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Martin Bobgan, PhD.

Among the stellar emotional needs of humanistic psychology are unconditional acceptance, unconditional self-regard, unconditional self-acceptance, and unconditional love. The meaning of the word unconditional is “without conditions or reservations; absolute.”1 The practical extension of the theories of unconditional love is a permissive attitude and a morally nonrestrictive atmosphere. That means no conditions or restrictions in child rearing, counseling, and other human relationships. Since the parent or counselor is to be giving unconditional love, it must be an absolute love, unrestricted by human feelings or failings, since the very meaning of the word is “absolute.” But, if there is any absolute when it comes to love, it is that human love is limited. It is not what it was originally created to be, even in the best of people and circumstances, except when Jesus Himself is loving in and through a person.

Adler and Maslow considered these “unconditionals” to be basic human needs, essential to a person’s sense of wellbeing. They taught that people need to be loved and accepted unconditionally—without any conditions of performance. Thus their followers teach that parents must love and accept their children unconditionally. Moreover, they encourage all people to love and accept themselves unconditionally.

Adler, Maslow, Rogers and others believed that a human being will find answers to his own dilemmas and naturally blossom into his best self in an atmosphere of unconditional love and acceptance, by which they meant a permissive, unstructured atmosphere. Nevertheless, as much as they would like to think that they themselves loved their clients unconditionally, the truth of the matter is this: people are not able to love unconditionally.

The Myth of Unconditional Love

Unconditional love is a myth. That is because the human is naturally self-biased and the human heart is so deceitful that one can fool himself into thinking that he is loving unconditionally, when in fact he has all kinds of conditions. For instance, what kind of unconditional love and unconditional positive regard is at work when the client can no longer pay for services and therapy is discontinued? Furthermore, even the most nondirective counselors express approval or disapproval in subtle, if not direct, ways.2

The idea of people improving their life in an atmosphere of unconditional love is founded on the premise that people are born good and that their natural inclination to goodness is thwarted by their environment (mainly parents). In such a system, self is the victim of society but finds salvation, freedom, and fulfillment through unconditional self-love and self-acceptance. Unconditional love cannot be based upon performance or it wouldn’t be unconditional. Therefore, it must be based on the intrinsic worth of the person. Paul Brownback, in his book The Danger of Self-Love, explains it this way:

    . . . by unconditional love we are speaking of love on the basis of being rather than doing. One implication of this teaching is the place of grandeur that it gives to the human being. I am lovable just because I am human; therefore being human, in and of itself, regardless of what I do with my humanness, must have some sort of independent value or worth. It is by itself a sufficient claim to respect and esteem.3

Thus, according to these self theories, everyone is born with the right to receive unconditional love and unconditional acceptance throughout his entire life, no matter what!

Pastors assigned to shepherd God’s flocks, should have been alert to the subtleties of deception that would turn a believer’s eyes from God to self. But alas, rather than warning the sheep, many of the shepherds have joined the psychologists and embrace their teachings of unconditional love and unconditional acceptance.

A Misunderstanding of God’s Love

The basis for their eager embrace is a misunderstanding of the love of God which passes knowledge. They equate unconditional love and acceptance with the fact that God’s love is vast, unfathomable, and unmerited. Then they follow that with the idea that if God loves and accepts people unconditionally, they should also love and accept themselves unconditionally. While this may sound like a logical progression, there are some serious problems with the basic assumptions. Therefore, we must address the question: Is God’s love unconditional? Are there any conditions that must be met to become a recipient of His love?

Paul prayed that the believers in Ephesus would be able to comprehend the breadth, length, depth and height of God’s love. He desired that they know the love of Christ, which surpasses knowledge, so that they would be filled with the fullness of God (Ephesians 3:16-19). The wide expanse of God’s love has been the theme of the gospel throughout the ages, for to know His love is to know Him. Therefore, any consideration of His love is highly important and must be based upon His revelation of Himself rather than upon the imagination of men.

Love According to Secular Humanism

Ever since the rise of secular humanism in this country and especially since the establishment of humanistic psychology, the popular, “relevant” term to describe God’s love has been unconditional. The thrust of this word in humanistic psychology has been both to give and to expect unconditional love from one another with no strings attached. While unconditional love and acceptance supposedly promote change and growth, they make no requirements. But God, who is love, requires and produces radical change—new life—and He enables His children to grow in righteousness.

In humanistic psychology, parents and society are always the culprits. Since they believe that every person is born with intrinsic worth and innate goodness, psychologists contend that one main reason people experience emotional and behavioral problems is because they have not received unconditional love from their parents. Following that thesis, Christians have come to believe that the best kind of love is unconditional love. It is the highest love secular humanists know. It is touted as a love that makes no demands for performance, good behavior, or the like. It has also been associated with a kind of permissiveness, since it makes no demands and has no conditions, even though the promoters of the unconditional love jargon would say that unconditional love does not have to dispense with discipline.

God’s Love Revealed through Scripture

Because the concept of unconditional love permeates society and because it is often thought of as the highest form of human love, it is natural for a Christian to use this term to describe God. After all, His love is far greater than any human love imaginable. God’s love for humanity is so great that “He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life” (John 3:16). Oh, the magnitude of the cost! We cannot even fathom His love even though our very breath depends upon it! His love indeed reaches to the heights and depths. Nevertheless, is God’s love truly unconditional?

God’s love is available to human beings by grace alone. There is nothing anyone can do to earn that love. There is no good work that is either demanded or even possible. Does that make God’s love unconditional? Because unconditional love is absolute and without any conditions whatsoever, all men would be saved if God’s love were unconditional. But that would be universalism. That would nullify the need for Christ’s sacrificial death and God’s condition of salvation by grace through faith.

We must also ask, does God’s love apply to the person who has sinned against the Holy Spirit by refusing to receive His grace throughout his lifetime and who is destined for hell? God chooses upon whom He will place His love and the benefits of his love. Did Jesus ever imply that God’s love is unconditional? He said to His disciples:

He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him (John 14:21).

One might argue, however, that the story of the prodigal son proves unconditional love. It indeed illustrates the vastness of God’s love, forgiveness and longsuffering. However, the son repented. If he had had a prosperous evil life he may never have repented. And while the father would have waited and hoped, he would not have extended his love. After all, he did not go out searching for him to support his folly. Up to a point this seems to indicate unconditional love, and yet, God is not waiting in ignorance, not knowing what those for whom His son died might be doing. He knows, and there comes a time when those who have refused his offer of love and forgiveness die and face the judgment. It is difficult enough to understand God’s love without adding the term unconditional which is loaded with secular, humanistic, psychological connotations. The story of the prodigal son teaches grace, forgiveness and mercy—but unconditional love? No!

While God loves with a greater love than humans can comprehend, His holiness and justice also must be taken into consideration. Therefore the term unconditional love is inadequate for defining God. It does not account for God’s reaction to pompous men who devise plans against Him and His anointed. The psalmist goes so far as to say:

He that sitteth in the heavens shall laugh: the Lord shall have them in derision. Then shall he speak to them in his wrath, and vex them in his sore displeasure (Psalm 2:4-5).

And what about Lot’s wife as she turned to look at the smoldering cities? Or what about Jesus’ words to the cities that refused to repent?

Woe unto thee, Chorazin! woe unto thee, Bethsaida! for if the mighty works, which were done in you, had been done in Tyre and Sidon, they would have repented long ago in sackcloth and ashes. But I say unto you, It shall be more tolerable for Tyre and Sidon at the day of judgment, than for you. And thou, Capernaum, which art exalted unto heaven, shalt be brought down to hell . . . . it shall be more tolerable for the land of Sodom in the day of judgment, than for thee (Matthew 11:21-24).

Does that sound like unconditional love?

But perhaps one could say that God’s love for the Christian is unconditional since the Christian partakes of His love and grace through faith. Wouldn’t it be better to say that the conditions have been met? Jesus met the first condition, to wash away the sin that God hates. The believer meets the second condition by grace through faith. Or, perhaps it would be better to say that God’s love extended to a person is conditioned by His plan to give eternal life to those who believe on His Son. The conditions of God’s love are resident within Himself.

There is a strong temptation to use vocabulary that is popular in society in order to make Christianity sound relevant. Christians have something far better than what the world offers, but in expressing that good news they confuse people by using words that are already loaded with humanistic connotations and systems of thought. It would be better not to use the expression unconditional love when describing God’s love. There are plenty of other good words.

In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him.

Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. . . .
And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him (1 John 4:9, 10, 16).

The incomprehensible magnitude of God’s love surpasses any concept of love devised by humanistic psychologists. The doctrine of unconditional love is a myth that glorifies man rather than God.

1. Webster’s New Universal Unabridged Dictionary, Second Edition, 1983.
2. Jay Haley. Strategies of Psychotherapy. New York: Grune & Stratton, Inc., 1963, pp. 71, 82.
3. Paul Brownback. The Danger of Self-Love. Chicago: Moody Press, 1982, p. 66.

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Abiding

Mary hath Chosen that Good Part [podcast]


Luke 10:38-42

Mary = loving relationship with Jesus, not just being busy with doing, with labor, with performing works such as what Martha was doing. First and foremost, Jesus saved us for relationship with Him and the Father (John 17:3). And here our Savior expresses that knowing, loving, adoring, and listening to Him are at a divine premium, they are most important to God. That’s what God desires – for us to delight ourselves in Him (Psalms 37:4).

“Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.” Psalms 37:4

David’s brothers looked the part but they couldn’t and wouldn’t even face Goliath, much less slay him. David though, was spending time alone with the LORD, listening to His voice and tending to the sheep. He who is the only man God ever said was “a man after mine own heart,” was used mightily of God to slay the giant (Acts 13:22; 1 Samuel 17).

Isn’t this how we are with our children? Wouldn’t every parent rather their precious children sit in their mom or dad’s lap telling their parent how much they (the child) loves them (the parent)? That’s the biggest heart melt we know, right?

Like David, the most powerfully used warriors are first worshippers.

Our real, our genuine relationship with the LORD is that place out of which His power and grace (divine enablement) will flow. Like David, we must be primarily, and first and foremost worshippers. Out of that rich communion with the Savior will flow the warrior anointing of the LORD who is “a man of war” (Exodus 15:3).

Many who sense the call of God on their lives to minister go to seminary. Sad. We must go to God ourselves – in prayer, a life of prayer, relentlessly seeking His holy face in His Word for ourselves.

“But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.” Matthew 6:6 

Mary hath

Private prayer with the LORD precedes God using us. Those who seek God in “secret” will be “openly” rewarded by Him.

“The little estimate we put on prayer is evidence from the little time we give to it.” EM Bounds

“A sinning man stops praying. A praying man stops sinning.” – Leonard Ravenhill

Luke 10

38  Now it came to pass, as they went, that he entered into a certain village: and a certain woman named Martha received him into her house
39  And she had a sister called Mary, which also sat at Jesus’ feet, and heard his word
40  But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to him, and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me. 
41  And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: 
42  But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her. 

“Mary hath Chosen that Good Part” 

The “good part” Mary chose consists of…

  • Mary made the only wise choice “Mary hath chosen.”
  • Mary put Jesus first. She put the Savior first, not herself or her idea of what it meant to serve Him.
  • Jesus says here that choosing to put and keep Him first is the “one thing [that] is needful” or most necessary (v39, 42).
  • Sitting before Jesus Himself and not searching for God outside of God Himself, primarily that is. All other learning is supplemental and subservient to that which the LORD tells us specifically, in His Word.

Worshippers become the most powerful workers God uses!

Like many today who are shallow rooted, Martha was a worker but not first and foremost a worshipper. Mary was a worshipper who loved to spend time with Jesus. Therefore she was empowered by God Himself via that fellowship with Him to walk in His holy compassion and to do His works with His power and for His glory (1 Corinthians 15:10).

When our works are not fruitful as they should be, perhaps it can be traced back to our lack of fellowship with our LORD. As we fellowship with Him, putting Him first and not ourselves, our vessel, our cup will run over with His goodness…. it will spill over onto others! (See Psalms 23:5.) That’s when our labor will carry His eternal weight of glory (2 Corinthians 4:17).

“Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.” Psalms 23:5

When Jesus came, it was God bringing Heaven to the people – to forgive their sins and make them whole (Matthew 9:6). This was the foretold fulfillment of His kingdom coming on earth as it is in heaven (Matthew 6:10).

When Jesus came, He went to the people, to heal, to save, to make whole (Matthew 9:35-38; Acts 10:38, etc.).

As we go, Jesus is with us, “even unto the end of the world. Amen” (Matthew 28:20).

Daily, our LORD is using His people to bring Heaven to the people. As the Holy Spirit fills our lives, His blessed presence and fruit in our lives is going to over overflow onto others.

A sister in Christ once told me that “The best Marthas are first Marys.” Think about that one in light of what we read in this passage when Jesus visited the home of Mary and Martha (Luke 10:38-42). Those who sit at Jesus’ feet to hear His holy counsel, are changed into His image and become reservoirs for His blessed glory. Their cups run over onto others!

“Prayer is of transcendent importance. Prayer is the mightiest agent to advance God’s work. Praying hearts and hands only can do God’s work. Prayer succeeds when all else fails.” E.M. Bounds

When worshiping Jesus is our first priority, the work He uses us to do WILL carry His unction and bring fruit to bear for His eternal glory.

Rote obedience to minister to others, while not anchored in intimacy with our LORD, will not yield an abundant harvest, fruit. In contrast, we can be blessed to have God’s power and grace to do His work and that happens as we are truly communing, fellowshipping in the construct of that oneness relationship He made us for (John 15; 17).

Knowing God’s Word and obeying Him is not an automatic progression (John 8:31-36). One can know the Bible and not its Author. Or, one can know the Bible well and not know the Author well (Job 22:21-28). Obeying God’s Word requires knowing Him, abiding in an intimate fellowship with Him, thereby enabling that saint the grace (divine enablement) to obey Him (John 5:39-40; 7:17; 14:21-23; 15:1-16, etc.).

Martha “received him.” Many of us have “received” Jesus, have been saved by Him (John 1:12), yet like Martha we aren’t sitting at His holy feet, listening to Him speak through His Word. Like Martha, we also are “cumbered about much serving.”

It should be understood that our work can exceed our worship, our hospitality can exceed our holiness, our serving can exceed our sanctification, etc.  That would be defined as imbalance (Proverbs 11:1).

In Luke 10:38-42, notice that Mary sat directly at Jesus’ feet and no other. When we arise in the morning to commune with the LORD, such is to be direct communication between you and Him, alone (Matthew 6:6). That would mean perhaps that when you arise in the morning you aren’t reading some other book about God or turning on a podcast or TV program to find and commune with the LORD. No, those things involve others. We must directly commune with the LORD in prayer and in HIS Word. How else shall we be able to discern the “MANY false prophets” Jesus warned us “shall deceive many”? (Read Matthew 24:11; 1 John 4:1.) How can we know the counterfeit if we don’t know the real? We can’t.

In principle, Martha is a person like Cain, a person who chose to do things their own way, not God’s – because they are not truly submitted to God. Does that describe your life friend? Jesus calls us home to Himself (Matthew 11:28-30).

Are we attempting to serve the LORD on our own terms or are we sitting before Him, hearing His voice as we are worshipfully, joyfully submitted to Him on His stated terms?

“The men who have done mighty things for God have always been mighty in prayer, have well understood the possibilities of prayer, and made the most of these possibilities. The Son of God, the first of all and the mightiest of all, has shown us the all-potent and far reaching possibilities of prayer. Paul was mighty for because he knew, how to use, and how to get others to use, the mighty spiritual forces of prayer.” EM Bounds, The Complete Works of E.M. Bounds on Prayer, P. 341

When we are brought to the point of true repentance it will be obvious in that we will do things God’s way and no longer our own. Like Mary, we will be settled at His feet, hearing His Word, His voice. The Mary person is in love with and submitted to the LORD and Savior she so joyfully worships.

“Jesus never taught His disciples how to preach, only how to pray. To know how to speak to God is more than knowing how to speak to people. Power with God is the first thing, not power with people. Christ loves to teach us how to pray.”  –Andrew Murray, With Christ in the School of Prayer, pp.  xxiii-xxiv

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Apostasy

Modern Day Frauds and How They Operate [RADIO]


THIS is so very important! Please listen and share to help others (Ezekiel 44:23).

“And they shall teach my people the difference between the holy and profane, and cause them to discern between the unclean and the clean.” Ezekiel 44:23

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Abiding

Putting God First [podcast]


If God’s Word isn’t important to you, it’s because He isn’t important to you.

If anything comes before the LORD in your day, you are an idolater.

“Thou shalt have no other gods before me.” Exodus 20:3

GOD’s WORD cannot get into you if you aren’t into it.

“Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.” 2 Timothy 2:15

Jesus commanded:

“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.”  Matthew 6:33

As you seek God, putting Him first, you are not going to be able to prevent, to stop His blessings coming upon your life. 100%

Memorize this promise from your Savior, today.

“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” Matthew 6:33

What putting Christ first looks like:

Prayer.

“Early will I seek thee.” Psalms 63:1

Read. Study.

Neither have I gone back from the commandment of his lips; I have esteemed the words of his mouth more than my necessary food.  Job 23:12

The Bible is far from just amazing information (Psalms 119:98-100; 2 Peter 1:3-4, etc.). More important than vital information coming from our Maker, God’s Word is your spiritual food and without it, without daily ingesting it, you will famish, fall, and ultimately perish.

“As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby:” 1 Peter 2:2

Read that again: The only way to “grow” is to “desire” and to devour the Word of your great God and King Jesus. He made you to know Him (John 17:3).

The only way to keep, to guard your heart before the LORD, is to keep it full of God’s Word.

“Keep (guard, till the soil of) thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.” Proverbs 4:23

In fact, like Job, we must make the spiritual food of God’s Word more important than the food that fuels and keeps healthy our physical body.

“Neither have I gone back from the commandment of his lips; I have esteemed the words of his mouth more than my necessary food.” Job 23:12

“He taught me also, and said unto me, Let thine heart RETAIN my words: keep my commandments, and live.” Proverbs 4:4

“Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.
2 But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.
3 And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.” Psalms 1

Find. Eat. Rejoice.

Thy words were found, and I did eat them; and thy word was unto me the joy and rejoicing of mine heart: for I am called by thy name, O Lord God of hosts.” Jeremiah 15:16

YOUR PRAYER: Father please unite my heart to fear Thy name. Forgive my sins of spiritual adultery, of self-idolatry. Here and now I renounce my own ownership on my life. It’s Your life LORD. Reign on the throne of this heart and cut away, circumcise any and everything of iniquity in my heart and life. You must increase but I must decrease, in Jesus’ name. Amen.

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