Unconditional Love and Acceptance?

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Martin Bobgan, PhD.

Among the stellar emotional needs of humanistic psychology are unconditional acceptance, unconditional self-regard, unconditional self-acceptance, and unconditional love. The meaning of the word unconditional is “without conditions or reservations; absolute.”1 The practical extension of the theories of unconditional love is a permissive attitude and a morally nonrestrictive atmosphere. That means no conditions or restrictions in child rearing, counseling, and other human relationships. Since the parent or counselor is to be giving unconditional love, it must be an absolute love, unrestricted by human feelings or failings, since the very meaning of the word is “absolute.” But, if there is any absolute when it comes to love, it is that human love is limited. It is not what it was originally created to be, even in the best of people and circumstances, except when Jesus Himself is loving in and through a person.

Adler and Maslow considered these “unconditionals” to be basic human needs, essential to a person’s sense of wellbeing. They taught that people need to be loved and accepted unconditionally—without any conditions of performance. Thus their followers teach that parents must love and accept their children unconditionally. Moreover, they encourage all people to love and accept themselves unconditionally.

Adler, Maslow, Rogers and others believed that a human being will find answers to his own dilemmas and naturally blossom into his best self in an atmosphere of unconditional love and acceptance, by which they meant a permissive, unstructured atmosphere. Nevertheless, as much as they would like to think that they themselves loved their clients unconditionally, the truth of the matter is this: people are not able to love unconditionally.

The Myth of Unconditional Love

Unconditional love is a myth. That is because the human is naturally self-biased and the human heart is so deceitful that one can fool himself into thinking that he is loving unconditionally, when in fact he has all kinds of conditions. For instance, what kind of unconditional love and unconditional positive regard is at work when the client can no longer pay for services and therapy is discontinued? Furthermore, even the most nondirective counselors express approval or disapproval in subtle, if not direct, ways.2

The idea of people improving their life in an atmosphere of unconditional love is founded on the premise that people are born good and that their natural inclination to goodness is thwarted by their environment (mainly parents). In such a system, self is the victim of society but finds salvation, freedom, and fulfillment through unconditional self-love and self-acceptance. Unconditional love cannot be based upon performance or it wouldn’t be unconditional. Therefore, it must be based on the intrinsic worth of the person. Paul Brownback, in his book The Danger of Self-Love, explains it this way:

. . . by unconditional love we are speaking of love on the basis of being rather than doing. One implication of this teaching is the place of grandeur that it gives to the human being. I am lovable just because I am human; therefore being human, in and of itself, regardless of what I do with my humanness, must have some sort of independent value or worth. It is by itself a sufficient claim to respect and esteem.3

Thus, according to these self theories, everyone is born with the right to receive unconditional love and unconditional acceptance throughout his entire life, no matter what!

Pastors assigned to shepherd God’s flocks, should have been alert to the subtleties of deception that would turn a believer’s eyes from God to self. But alas, rather than warning the sheep, many of the shepherds have joined the psychologists and embrace their teachings of unconditional love and unconditional acceptance.

A Misunderstanding of God’s Love

The basis for their eager embrace is a misunderstanding of the love of God which passes knowledge. They equate unconditional love and acceptance with the fact that God’s love is vast, unfathomable, and unmerited. Then they follow that with the idea that if God loves and accepts people unconditionally, they should also love and accept themselves unconditionally. While this may sound like a logical progression, there are some serious problems with the basic assumptions. Therefore, we must address the question: Is God’s love unconditional? Are there any conditions that must be met to become a recipient of His love?

Paul prayed that the believers in Ephesus would be able to comprehend the breadth, length, depth and height of God’s love. He desired that they know the love of Christ, which surpasses knowledge, so that they would be filled with the fullness of God (Ephesians 3:16-19). The wide expanse of God’s love has been the theme of the gospel throughout the ages, for to know His love is to know Him. Therefore, any consideration of His love is highly important and must be based upon His revelation of Himself rather than upon the imagination of men.

Love According to Secular Humanism

Ever since the rise of secular humanism in this country and especially since the establishment of humanistic psychology, the popular, “relevant” term to describe God’s love has been unconditional. The thrust of this word in humanistic psychology has been both to give and to expect unconditional love from one another with no strings attached. While unconditional love and acceptance supposedly promote change and growth, they make no requirements. But God, who is love, requires and produces radical change—new life—and He enables His children to grow in righteousness.

In humanistic psychology, parents and society are always the culprits. Since they believe that every person is born with intrinsic worth and innate goodness, psychologists contend that one main reason people experience emotional and behavioral problems is because they have not received unconditional love from their parents. Following that thesis, Christians have come to believe that the best kind of love is unconditional love. It is the highest love secular humanists know. It is touted as a love that makes no demands for performance, good behavior, or the like. It has also been associated with a kind of permissiveness, since it makes no demands and has no conditions, even though the promoters of the unconditional love jargon would say that unconditional love does not have to dispense with discipline.

God’s Love Revealed through Scripture

Because the concept of unconditional love permeates society and because it is often thought of as the highest form of human love, it is natural for a Christian to use this term to describe God. After all, His love is far greater than any human love imaginable. God’s love for humanity is so great that “He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life” (John 3:16). Oh, the magnitude of the cost! We cannot even fathom His love even though our very breath depends upon it! His love indeed reaches to the heights and depths. Nevertheless, is God’s love truly unconditional?

God’s love is available to human beings by grace alone. There is nothing anyone can do to earn that love. There is no good work that is either demanded or even possible. Does that make God’s love unconditional? Because unconditional love is absolute and without any conditions whatsoever, all men would be saved if God’s love were unconditional. But that would be universalism. That would nullify the need for Christ’s sacrificial death and God’s condition of salvation by grace through faith.

We must also ask, does God’s love apply to the person who has sinned against the Holy Spirit by refusing to receive His grace throughout his lifetime and who is destined for hell? God chooses upon whom He will place His love and the benefits of his love. Did Jesus ever imply that God’s love is unconditional? He said to His disciples:

He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him (John 14:21).

One might argue, however, that the story of the prodigal son proves unconditional love. It indeed illustrates the vastness of God’s love, forgiveness and longsuffering. However, the son repented. If he had had a prosperous evil life he may never have repented. And while the father would have waited and hoped, he would not have extended his love. After all, he did not go out searching for him to support his folly. Up to a point this seems to indicate unconditional love, and yet, God is not waiting in ignorance, not knowing what those for whom His son died might be doing. He knows, and there comes a time when those who have refused his offer of love and forgiveness die and face the judgment. It is difficult enough to understand God’s love without adding the term unconditional which is loaded with secular, humanistic, psychological connotations. The story of the prodigal son teaches grace, forgiveness and mercy—but unconditional love? No!

While God loves with a greater love than humans can comprehend, His holiness and justice also must be taken into consideration. Therefore the term unconditional love is inadequate for defining God. It does not account for God’s reaction to pompous men who devise plans against Him and His anointed. The psalmist goes so far as to say:

He that sitteth in the heavens shall laugh: the Lord shall have them in derision. Then shall he speak to them in his wrath, and vex them in his sore displeasure (Psalm 2:4-5).

And what about Lot’s wife as she turned to look at the smoldering cities? Or what about Jesus’ words to the cities that refused to repent?

Woe unto thee, Chorazin! woe unto thee, Bethsaida! for if the mighty works, which were done in you, had been done in Tyre and Sidon, they would have repented long ago in sackcloth and ashes. But I say unto you, It shall be more tolerable for Tyre and Sidon at the day of judgment, than for you. And thou, Capernaum, which art exalted unto heaven, shalt be brought down to hell . . . . it shall be more tolerable for the land of Sodom in the day of judgment, than for thee (Matthew 11:21-24).

Does that sound like unconditional love?

But perhaps one could say that God’s love for the Christian is unconditional since the Christian partakes of His love and grace through faith. Wouldn’t it be better to say that the conditions have been met? Jesus met the first condition, to wash away the sin that God hates. The believer meets the second condition by grace through faith. Or, perhaps it would be better to say that God’s love extended to a person is conditioned by His plan to give eternal life to those who believe on His Son. The conditions of God’s love are resident within Himself.

There is a strong temptation to use vocabulary that is popular in society in order to make Christianity sound relevant. Christians have something far better than what the world offers, but in expressing that good news they confuse people by using words that are already loaded with humanistic connotations and systems of thought. It would be better not to use the expression unconditional love when describing God’s love. There are plenty of other good words.

In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him.

Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. . . .
And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him (1 John 4:9, 10, 16).

The incomprehensible magnitude of God’s love surpasses any concept of love devised by humanistic psychologists. The doctrine of unconditional love is a myth that glorifies man rather than God.

1. Webster’s New Universal Unabridged Dictionary, Second Edition, 1983.
2. Jay Haley. Strategies of Psychotherapy. New York: Grune & Stratton, Inc., 1963, pp. 71, 82.
3. Paul Brownback. The Danger of Self-Love. Chicago: Moody Press, 1982, p. 66.

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Why We Have Civil Authorities [podcast]

What should be our view of and responsibility to God-ordained civil authorities?

In light of these truths, it seems wise to remove oneself and family from the country, state, or local jurisdiction that is not punishing evildoers as God has ordained.

CRUSHING AND SEPARATING EVIL DOERS FROM THE GOOD PEOPLE IS GOD’S ORDAINED DUTY AND WILL FOR CIVIL AUTHORITIES TO CARRY OUT.

“A wise king scattereth the wicked, and bringeth the wheel over them.” Proverbs 20:26

A king or civil servant, ruler will destroy the wicked, he will truck them, he will crush them! Read the above verse again.

“The phrase ‘bringeth the wheel over them’ comes from Proverbs 20:26. It refers to the act of a wise king punishing or dealing with the wicked, particularly through the process of threshing (separating the good from the bad). The ‘wheel’ imagery suggests a thorough and often harsh application of this punishment.”

“Proverbs 20:26: Bringeth the wheel over them – He threshes them in his anger, as the wheel does the grain on the threshing-floor. Every one knows that grain was separated from its husks, in Palestine, by the feet of the oxen trampling among the sheaves, or bringing a rough-shod wheel over them. Asiatic kings often threshed their people, to bring out their property; but this is not what is intended here.” Adam Clarke

God ordained civil authorities to punish EVIL DOERS and not the good people! Any civil authority, whether an individual or the whole governmental system that punishes the good people, that weaponizes the system to destroy lawful, law abiding citizens, should be replaced. The framers of our Constitution actually set that in place.

God bless our Constitutionally abiding law enforcement which God ordains in order to punish evil doers. “Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord’s sake: whether it be to the king, as supreme; 14 Or unto governors, as unto them that are sent by him FOR THE PUNISHMENT OF EVILDOERS, and for the praise of them that do well.” (1 Peter 2:13-14)

“He that justifieth the wicked, and he that condemneth the just, even they both are abomination to the LORD.” Proverbs 17:15

Read Romans 13 and notice…. Civil Rulers, including the Police, are ordained of God to punish those who do evil. They are His “ministers.” A few bad cops doesn’t change this fact. Oh, and notice how criminals all go to hell—“damnation.”

Romans 13 and 1 Peter 2:12-14 …. whenever government isn’t punishing evil doers, and instead, turns and punishes well doers, that government is the antitheses, the opposite of what God ordained civil government for and should be abolished.

Submission to the Authorities

1 Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God. 2 Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation. 3 For rulers are not a terror to good works, but to the evil. Wilt thou then not be afraid of the power? do that which is good, and thou shalt have praise of the same: 4 For he is the minister of God to thee for good. But if thou do that which is evil, be afraid; for he beareth not the sword in vain: for he is the minister of God, a revenger to execute wrath upon him that doeth evil. 5 Wherefore ye must needs be subject, not only for wrath, but also for conscience sake. 6 For for this cause pay ye tribute also: for they are God’s ministers, attending continually upon this very thing. 7 Render therefore to all their dues: tribute to whom tribute is due; custom to whom custom; fear to whom fear; honour to whom honour. Fulfilling the Law Through Love 8 Owe no man any thing, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law. 9 For this, Thou shalt not commit adultery, Thou shalt not kill, Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not bear false witness, Thou shalt not covet; and if there be any other commandment, it is briefly comprehended in this saying, namely, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. 10 Love worketh no ill to his neighbour: therefore love is the fulfilling of the law. 11 And that, knowing the time, that now it is high time to awake out of sleep: for now is our salvation nearer than when we believed. 12 The night is far spent, the day is at hand: let us therefore cast off the works of darkness, and let us put on the armour of light. 13 Let us walk honestly, as in the day; not in rioting and drunkenness, not in chambering and wantonness, not in strife and envying. 14 But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof.” Romans 13

Truth: This priesthood of fake pastors bowed to Satan long ago. They are antichrists who bought into and even defend Satan’s fake “bibles” and teach heresies such as eternal security, etc.

Submission to civil authority has its limits and is contingent upon those authorities who are punishing evil doers and not having become the evil doers who then turn and punish the righteous.

Submission to Authority

“Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord’s sake: whether it be to the king, as supreme; 14 Or unto governors, as unto them that are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers, and for the praise of them that do well.” 1 Peter 2:13-14

Jesus died. He shed His precious blood to redeem His people “out of every kindred, and tongue, and people, and nation;”

“And they sung a new song, saying, Thou art worthy to take the book, and to open the seals thereof: for thou wast slain, and hast redeemed us to God by thy blood out of every kindred, and tongue, and people, and nation;” Revelation 5:9

“He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the LORD require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?” Micah 6:8

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Billy Graham Promoted and Sent People to Go Join the Catholic Church

“One of the most troubling problems within the church today is the unwavering loyalty to a ‘christian’ personality rather than to Christ and His Word. The unwillingness to test every man’s teaching with God’s Word, coupled with a stubborn lack of discernment, produces fertile ground for deception to flourish.” Evangeline DiChristi

from Chick Publications

Billy Graham Still Sending Converts Back to the Pope

Billy Graham. We know that his messages are solid gospel. Few in or out of the Christian World have not heard of him. Since 1949 he has held the spotlight as the most prominent evangelist in Christendom. He has just finished his 416th crusade in Pasadena, California that drew over 300,000 people in four days. 13,000+ responded to his altar calls. Graham is now 86 years old and has one more crusade scheduled in New York City next year, health permitting.

The Pasadena crusade was on the anniversary of his first Los Angeles revival 55 years ago. It was after that meeting that Graham was “kissed by William Randolph Hearst” according to Dr Cathy Burns in her book, Billy Graham and His Friends. This meant that Hearst had decided to promote Graham’s ministry in his nationwide chain of newspapers.

Immediately, reporters and photographers were crawling all over the Graham meetings. Front page articles began to appear in the leading local papers wherever Graham held meetings. One reporter was assigned full time to travel with Graham’s team.

In 1991, Graham claimed that this sudden attention remained a mystery. Burns describes a more complex scenario. Regardless, the publicity propelled Graham into the national, if not international, limelight.

Jesus warned, “Woe unto you, when all men shall speak well of you.” Over the years, Graham became the friend of presidents and kings, a beloved “America’s Pastor.”

But the fame came with a price. In his book, Smokescreens, written in 1983, Jack Chick describes how Roman Catholic leaders viewed and used Graham as a key player in their ecumenical plans. As early as 1965, he was a guest speaker at Catholic Belmont Abbey College in North Carolina where he received an honorary doctor’s degree. A college official’s letter describes Graham’s address as “theologically sound” as may have been given by “any other Catholic preacher.” The letter further states, “I would state that he could bring Catholics and Protestants together in a healthy ecumenic spirit.” Graham was also speaking at several other Catholic colleges at that time.

This prediction was fully realized. In Smokescreens, Chick shows various illustrations. In 1971 Graham is shown meeting with Oakland, California, Catholic Bishop Floyd Begin who lauded Graham’s ministry. In 1972 he received a Franciscan Friars’ award for true ecumenism. In 1979 Graham praised the pope as a “moral and spiritual leader that believes in something.”

In 1981 he was closeted for almost two hours with Pope John Paul II. After the 1982 New England crusade, thousands of those who went forward for salvation were turned over to Catholic clergy for follow-up.

And this hasn’t changed. Before the Pasadena crusade this year, The Tidings, official newspaper for the Los Angeles diocese, reported that Cardinal Mahony had written to parish priests to encourage their members to attend the crusade.

Crusade officials bragged that they had “a marvelous agreement” with Graham to give all registration cards to the diocese, of the inquirers who identified themselves as Catholic. The object was to “reincorporate Catholic Crusade participants back into full sacramental life in the Catholic Church.” “This is ecumenicity at it finest,” said Alexei Smith, Ecumenical and Interreligious Officer for the archdiocese.

There is no doubt that hundreds of thousands have been swept into the kingdom during the Graham crusades. But how tragic that so many who responded to Graham’s call to salvation were then sent back to the spiritual bondage and pagan rituals of the pope’s prostitute church?

Jack Chick concludes the Smokescreens chapter: “Yes, beloved. Billy Graham, as much as I love him and hate to say it, I believe was cleverly used as a smokescreen and as a pied piper for the whore of Revelation.”

In Graham’s 1952 Pittsburgh crusade, the Pittsburgh Sun-Telegraph reported that Graham said:

“Many of the people who reach a decision for Christ at our meetings have joined the Catholic Church and we have received commendations from Catholic publications for the revived interest in their Church following our campaigns. This happened both in Boston and Washington. After all, one of our prime purposes is to help the churches in a community. If after we move on, the local (sic) churches do not feel the efforts of these meetings in increased membership and attendance, then our crusade would have to be considered a failure.” [Emphasis in the original.]

Did you notice that Graham was only interested in a church’s increased membership-but nothing was said about a person receiving Christ as his or her personal Lord and Savior. This is what is important-not church membership! Church membership could increase a 1000-fold but if people are not being saved, then all is in vain.

Graham also gave a boost to the Catholic Church (in 1952) when he added that he “hoped to hear Bishop Fulton J. Sheen at one of the masses at St. Paul’s Cathedral tomorrow. ” [Emphasis in the original.]

“In 1968, Graham was in a meeting in San Antonio, Texas. He said that the Roman Church had given ‘tremendous cooperation’ in areas where he had held crusades. He added, ‘A great part of our support today comes from Catholics. We never hold a crusade without priests and nuns being much in evidence in the audience.”
By 1973 nuns were singing in the choir at Graham’s crusades.

Continuing on with Graham’s ecumenical outlook, the June 10, 1966 issue of Time said that volunteers “will tactfully receive those stepping forward to make a decision for Christ, [and] steer them to the nearest church of their chosen denomination….”

In Poland in 1978, “Graham taught nuns and priests how to evangelize. A picture taken at the famous Polish Shrine of the Black Madonna shows Graham welcoming pilgrims to the worship of their Virgin.”

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“And David was greatly distressed; for the people spake of stoning him, … but David encouraged himself in the LORD his God.” 1 Samuel 30:6

Gathering from several commentaries on this passage, one source notes the following:

“Faced with the devastating loss of Ziklag and a mutinous army threatening to stone him, David found supernatural resilience. Rather than yielding to panic or despair, he actively turned his focus away from the overwhelming crisis and strengthened his faith directly in God.

Key Context and Lessons

- The Crisis: Amalekite raiders had burned the city and captured all the women and children, including David’s own wives.
- The Breaking Point: His loyal men were now grieving and broken, turning their deep anguish into violent anger against their leader.
- The Shift: David did not look to his men, his own strength, or his circumstances for hope. He preached truth to his own soul, drawing on his past history with God’s faithfulness and inquiring of the Lord for his next steps.

Practical Takeaways

- Self-Talk: When no one else is around to lift you up, you must learn to speak God’s promises to your own heart.
- Refocusing: Encouraging yourself in the Lord means anchoring your identity and security in His unchanging character rather than shifting public opinion.
- Actionable Faith: David’s inward strengthening immediately led to outward action—he sought God’s direction and pursued the enemy, resulting in complete victory and restoration.”

“Confirming the souls of the disciples, and exhorting them to continue in the faith, and that we must through much tribulation enter into the kingdom of God.” Acts 14:22

“In the world ye shall have tribulation”

“These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

During seasons of great stress, this man after God’s own heart sought the LORD. This time only served as a blessing, hastening David to the feet of Christ. Beloved David gave us the most amazing Scriptures concerning seeking God.

“My soul followeth hard after thee.” Psalms 63:8

“As the hart panteth after the water brooks, so panteth my soul after thee, O God. 2 My soul thirsteth for God, for the living God: when shall I come and appear before God?” Psalms 42:1-2

“One thing have I desired of the LORD, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD, and to enquire in his temple.” Psalms 27:4

“When thou saidst, Seek ye my face; my heart said unto thee, Thy face, LORD, will I seek.” Psalms 27:8

Prayer: Father in Heaven, in the name of Jesus, please grant me, Your mere servant, to be possessed with a heart after You dear LORD. I love You Jesus. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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