Unconditional Love and Acceptance?

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Martin Bobgan, PhD.

Among the stellar emotional needs of humanistic psychology are unconditional acceptance, unconditional self-regard, unconditional self-acceptance, and unconditional love. The meaning of the word unconditional is “without conditions or reservations; absolute.”1 The practical extension of the theories of unconditional love is a permissive attitude and a morally nonrestrictive atmosphere. That means no conditions or restrictions in child rearing, counseling, and other human relationships. Since the parent or counselor is to be giving unconditional love, it must be an absolute love, unrestricted by human feelings or failings, since the very meaning of the word is “absolute.” But, if there is any absolute when it comes to love, it is that human love is limited. It is not what it was originally created to be, even in the best of people and circumstances, except when Jesus Himself is loving in and through a person.

Adler and Maslow considered these “unconditionals” to be basic human needs, essential to a person’s sense of wellbeing. They taught that people need to be loved and accepted unconditionally—without any conditions of performance. Thus their followers teach that parents must love and accept their children unconditionally. Moreover, they encourage all people to love and accept themselves unconditionally.

Adler, Maslow, Rogers and others believed that a human being will find answers to his own dilemmas and naturally blossom into his best self in an atmosphere of unconditional love and acceptance, by which they meant a permissive, unstructured atmosphere. Nevertheless, as much as they would like to think that they themselves loved their clients unconditionally, the truth of the matter is this: people are not able to love unconditionally.

The Myth of Unconditional Love

Unconditional love is a myth. That is because the human is naturally self-biased and the human heart is so deceitful that one can fool himself into thinking that he is loving unconditionally, when in fact he has all kinds of conditions. For instance, what kind of unconditional love and unconditional positive regard is at work when the client can no longer pay for services and therapy is discontinued? Furthermore, even the most nondirective counselors express approval or disapproval in subtle, if not direct, ways.2

The idea of people improving their life in an atmosphere of unconditional love is founded on the premise that people are born good and that their natural inclination to goodness is thwarted by their environment (mainly parents). In such a system, self is the victim of society but finds salvation, freedom, and fulfillment through unconditional self-love and self-acceptance. Unconditional love cannot be based upon performance or it wouldn’t be unconditional. Therefore, it must be based on the intrinsic worth of the person. Paul Brownback, in his book The Danger of Self-Love, explains it this way:

. . . by unconditional love we are speaking of love on the basis of being rather than doing. One implication of this teaching is the place of grandeur that it gives to the human being. I am lovable just because I am human; therefore being human, in and of itself, regardless of what I do with my humanness, must have some sort of independent value or worth. It is by itself a sufficient claim to respect and esteem.3

Thus, according to these self theories, everyone is born with the right to receive unconditional love and unconditional acceptance throughout his entire life, no matter what!

Pastors assigned to shepherd God’s flocks, should have been alert to the subtleties of deception that would turn a believer’s eyes from God to self. But alas, rather than warning the sheep, many of the shepherds have joined the psychologists and embrace their teachings of unconditional love and unconditional acceptance.

A Misunderstanding of God’s Love

The basis for their eager embrace is a misunderstanding of the love of God which passes knowledge. They equate unconditional love and acceptance with the fact that God’s love is vast, unfathomable, and unmerited. Then they follow that with the idea that if God loves and accepts people unconditionally, they should also love and accept themselves unconditionally. While this may sound like a logical progression, there are some serious problems with the basic assumptions. Therefore, we must address the question: Is God’s love unconditional? Are there any conditions that must be met to become a recipient of His love?

Paul prayed that the believers in Ephesus would be able to comprehend the breadth, length, depth and height of God’s love. He desired that they know the love of Christ, which surpasses knowledge, so that they would be filled with the fullness of God (Ephesians 3:16-19). The wide expanse of God’s love has been the theme of the gospel throughout the ages, for to know His love is to know Him. Therefore, any consideration of His love is highly important and must be based upon His revelation of Himself rather than upon the imagination of men.

Love According to Secular Humanism

Ever since the rise of secular humanism in this country and especially since the establishment of humanistic psychology, the popular, “relevant” term to describe God’s love has been unconditional. The thrust of this word in humanistic psychology has been both to give and to expect unconditional love from one another with no strings attached. While unconditional love and acceptance supposedly promote change and growth, they make no requirements. But God, who is love, requires and produces radical change—new life—and He enables His children to grow in righteousness.

In humanistic psychology, parents and society are always the culprits. Since they believe that every person is born with intrinsic worth and innate goodness, psychologists contend that one main reason people experience emotional and behavioral problems is because they have not received unconditional love from their parents. Following that thesis, Christians have come to believe that the best kind of love is unconditional love. It is the highest love secular humanists know. It is touted as a love that makes no demands for performance, good behavior, or the like. It has also been associated with a kind of permissiveness, since it makes no demands and has no conditions, even though the promoters of the unconditional love jargon would say that unconditional love does not have to dispense with discipline.

God’s Love Revealed through Scripture

Because the concept of unconditional love permeates society and because it is often thought of as the highest form of human love, it is natural for a Christian to use this term to describe God. After all, His love is far greater than any human love imaginable. God’s love for humanity is so great that “He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life” (John 3:16). Oh, the magnitude of the cost! We cannot even fathom His love even though our very breath depends upon it! His love indeed reaches to the heights and depths. Nevertheless, is God’s love truly unconditional?

God’s love is available to human beings by grace alone. There is nothing anyone can do to earn that love. There is no good work that is either demanded or even possible. Does that make God’s love unconditional? Because unconditional love is absolute and without any conditions whatsoever, all men would be saved if God’s love were unconditional. But that would be universalism. That would nullify the need for Christ’s sacrificial death and God’s condition of salvation by grace through faith.

We must also ask, does God’s love apply to the person who has sinned against the Holy Spirit by refusing to receive His grace throughout his lifetime and who is destined for hell? God chooses upon whom He will place His love and the benefits of his love. Did Jesus ever imply that God’s love is unconditional? He said to His disciples:

He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him (John 14:21).

One might argue, however, that the story of the prodigal son proves unconditional love. It indeed illustrates the vastness of God’s love, forgiveness and longsuffering. However, the son repented. If he had had a prosperous evil life he may never have repented. And while the father would have waited and hoped, he would not have extended his love. After all, he did not go out searching for him to support his folly. Up to a point this seems to indicate unconditional love, and yet, God is not waiting in ignorance, not knowing what those for whom His son died might be doing. He knows, and there comes a time when those who have refused his offer of love and forgiveness die and face the judgment. It is difficult enough to understand God’s love without adding the term unconditional which is loaded with secular, humanistic, psychological connotations. The story of the prodigal son teaches grace, forgiveness and mercy—but unconditional love? No!

While God loves with a greater love than humans can comprehend, His holiness and justice also must be taken into consideration. Therefore the term unconditional love is inadequate for defining God. It does not account for God’s reaction to pompous men who devise plans against Him and His anointed. The psalmist goes so far as to say:

He that sitteth in the heavens shall laugh: the Lord shall have them in derision. Then shall he speak to them in his wrath, and vex them in his sore displeasure (Psalm 2:4-5).

And what about Lot’s wife as she turned to look at the smoldering cities? Or what about Jesus’ words to the cities that refused to repent?

Woe unto thee, Chorazin! woe unto thee, Bethsaida! for if the mighty works, which were done in you, had been done in Tyre and Sidon, they would have repented long ago in sackcloth and ashes. But I say unto you, It shall be more tolerable for Tyre and Sidon at the day of judgment, than for you. And thou, Capernaum, which art exalted unto heaven, shalt be brought down to hell . . . . it shall be more tolerable for the land of Sodom in the day of judgment, than for thee (Matthew 11:21-24).

Does that sound like unconditional love?

But perhaps one could say that God’s love for the Christian is unconditional since the Christian partakes of His love and grace through faith. Wouldn’t it be better to say that the conditions have been met? Jesus met the first condition, to wash away the sin that God hates. The believer meets the second condition by grace through faith. Or, perhaps it would be better to say that God’s love extended to a person is conditioned by His plan to give eternal life to those who believe on His Son. The conditions of God’s love are resident within Himself.

There is a strong temptation to use vocabulary that is popular in society in order to make Christianity sound relevant. Christians have something far better than what the world offers, but in expressing that good news they confuse people by using words that are already loaded with humanistic connotations and systems of thought. It would be better not to use the expression unconditional love when describing God’s love. There are plenty of other good words.

In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him.

Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. . . .
And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him (1 John 4:9, 10, 16).

The incomprehensible magnitude of God’s love surpasses any concept of love devised by humanistic psychologists. The doctrine of unconditional love is a myth that glorifies man rather than God.

1. Webster’s New Universal Unabridged Dictionary, Second Edition, 1983.
2. Jay Haley. Strategies of Psychotherapy. New York: Grune & Stratton, Inc., 1963, pp. 71, 82.
3. Paul Brownback. The Danger of Self-Love. Chicago: Moody Press, 1982, p. 66.

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How to Get the Devil Out of Your Life [podcast]

Devil on Your Back?

Anybody remember that song “Shut thee door keep out the devil.” (thee is the sound not the).

It’s all over for the devil once you learn and apply the cross – the Bible concept of dying and letting Jesus reign in your life! Boom.

“Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” James 4:7

I’m sorry, what?! Read James 4:7 again!

Okay, so let me get this straight …. If I submit myself to God afresh, repent, return to Him with a whole heart, then I can “Resist the devil, and he will flee from” me? Isn’t that what you just read for yourself in James 4:7? Yes it is!

James 4:7 – Greatest spiritual warfare Scripture in the Bible right there!

You can pray till you’re blue in the face and Satan is going no where – till you repent.

You can entertain and titillate your mind all day long with surface level nuggets and ramblings and yet nothing explosive is going to occur, nothing powerful is going to happen in your life until you die the death – until you put your foot down, smashing Satan’s head, and declare that Jesus Christ alone reigns in your life from that moment forward!

When sin is vanquished from your life, Satan is vanquished – he no longer has any legal right, claim to you! He is shut out! Satan failed at tempting Jesus because Jesus refused to enter into the temptations the Devil laid before Him. Jesus was in a season of fasting and prayer. This is key for us as it’s what He commanded for us (Matthew 6:16).

“When ye fast … Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” Matthew 6:16; 26:41

Recently was able to share with a man who was seeking victory over his sins. The instruction was that there is nothing, no sin he can’t fast out of his life – as he draws near to God in repentance, God will draw near to Him and make him free (James 4:8). See Isaiah 58. | Fasting and Prayer

It’s G.O.D. time = Game Over Devil!

On a regular basis and a whole lot lately, people come, call for prayer. The first order of business is to get the sin dealt with in their lives, then the devil is forced out – he then has no legal right to them and must flee.

IF you are not enduring sound doctrine – holding yourself accountable to divine truth – you are Hell bound. If your life is all about YOU instead of JESUS – you will dodge, twist, and manipulate Scripture to fit your own sinful whims, and vainly believe that God doesn’t see all your dissimulation.

“Preach the word; be instant in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort with all longsuffering and doctrine. 3 For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears; 4 And they shall turn away their ears from the truth, and shall be turned unto fables.” 2 Timothy 4:2-4

If your pastor is not preaching the pure Word of God and watching for your eternal soul, you are completely deceived and being led to eternal damnation (Hebrews 13:7, 17). This would account for more than 90% of the fake “Christian” leaders operating today.

“For the leaders of this people cause them to err; and they that are led of them are destroyed.” Isaiah 9:16

For explosive revelation of false prophets, read Jeremiah 23, Ezekiel 34, Matthew 23, and 2 Peter 2.

Now, today is your day to truly come before the throne of His grace while you can – before it’s too late. Nothing less than real, authentic repentance which produces a changed life will be in Heaven.

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Abiding

“Be ye stedfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord” [podcast]

“Be Not Moved Away”

“If ye continue in the faith grounded and settled, and be not moved away from the hope of the gospel, which ye have heard, and which was preached to every creature which is under heaven; whereof I Paul am made a minister;” Colossians 1:23

The victory is in Jesus Christ, and we are “stedfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord.”

“But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. 58 Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye stedfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord.” 1 Corinthians 15:57-58

Remaining before the LORD, seeking His holy face “continually” is essential to abiding in Christ (1 Chronicles 16:11; John 15:1-16; Romans 8:14; Galatians 5:16).

“For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.” Romans 8:6

Being “stedfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the LORD,” has never been more essential than it is in this last hour before our LORD’s return.

Jesus is coming.

The Devil’s Diversions

“Lest Satan should get an advantage of us: for we are not ignorant of his devices.” 2 Corinthians 2:11

Satan has laid traps for each of us, snares of politics, non-essential doctrines, heresies, and fascinations of all kinds (2 Corinthians 2:11; Colossians 2:8-10; 1 Peter 5:8). Beware. His mission is to derail Christ’s saints from abiding oneness, fruitfulness – the fruit, more fruit, much fruit Christ has ordained us to walk in. Read John 15:1-16.

These things are of this fallen world and used by “the god of this world” himself, Satan (2 Corinthians 4:4).

“Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 16 For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. 17 And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever.” 1 John 2:15-17

Why are there Christians who fall away from the work of Christ? – It’s because they ceased, fell away from the worship of Christ. Ceasing to participate in the work of Christ is the result of ceasing to worship Christ truly – becoming worldly or all about the fleeting cares and trinkets of this world.

“And have no root in themselves, and so endure but for a time: afterward, when affliction or persecution ariseth for the word’s sake, immediately they are offended. 18 And these are they which are sown among thorns; such as hear the word, 19 And the cares of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, and the lusts of other things entering in, choke the word, and it becometh unfruitful.” Mark 4:17-19

“JESUS was met with hatred, and if you follow HIM you will be also. Hate mongers didn’t stop HIM, and shouldn’t stop us either.” Nelline Richard

Dear friend, be reminded that you will stand before the Almighty to give full account for your life in His earth that He gave you to steward for His eternal glory.

“We shall all stand before the judgment seat of Christ.” Romans 14:10

Satan, the “god of this world”

As “the prince of the power of the air,” the evil one controls the airwaves and uses the noise to distract you, to confuse, and to anchor you in the temporal, the horizontal. This he does to prohibit/hinder your fellowship with the LORD, the vertical.

Are you living FREE or AFRAID/in FEAR?

“And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him. 17 Herein is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment: because as he is, so are we in this world. 18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.” 1 John 4:16-18

Someone has rightly stated: “Fear is the currency of control.”

“If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God. 2 Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth. 3 For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God. 4 When Christ, who is our life, shall appear, then shall ye also appear with him in glory.” Colossians 3:1-4

“Jesus’ twelve disciples didn’t get rich off the gospel, they died for it.” Nelline Richard

Do you see this misconception of dragging a cross around as an issue, an erroneous view of what Christ and Paul spoke of concerning the daily cross and the purpose of it?

Yes exactly, and perhaps that’s what’s missing—the resurrection—from the erroneous view of the cross by the modern church….

Only Jesus bore our sins on that cross (Isaiah 53). Dragging our cross around daily won’t expiate for even one or any one of our sins….. we are debtors to live in the Spirit instead of the flesh

One disciple noted:

“We owe no debt to Christ. This is law—tit for tat thinking. Salvation is a gift. It is not a MasterCard account, but an unconditional gift. We are now to live after the Spirit, not the flesh. Yes, without the aid of the Holy Spirit the cross message is a burden with no good news. Lies. Romans 8:12. We are not debtors to the flesh. We are debtors to no one! We have been given a gift for which no debt was/is incurred.”

Heirs with Christ:

“12 Therefore, brethren, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live after the flesh.
13 For if ye live after the flesh, ye shall die: but if ye through the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, ye shall live.
14 For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God.
15 For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.
16 The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God:
17 And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together.” Romans 8:12-17

A Brother wrote:

“The worldly mind cannot think outside of ‘performance-based,’ tit for tat, earning blessing, merit based meritocracy, mammon based, law based labeling and judgmentalism, eye for eye, love those who love you back but not enemies. This is all a legalistic tree of knowledge of good and evil type mind and is dualism. God is non-dual, single, pure, not double-minded, sincere and the tree of life (love) which has a single-eyed view of life and lives in the way of the cross— unconditional self-sacrificial love.” T

The mind has to be turned upside down by the experience of the cross and resurrection to get this “mind of Christ” (1 Corinthians 2:16).

Perhaps this is all about the exchanged life, right?

Clearing the Noise

“I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. 2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.” Romans 12:1-2

Only the truth, embracing and obeying it, makes us free from confusion and fear (John 8:31-32, 36).

Is the Cross Meant to be Drudgery or Victory?

The cross makes us free from the chains of religion, false obligation, dead pursuits, and drudgery.

As you well know, there’s a common misconception that is in the mind of most Christians concerning Jesus’ command to deny self, take up the cross and follow Him…. WHAT does that really mean? Does it mean the believer has to drag some burden around every day of his life? Does it mean drudgery, misery, and a heavy weight (Matthew 11:28-30)?

Let’s clear this up, God willing brother. I know you’ve probably taught on this already since you’ve been teaching and learning the cross for a while…… is it correct that……

The cross isn’t a burden. It’s an instrument to crucify you so that you can be liquidated, raised up, and free to be glorifying to, and to be used of God (Galatians 2:40).

The cross is not a burden. It is an instrument of crucifixion so that you are set free to serve God in the resurrection grace of Jesus Christ who is the resurrection and the life.

The cross sets us free, resurrection life in Christ…..”

F.B. Meyer on Colossians 3:1-11

“SEEKING THE ‘THINGS THAT ARE ABOVE’

Let us repeat the glorious truth, which was doubtless the heart of Paul’s teaching, that our old nature has been nailed in Christ to the Cross, and laid in the grave; and that our real self, the second Adam, has entered the new world of resurrection. We belong to the world on the threshold of which Jesus said, ‘Touch me not, for I am not yet ascended.’ We must guard against the defiling touch of the world, of sin, and of the old self-life. We stand between two worlds, each solicits us: let us yield to the influences that pull us upward, and not to those that anchor us to this sinful and vain world. Our eternal blessedness has begun, let us walk in it.

In Christ we profess to have put off the old man, i.e., the habits of our former life, Col_3:9; now let us actually do so, in the power of the Holy Spirit. We profess to have put on the risen Christ, Col_3:10; now let us don the attire and habits of the new man. Too many Christians resemble Lazarus, quickened from his death-sleep, but still arrayed in grave-clothes. Too few array themselves in the radiant beauty of the risen Lord, which is the common heritage of all who believe in Him, whatever their rank or nationality.” F.B. Meyer

“WE (plural) are labourers TOGETHER with God.” 1 Corinthians 3:9

NOTHING happening on God’s earth today is even remotely important compared to the work of Christ through His saints – to feed His flock and win the lost! That is the Great Commission He mandated to us and holds us accountable to accomplish! He’s with us beloved saints – all the way to the end – supplying every iota of grace and otherwise!

Jesus promised “Lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen.”

“And Jesus came and spake unto them, saying, All power is given unto me in heaven and in earth. 19 Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: 20 Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen.” Matthew 28:18-20

Get in the Word.
Stay in the Word.
Surround yourself with the Word.
Share the Word.

“My son, attend to my words; incline thine ear unto my sayings. 21 Let them not depart from thine eyes; keep them in the midst of thine heart. 22 For they are life unto those that find them, and health to all their flesh. 23 Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.” Proverbs 4:20-23

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The Mystery Revealed Ephesians 3 Paul gave no glory to the sinful men who imprisoned him. Eph 3:1 For this cause I Paul, the prisoner of Jesus Christ for you Gentiles, The apostle took pleasure in these afflictions for the sake of Christ. We are reminded of his thorn in the flesh where Paul gave no glory to “the messenger of Satan” whom God allowed to afflict him … 2Co 12:9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, […]

Fruitfulness is Found in Abiding in Christ [podcast]

“A faithful man shall abound with blessings: but he that maketh haste to be rich shall not be innocent.” Proverbs 28:20 Jesus is the True Vine “I am the true vine, and my Father is the husbandman. 2 Every branch in me that beareth not fruit he taketh away: and every branch that beareth fruit, he purgeth it, that it may bring forth more fruit. 3 Now ye are clean through the word which I have spoken unto you. 4 Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the […]

Articles

About the Father’s Business [video]

“And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature.” Mark 16:15

“Love these shorts! Packed full of so much scripture in 30 seconds! I will never forget the words of my father on his death bed! “I didn’t know it was an option.” Meaning he did not know he needed to receive Jesus in order for his sins to be forgiven. And to be made right with God and go to heaven. How will they hear without a preacher? Romans 10:14. How can they believe if no one is telling them about eternal life with Jesus?” Karen Cochran

Gospel Action in Mexico Part 37

UPDATE – DELIVERED FOOD TODAY; – I purchased numerous food items for Clara and her boys today. Traversing difficult terrain to deliver the goods God supplied through your faithful giving left me with a sidewall puncture. A sidewall puncture cannot be patched and replacement was quoted at $274. Settled for a used tire. In this challenge came opportunity. God used the punctured tire for me to meet a wayward man. Jose has spent time in the USA and has family there. His wife is presently in Colorado; he expressed strain on his family. Jose received God’s Word preached to him […]

Evangelism Adventures: Stories, Reports, and Testimonies of God's Amazing Love [podcast]

SO, we prayed for God to use us today right? …. He’s hearing our prayer. So, in the gym this morning, a lady near me was struggling to get a large plate on each side of the barbell. So, I began to help her and she said “No Ingles” which means she does not speak English. So, I affirmed that she speaks Spanish and I began to speak God’s Word to her in her language. Her face lit up and she thanked me. God is good! Jesus says “The seed is the word of God” and His people are planting […]

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