning the daily cross, is not truly following Jesus. Listen to the Lamb:

“And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me. 24 For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it.” Luke 9:23-24

PRAYER: Holy Father, in Jesus’ Name, please do Your deeper work in me. Bless this life You died for to be truly crucified with Christ. Please make me Your authentic disciple. Cut away, circumcise every falsity, fakery, deceitful thing from my heart – everything that defiles me in Your holy eyes. Use me LORD, please. I love You. In the name of Jesus, amen.

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“And this Gospel of the Kingdom shall be Preached in all the World” [podcast]

“All these are the beginning of sorrows.

9 Then shall they deliver you up to be afflicted, and shall kill you: and ye shall be hated of all nations for my name’s sake.

10 And then shall many be offended, and shall betray one another, and shall hate one another.

11 And many false prophets shall rise, and shall deceive many.

12 And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold.

13 But he that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved.

14 And this gospel of the kingdom shall be preached in all the world for a witness unto all nations; and then shall the end come.” Matthew 24:8-14

The true remnant of Christ are known in that they are enduring to the end in the midst of iniquity, abounding and preaching the Gospel of Jesus the King to the world.

“And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature.” Mark 16:15

PRAYER: Father in Heaven, I come to You in the name of Jesus Christ, admitting I have been living for my own evil glory. I am a sinner. I’ve committed the sin of idolatry, having myself first instead of You. I admit here and now before You that I have been committing the damning sin of spiritual adultery. I have claimed to know You and yet refused to uncompromisingly adhere to Your Word. Here and now, right now if never before, I repent and ask You to forgive my sins and to wash me afresh from my sins in the precious blood of Jesus Christ my LORD. Into Your hands I commend, I submit my spirit, my life, right this moment and ask You dear LORD to fill me with Your Holy Ghost and use me to preach Your glorious message of repentance to those around me so that they can receive the forgiveness of all their sins and walk in the times of refreshing from Your holy presence dear LORD. I love You Jesus. I am all Yours and I know You are all mine. In Jesus’ Name amen.

Evangelism

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See all shorts videos here on ministry youtube channel.

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Judas was even sent out with the other apostles to heal the sick, raise the dead, and preach Christ’s Gospel (Matthew 10:1-8). He was real, then backslid and is in hell (Acts 1:16-25).
The Truth about Judas

“And Jesus said unto them, Verily I say unto you, That ye which have followed me, in the regeneration when the Son of man shall sit in the throne of his glory, ye also shall sit upon twelve thrones (not 11), judging the twelve tribes of Israel.” (Matthew 19:28)

Judas wasn’t kept and Jesus specifically and irrefutably promised him an eternal throne in Heaven – Matthew 19:28. “TWELVE” not eleven~!

At the time of this divinely-given promise, it is more than abundantly clear that Judas was eternally secure, otherwise Christ would have never given this promise to the “twelve” which includes Judas Iscariot (Matthew 19:28). It is only after this that Judas allowed iniquity in his heart and by his own deliberate will fell by his own iniquity (Acts 1:25; Heb. 3:12-15).

“Saying, I (Judas) have sinned in that I have betrayed the innocent blood. And they said, What is that to us? see thou to that.” Matthew 27:4

“Eternal security”? Don’t kid yourself. Moral cowards who refuse to take person accountability for their every thought, motive, and deed love this lie. Satan’s first lie – which led to the fall of mankind (Gen 2:17; 3:4).

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The Son of Perdition Exposed Dear eternal security adherent: You cannot take one verse or passage and make a conclusion without the whole of Scripture agreeing. Judas was chosen, sent out by Christ to preach Christ’s Gospel, raise the dead, and heal the sick (Matthew 10:1-8), and was promised a throne in Heaven (Matthew 19:28) and died and went to Hell for betraying Jesus (Acts 1:25). He followed Christ and then departed from the Son of God. Jesus says that one can believe and then “fall away” (Luke 8:13). Are you going to call the Son of God a liar? […]

John Calvin Exposed

The Cult of Calvin: Exploding the Diabolical 5-Point Mythology of Calvinism In my personal opinion and from decades of observation, it appears to be evident that those in ministry who teach Calvin’s doctrines were subverted by those who taught them before they ever personally learned God’s Word themselves. They were taught this lie growing up and/or in the seminaries they attended before they had studied unto the LORD and gained a foundation in His Word (2 Tim. 2:15; 3:16-17). Like most false doctrines, Calvinistic teachings have an inoculating effect upon those who have been deceived by this teaching. Beholding John Calvin’s abominable […]

Grace vs Holiness [podcast]

“The horrible travesty we have in America today is Christianity without holiness.” A.W. Tozer Grace and holiness come only from God. The LORD is Holy and He extends salvation by grace to repentant, believing sinners at the moment of conversion. Grave vs Holiness: WHY is one of these two so overwhelmingly overemphasized by today’s pastors and self-appointed “grace teachers,” when the other is prioritized by God as is demonstrated by the number of times it appears in Holy Scripture? Which word appears more times in the Bible?: Grace, or Holiness LET’S DO THE MATH: Comparing Grace and Holiness 170 […]