Unconditional Love and Acceptance?

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Martin Bobgan, PhD.

Among the stellar emotional needs of humanistic psychology are unconditional acceptance, unconditional self-regard, unconditional self-acceptance, and unconditional love. The meaning of the word unconditional is “without conditions or reservations; absolute.”1 The practical extension of the theories of unconditional love is a permissive attitude and a morally nonrestrictive atmosphere. That means no conditions or restrictions in child rearing, counseling, and other human relationships. Since the parent or counselor is to be giving unconditional love, it must be an absolute love, unrestricted by human feelings or failings, since the very meaning of the word is “absolute.” But, if there is any absolute when it comes to love, it is that human love is limited. It is not what it was originally created to be, even in the best of people and circumstances, except when Jesus Himself is loving in and through a person.

Adler and Maslow considered these “unconditionals” to be basic human needs, essential to a person’s sense of wellbeing. They taught that people need to be loved and accepted unconditionally—without any conditions of performance. Thus their followers teach that parents must love and accept their children unconditionally. Moreover, they encourage all people to love and accept themselves unconditionally.

Adler, Maslow, Rogers and others believed that a human being will find answers to his own dilemmas and naturally blossom into his best self in an atmosphere of unconditional love and acceptance, by which they meant a permissive, unstructured atmosphere. Nevertheless, as much as they would like to think that they themselves loved their clients unconditionally, the truth of the matter is this: people are not able to love unconditionally.

The Myth of Unconditional Love

Unconditional love is a myth. That is because the human is naturally self-biased and the human heart is so deceitful that one can fool himself into thinking that he is loving unconditionally, when in fact he has all kinds of conditions. For instance, what kind of unconditional love and unconditional positive regard is at work when the client can no longer pay for services and therapy is discontinued? Furthermore, even the most nondirective counselors express approval or disapproval in subtle, if not direct, ways.2

The idea of people improving their life in an atmosphere of unconditional love is founded on the premise that people are born good and that their natural inclination to goodness is thwarted by their environment (mainly parents). In such a system, self is the victim of society but finds salvation, freedom, and fulfillment through unconditional self-love and self-acceptance. Unconditional love cannot be based upon performance or it wouldn’t be unconditional. Therefore, it must be based on the intrinsic worth of the person. Paul Brownback, in his book The Danger of Self-Love, explains it this way:

. . . by unconditional love we are speaking of love on the basis of being rather than doing. One implication of this teaching is the place of grandeur that it gives to the human being. I am lovable just because I am human; therefore being human, in and of itself, regardless of what I do with my humanness, must have some sort of independent value or worth. It is by itself a sufficient claim to respect and esteem.3

Thus, according to these self theories, everyone is born with the right to receive unconditional love and unconditional acceptance throughout his entire life, no matter what!

Pastors assigned to shepherd God’s flocks, should have been alert to the subtleties of deception that would turn a believer’s eyes from God to self. But alas, rather than warning the sheep, many of the shepherds have joined the psychologists and embrace their teachings of unconditional love and unconditional acceptance.

A Misunderstanding of God’s Love

The basis for their eager embrace is a misunderstanding of the love of God which passes knowledge. They equate unconditional love and acceptance with the fact that God’s love is vast, unfathomable, and unmerited. Then they follow that with the idea that if God loves and accepts people unconditionally, they should also love and accept themselves unconditionally. While this may sound like a logical progression, there are some serious problems with the basic assumptions. Therefore, we must address the question: Is God’s love unconditional? Are there any conditions that must be met to become a recipient of His love?

Paul prayed that the believers in Ephesus would be able to comprehend the breadth, length, depth and height of God’s love. He desired that they know the love of Christ, which surpasses knowledge, so that they would be filled with the fullness of God (Ephesians 3:16-19). The wide expanse of God’s love has been the theme of the gospel throughout the ages, for to know His love is to know Him. Therefore, any consideration of His love is highly important and must be based upon His revelation of Himself rather than upon the imagination of men.

Love According to Secular Humanism

Ever since the rise of secular humanism in this country and especially since the establishment of humanistic psychology, the popular, “relevant” term to describe God’s love has been unconditional. The thrust of this word in humanistic psychology has been both to give and to expect unconditional love from one another with no strings attached. While unconditional love and acceptance supposedly promote change and growth, they make no requirements. But God, who is love, requires and produces radical change—new life—and He enables His children to grow in righteousness.

In humanistic psychology, parents and society are always the culprits. Since they believe that every person is born with intrinsic worth and innate goodness, psychologists contend that one main reason people experience emotional and behavioral problems is because they have not received unconditional love from their parents. Following that thesis, Christians have come to believe that the best kind of love is unconditional love. It is the highest love secular humanists know. It is touted as a love that makes no demands for performance, good behavior, or the like. It has also been associated with a kind of permissiveness, since it makes no demands and has no conditions, even though the promoters of the unconditional love jargon would say that unconditional love does not have to dispense with discipline.

God’s Love Revealed through Scripture

Because the concept of unconditional love permeates society and because it is often thought of as the highest form of human love, it is natural for a Christian to use this term to describe God. After all, His love is far greater than any human love imaginable. God’s love for humanity is so great that “He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life” (John 3:16). Oh, the magnitude of the cost! We cannot even fathom His love even though our very breath depends upon it! His love indeed reaches to the heights and depths. Nevertheless, is God’s love truly unconditional?

God’s love is available to human beings by grace alone. There is nothing anyone can do to earn that love. There is no good work that is either demanded or even possible. Does that make God’s love unconditional? Because unconditional love is absolute and without any conditions whatsoever, all men would be saved if God’s love were unconditional. But that would be universalism. That would nullify the need for Christ’s sacrificial death and God’s condition of salvation by grace through faith.

We must also ask, does God’s love apply to the person who has sinned against the Holy Spirit by refusing to receive His grace throughout his lifetime and who is destined for hell? God chooses upon whom He will place His love and the benefits of his love. Did Jesus ever imply that God’s love is unconditional? He said to His disciples:

He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him (John 14:21).

One might argue, however, that the story of the prodigal son proves unconditional love. It indeed illustrates the vastness of God’s love, forgiveness and longsuffering. However, the son repented. If he had had a prosperous evil life he may never have repented. And while the father would have waited and hoped, he would not have extended his love. After all, he did not go out searching for him to support his folly. Up to a point this seems to indicate unconditional love, and yet, God is not waiting in ignorance, not knowing what those for whom His son died might be doing. He knows, and there comes a time when those who have refused his offer of love and forgiveness die and face the judgment. It is difficult enough to understand God’s love without adding the term unconditional which is loaded with secular, humanistic, psychological connotations. The story of the prodigal son teaches grace, forgiveness and mercy—but unconditional love? No!

While God loves with a greater love than humans can comprehend, His holiness and justice also must be taken into consideration. Therefore the term unconditional love is inadequate for defining God. It does not account for God’s reaction to pompous men who devise plans against Him and His anointed. The psalmist goes so far as to say:

He that sitteth in the heavens shall laugh: the Lord shall have them in derision. Then shall he speak to them in his wrath, and vex them in his sore displeasure (Psalm 2:4-5).

And what about Lot’s wife as she turned to look at the smoldering cities? Or what about Jesus’ words to the cities that refused to repent?

Woe unto thee, Chorazin! woe unto thee, Bethsaida! for if the mighty works, which were done in you, had been done in Tyre and Sidon, they would have repented long ago in sackcloth and ashes. But I say unto you, It shall be more tolerable for Tyre and Sidon at the day of judgment, than for you. And thou, Capernaum, which art exalted unto heaven, shalt be brought down to hell . . . . it shall be more tolerable for the land of Sodom in the day of judgment, than for thee (Matthew 11:21-24).

Does that sound like unconditional love?

But perhaps one could say that God’s love for the Christian is unconditional since the Christian partakes of His love and grace through faith. Wouldn’t it be better to say that the conditions have been met? Jesus met the first condition, to wash away the sin that God hates. The believer meets the second condition by grace through faith. Or, perhaps it would be better to say that God’s love extended to a person is conditioned by His plan to give eternal life to those who believe on His Son. The conditions of God’s love are resident within Himself.

There is a strong temptation to use vocabulary that is popular in society in order to make Christianity sound relevant. Christians have something far better than what the world offers, but in expressing that good news they confuse people by using words that are already loaded with humanistic connotations and systems of thought. It would be better not to use the expression unconditional love when describing God’s love. There are plenty of other good words.

In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him.

Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. . . .
And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him (1 John 4:9, 10, 16).

The incomprehensible magnitude of God’s love surpasses any concept of love devised by humanistic psychologists. The doctrine of unconditional love is a myth that glorifies man rather than God.

1. Webster’s New Universal Unabridged Dictionary, Second Edition, 1983.
2. Jay Haley. Strategies of Psychotherapy. New York: Grune & Stratton, Inc., 1963, pp. 71, 82.
3. Paul Brownback. The Danger of Self-Love. Chicago: Moody Press, 1982, p. 66.

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Fruit. Fruit. Fruit.

“Either make the tree good, and his fruit good; or else make the tree corrupt, and his fruit corrupt: for the tree is known by his fruit.” Matthew 12:33

Speaking of the pattern of one’s life, Jesus taught that a good tree cannot bear bad fruit. A bad tree cannot bear good fruit.

“Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves. 16 Ye shall know (discern) them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles? 17 Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit. 18 A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. 19 Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire. 20 Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.” Matthew 7:15-20

Jesus commanded His people to “know” which is to discern all “by their fruits”—to be fruit inspectors—first in their own lives and then in all others (1 Corinthians 11:31-32; 2 Corinthians 13:5).

Personally, I fail to find anywhere that Jesus or His apostles instructed any saints to “go find a local church and plug in.” Hebrews 10:25 is peddled by pastors today who seek a loyal following instead of seeking to fulfill their God-given duties to establish their hearers in the faith, to ground them in God’s Word, to equip them for the work of the ministry, etc.

“Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.” Hebrews 10:25

Read that again please. Does it say to find a church? No. Those who are born again ARE already God’s “church” which simply means His called out people. More biblically, should we not simply be His church—His people, daily? This seems to be the pattern we see among the earliest followers of Jesus (Acts 2:42-47; 5:42; Colossians 3:16, etc.).

The authentic remnant elect of Christ do not patronize or bid Godspeed to false leaders (2 John 9-11; Revelation 2:2).

Refusing to sit under, condone, bid Godspeed to the false gospel, false doctrines, false teachers and wolves of the modern church … is not forsaking the assembly! Instead, it’s obedience to God who mandates that we “mark them,” that we “earnestly contend” against them, and warns us that anyone who bids Godspeed to them will be punished with them (Romans 16:17-18; Jude 3; 2 John 10-11).

If you are prone to cite Hebrews 10:25 to advocate for going to church weekly, consider where you learned that. In churches, right? Funny you probably don’t even have 10 Bible verses memorized and yet, to the benefit of the pastor, you know that one. What does this tell us? What does this reveal? What’s wrong with this picture?

What happens when people get loyal to a local church especially in this late hour where great apostasy was foretold? Here are a few obvious things that happen when someone “joins a church.”

Most people who join churches today are not even born again, are not told they must repent and believe on Jesus to be born again. They become proud of their pastor and friends at that gathering (Zechariah 11:17).
Church members are not learning the Word of God itself because they are simply being led by a wolf who is fostering their allegiance toward himself, not Christ (Colossians 2:8-10, 18-19; 3:1-4).
They are not becoming soul winners (Proverbs 11:30; Luke 19:10).
Attenders of modern churches are seldom if ever taught, established with personal knowledge of the Scriptures, the paramount truth that God’s Word itself is the final divine authority on all matters of the Christian faith and the practice of it (Deuteronomy 4:10; Psalms 119; 138:2; Isaiah 40:8; Mark 13:31; John 10:35; Romans 3:4; 2 Timothy 3:15-17; 2 Peter 1:19-21).
The Bible message, warning to “love not the world” is seldom or never heard. Those who live worldly are separated from God (James 4:4; 1 John 2:15-17).
Fake pastor do not teach people to get into God’s Word for themselves and so church attenders today are not in the Word daily for themselves which is by satanic design and therefore have no biblical foundation (Psalms 11:3; Matthew 7:19-29; 2 Timothy 2:15).
When do we hear in modern churches that Jesus Christ is the Grand Subject of all of Holy Scripture? We don’t (Psalms 40:7-8; Luke 24:25-27, 44-46; John 5:39-40; 2 Peter 1:19-21).
They are never taught the value God places upon good works in those He saves by His grace (Ephesians 2:8-10; Titus 1:16; 3:8; 1 John 2:4).
The Great Commission Jesus gave to His people is never mentioned and when it is, they’ve turned it into just another way of promoting themselves, their own brand, ministry (Matthew 28:18-20; Mark 16:15-20; Luke 24:47; Book of Acts).
They are not being equipped “for the work of the ministry” which is the duty being carried out by every authentic overseer of Christ’s church (Ephesians 4:11-12; 1 Peter 5:1-6).
Never taught in the modern churches is the fact that God holds each person He saves personally responsible, personally accountable for following Jesus daily (Deuteronomy 24:16; Joshua 24:14-15; Luke 21:34-36; 2 Timothy 2:15; Hebrews 3:6, 12-14; 10:26-39; 12:14; Revelation 2-3, etc.).
Modern day church members are not in the Word for themselves and the pastors have led them to this biblical illiteracy because they are building a church busine$$ and dumb people are easy prey/targets to rob (Isaiah 9:16; 56:8-12; Jeremiah 23; Ezekiel 34; Matthew 23; 2 Thessalonians 2:9-12; 2 Timothy 4:2-4, etc.).
Church goers are barely or never heard the essential cross message which Jesus requires to follow Him (Matthew 16:24-25; Luke 9:23-24; Romans 6; 2 Corinthians 4:10-12; Galatians 2:20; 5:24; Colossians 3:3, etc.).
They are never warned of going to hell if they die in sin (Ezekiel 33:12-13; Matthew 10:22; 24:13; Hebrews 3:6; 10:26-39; Revelation 21:8, 27).
They are never taught that God is “Holy, holy, holy” and that He requires that those who are His be holy as He is holy (Isaiah 6:3; 1 Peter 1:15-16; Revelation 4:8).
Those who attend a church are never informed that only those who overcome sin and Satan will be with Jesus eternally which is exactly what Christ told each and every one of the seven churches of Asia minor (Revelation 2-3).
They are never taught that saving grace without exception results in the saved living according to the Scripture: “Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world; (Titus 2:11-12).
Members are taught the demonic lie of eternal security/once saved always saved , which is Satan’s first teaching and irrefutably led to the fall of mankind in the Garden (Genesis 2:17; 3:4).
The mountains of warnings in Scripture are intentionally hidden from the congregational dupes who are willingly biblically ignorant, having rejected the knowledge/Word of God (Ezekiel 3:7; Hosea 4:6; 2 Corinthians 5:11; Colossians 1:28; Jude 3-4, etc.).
Most church members are not taught that only those who remain in Christ after being saved will be with Him eternally (Matthew 25:1-13; John 15:6; Romans 11:20-22, etc.).
Modern church attenders are seldom if ever warned to come out from this sinful world in the way they live (2 Corinthians 6:14-7:1).
They are lukewarm which means hell bound if they don’t repent (Luke 3:15-16).
The original Gospel essential, the command to “repent” is never heard, even though it was the very first word spoken by John the Baptist, Jesus, and the apostle Peter in their ministries (Matthew 3:2; 4:17; Acts 2:38; 3:19; 17:30).
Modern church members are merely a participant of a “Christian” social club seen nowhere in Scripture (Cp. Acts 2:42-47).
Their loyalty and allegiance is toward the pastor, singing group, and fellow congregants (Proverbs 21:16).
They are never taken through the volumes of Holy Scripture where God judged His very own people who backslid (Numbers 16; 25; Romans 11:20-22; 1 Corinthians 10:1-12; Hebrews 3-4; Jude 1).
Church members are taught to become dependent on their church affiliation, connection, and attendance and not the LORD (Matthew 15:8).
They are not daily seeking the face of the LORD (1 Chronicles 16:11; Psalms 27:4, 8; 57:7; 63:8; Matthew 6:33; Luke 9:23-24).
Seminarian led church members are seldom if ever taught that for eternal glory with Him Jesus requires the decisive cutting off of the hand and plucking out of the eye of any sin that defiles them in the eyes of a holy God (Mark 9:43-49).
When the Bible is literally read, 99% of the time it’s from a vatican corrupted fake “bible.”
Most are barely if at all different from any lost soul around them in their daily life (2 Corinthians 6:14-18).
Due to their own refusal to truly repent and walk with Jesus daily, they were sent strong delusion, are in darkness and deception, and therefore “remain in the congregation of the dead” (Proverbs 21:16).

“God is greatly to be feared in the assembly of the saints, and to be had in reverence of all them that are about him.” Psalms 89:7

The words “leader” and “leaders” appear 6 times (total) in God’s Word. It is always to be in context of servant leading (Matthew 20:20-28; 23:8-12; 1 Peter 5:1-6). In the following and most popular times “leaders” is used, it’s in the negative, as in false “leaders.”

“For the LEADERS of this people cause them to err; and they that are led of them are destroyed.” Isaiah 9:16

“Let them alone: they be blind LEADERS of the blind. And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.” Matthew 15:14

They love their darkness rather than the light of His truth and therefore craft, they erect the image of a false god in their wicked unrepentant hearts.

“Even him, whose coming is after the working of Satan with all power and signs and lying wonders, 10 and with all deceivableness of unrighteousness in them that perish; because they received not the love of the truth, that they might be saved. 11 And for this cause God shall send them strong delusion, that they should believe a lie: 12 that they all might be damned who believed not the truth, but had pleasure in unrighteousness.” 2 Thessalonians 2:9-12

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Jesus Conquered Sin, Satan, and Death by Dying [podcast]

“Forasmuch then as the children are partakers of flesh and blood, he also himself likewise took part of the same; that through death he might destroy him that had the power of death, that is, the devil; 15 And deliver them who through fear of death were all their lifetime subject to bondage.” Hebrews 2:14-15

Through death Jesus conquered sin, death, and Satan and made His people free, washing away their sins in His precious blood and putting His Holy Spirit in them, empowering them to live fruit-filled victorious lives to His eternal glory!

Christ’s resurrection guarantees our resurrection – both now and for eternnity. Those raised up with Christ now are those who are crucified with Him. This is His holy “remnant.” (Isaiah 37:31; Romans 8:11; 1 Corinthians 15, etc.).

Jesus conquered sin and death (separation) by dying on His cross. Because of this, we need never live outside of an abiding relationship with Christ. His grace is sufficient to provide everything He died to purchase for us – and all these blessings are appropriated via our faith, our abiding in Him (John 15; Romans 6:14; 2 Corinthians 12:9-10; Hebrews 4:14-16; 7:24-26, etc.).

In order to be raised up, to walk in His resurrection power and grace, we must first be dead and buried with Christ.

“For he that is dead is freed from sin.” Romans 6:7

***ALL Heaven’s going to break out when this hits you in the heart, when your heart perceives this cross economy divine revelation.

Finishing Strong mean Finishing Crucified and Resurrected

HOW will you finish? It’s really how you finish that matters most! (2 Timothy 4:7-8) Finish strong beloved – lay down your life, death and burial, so that the strength of your life is Christ’s resurrection grace! (See 2 Corinthians 12:9-10) Go down deep.

“And the remnant that is escaped of the house of Judah shall again take root downward, and bear fruit upward:” Isaiah 37:31

Read the verse above again, looking for the death, the burial, and raising up!

The context Isaiah 37:31 concerns Assyria seeking to seize Judah and yet out of that evil attempt to conquer God’s people came a “remnant.” Yet it’s those who submitted to the LORD in death, those who took root downward (death and burial) who were reciprocally raised up out of that snare and destruction. Resurrection grace wins every time, with no exception! The cross is the divine prescription for absolute victory in every situation.

God counteracts death by the promise of resurrection – now and in eternity! (1 Corinthians 15; 2 Corinthians 4:10-12).

“Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body. 11 For we which live are alway delivered unto death for Jesus’ sake, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our mortal flesh. 12 So then death worketh in us, but life in you.” 2 Corinthians 4:10-12

The depth you allow God to bury you determines the height of His resurrection, His raising up in your life! (See 2 Corinthians 4:10-12)

“Bow down thine ear, and hear the words of the wise, and apply thine heart unto my knowledge. 18 For it is a pleasant thing if thou keep them within thee; they shall withal be fitted in thy lips. 19 That thy trust may be in the LORD, I have made known to thee this day, even to thee. 20 Have not I written to thee excellent things in counsels and knowledge, 21 That I might make thee know the certainty of the words of truth; that thou mightest answer the words of truth to them that send unto thee?” Proverbs 22:17-21

“Forasmuch then as Christ hath suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves likewise with the same mind: for he that hath suffered in the flesh hath ceased from sin; 2 That he no longer should live the rest of his time in the flesh to the lusts of men, but to the will of God.” 1 Peter 4:1-2

“And ye know that he was manifested to take away our sins; and in him is no sin. 6 Whosoever abideth in him sinneth not: whosoever sinneth hath not seen him, neither known him.” 1 John 3:5-6

“What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? 20 For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.” 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Learning the Cross, the Crucified Life Where Jesus Reigns

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