Unconditional Love and Acceptance?

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Martin Bobgan, PhD.

Among the stellar emotional needs of humanistic psychology are unconditional acceptance, unconditional self-regard, unconditional self-acceptance, and unconditional love. The meaning of the word unconditional is “without conditions or reservations; absolute.”1 The practical extension of the theories of unconditional love is a permissive attitude and a morally nonrestrictive atmosphere. That means no conditions or restrictions in child rearing, counseling, and other human relationships. Since the parent or counselor is to be giving unconditional love, it must be an absolute love, unrestricted by human feelings or failings, since the very meaning of the word is “absolute.” But, if there is any absolute when it comes to love, it is that human love is limited. It is not what it was originally created to be, even in the best of people and circumstances, except when Jesus Himself is loving in and through a person.

Adler and Maslow considered these “unconditionals” to be basic human needs, essential to a person’s sense of wellbeing. They taught that people need to be loved and accepted unconditionally—without any conditions of performance. Thus their followers teach that parents must love and accept their children unconditionally. Moreover, they encourage all people to love and accept themselves unconditionally.

Adler, Maslow, Rogers and others believed that a human being will find answers to his own dilemmas and naturally blossom into his best self in an atmosphere of unconditional love and acceptance, by which they meant a permissive, unstructured atmosphere. Nevertheless, as much as they would like to think that they themselves loved their clients unconditionally, the truth of the matter is this: people are not able to love unconditionally.

The Myth of Unconditional Love

Unconditional love is a myth. That is because the human is naturally self-biased and the human heart is so deceitful that one can fool himself into thinking that he is loving unconditionally, when in fact he has all kinds of conditions. For instance, what kind of unconditional love and unconditional positive regard is at work when the client can no longer pay for services and therapy is discontinued? Furthermore, even the most nondirective counselors express approval or disapproval in subtle, if not direct, ways.2

The idea of people improving their life in an atmosphere of unconditional love is founded on the premise that people are born good and that their natural inclination to goodness is thwarted by their environment (mainly parents). In such a system, self is the victim of society but finds salvation, freedom, and fulfillment through unconditional self-love and self-acceptance. Unconditional love cannot be based upon performance or it wouldn’t be unconditional. Therefore, it must be based on the intrinsic worth of the person. Paul Brownback, in his book The Danger of Self-Love, explains it this way:

. . . by unconditional love we are speaking of love on the basis of being rather than doing. One implication of this teaching is the place of grandeur that it gives to the human being. I am lovable just because I am human; therefore being human, in and of itself, regardless of what I do with my humanness, must have some sort of independent value or worth. It is by itself a sufficient claim to respect and esteem.3

Thus, according to these self theories, everyone is born with the right to receive unconditional love and unconditional acceptance throughout his entire life, no matter what!

Pastors assigned to shepherd God’s flocks, should have been alert to the subtleties of deception that would turn a believer’s eyes from God to self. But alas, rather than warning the sheep, many of the shepherds have joined the psychologists and embrace their teachings of unconditional love and unconditional acceptance.

A Misunderstanding of God’s Love

The basis for their eager embrace is a misunderstanding of the love of God which passes knowledge. They equate unconditional love and acceptance with the fact that God’s love is vast, unfathomable, and unmerited. Then they follow that with the idea that if God loves and accepts people unconditionally, they should also love and accept themselves unconditionally. While this may sound like a logical progression, there are some serious problems with the basic assumptions. Therefore, we must address the question: Is God’s love unconditional? Are there any conditions that must be met to become a recipient of His love?

Paul prayed that the believers in Ephesus would be able to comprehend the breadth, length, depth and height of God’s love. He desired that they know the love of Christ, which surpasses knowledge, so that they would be filled with the fullness of God (Ephesians 3:16-19). The wide expanse of God’s love has been the theme of the gospel throughout the ages, for to know His love is to know Him. Therefore, any consideration of His love is highly important and must be based upon His revelation of Himself rather than upon the imagination of men.

Love According to Secular Humanism

Ever since the rise of secular humanism in this country and especially since the establishment of humanistic psychology, the popular, “relevant” term to describe God’s love has been unconditional. The thrust of this word in humanistic psychology has been both to give and to expect unconditional love from one another with no strings attached. While unconditional love and acceptance supposedly promote change and growth, they make no requirements. But God, who is love, requires and produces radical change—new life—and He enables His children to grow in righteousness.

In humanistic psychology, parents and society are always the culprits. Since they believe that every person is born with intrinsic worth and innate goodness, psychologists contend that one main reason people experience emotional and behavioral problems is because they have not received unconditional love from their parents. Following that thesis, Christians have come to believe that the best kind of love is unconditional love. It is the highest love secular humanists know. It is touted as a love that makes no demands for performance, good behavior, or the like. It has also been associated with a kind of permissiveness, since it makes no demands and has no conditions, even though the promoters of the unconditional love jargon would say that unconditional love does not have to dispense with discipline.

God’s Love Revealed through Scripture

Because the concept of unconditional love permeates society and because it is often thought of as the highest form of human love, it is natural for a Christian to use this term to describe God. After all, His love is far greater than any human love imaginable. God’s love for humanity is so great that “He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life” (John 3:16). Oh, the magnitude of the cost! We cannot even fathom His love even though our very breath depends upon it! His love indeed reaches to the heights and depths. Nevertheless, is God’s love truly unconditional?

God’s love is available to human beings by grace alone. There is nothing anyone can do to earn that love. There is no good work that is either demanded or even possible. Does that make God’s love unconditional? Because unconditional love is absolute and without any conditions whatsoever, all men would be saved if God’s love were unconditional. But that would be universalism. That would nullify the need for Christ’s sacrificial death and God’s condition of salvation by grace through faith.

We must also ask, does God’s love apply to the person who has sinned against the Holy Spirit by refusing to receive His grace throughout his lifetime and who is destined for hell? God chooses upon whom He will place His love and the benefits of his love. Did Jesus ever imply that God’s love is unconditional? He said to His disciples:

He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him (John 14:21).

One might argue, however, that the story of the prodigal son proves unconditional love. It indeed illustrates the vastness of God’s love, forgiveness and longsuffering. However, the son repented. If he had had a prosperous evil life he may never have repented. And while the father would have waited and hoped, he would not have extended his love. After all, he did not go out searching for him to support his folly. Up to a point this seems to indicate unconditional love, and yet, God is not waiting in ignorance, not knowing what those for whom His son died might be doing. He knows, and there comes a time when those who have refused his offer of love and forgiveness die and face the judgment. It is difficult enough to understand God’s love without adding the term unconditional which is loaded with secular, humanistic, psychological connotations. The story of the prodigal son teaches grace, forgiveness and mercy—but unconditional love? No!

While God loves with a greater love than humans can comprehend, His holiness and justice also must be taken into consideration. Therefore the term unconditional love is inadequate for defining God. It does not account for God’s reaction to pompous men who devise plans against Him and His anointed. The psalmist goes so far as to say:

He that sitteth in the heavens shall laugh: the Lord shall have them in derision. Then shall he speak to them in his wrath, and vex them in his sore displeasure (Psalm 2:4-5).

And what about Lot’s wife as she turned to look at the smoldering cities? Or what about Jesus’ words to the cities that refused to repent?

Woe unto thee, Chorazin! woe unto thee, Bethsaida! for if the mighty works, which were done in you, had been done in Tyre and Sidon, they would have repented long ago in sackcloth and ashes. But I say unto you, It shall be more tolerable for Tyre and Sidon at the day of judgment, than for you. And thou, Capernaum, which art exalted unto heaven, shalt be brought down to hell . . . . it shall be more tolerable for the land of Sodom in the day of judgment, than for thee (Matthew 11:21-24).

Does that sound like unconditional love?

But perhaps one could say that God’s love for the Christian is unconditional since the Christian partakes of His love and grace through faith. Wouldn’t it be better to say that the conditions have been met? Jesus met the first condition, to wash away the sin that God hates. The believer meets the second condition by grace through faith. Or, perhaps it would be better to say that God’s love extended to a person is conditioned by His plan to give eternal life to those who believe on His Son. The conditions of God’s love are resident within Himself.

There is a strong temptation to use vocabulary that is popular in society in order to make Christianity sound relevant. Christians have something far better than what the world offers, but in expressing that good news they confuse people by using words that are already loaded with humanistic connotations and systems of thought. It would be better not to use the expression unconditional love when describing God’s love. There are plenty of other good words.

In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him.

Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. . . .
And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him (1 John 4:9, 10, 16).

The incomprehensible magnitude of God’s love surpasses any concept of love devised by humanistic psychologists. The doctrine of unconditional love is a myth that glorifies man rather than God.

1. Webster’s New Universal Unabridged Dictionary, Second Edition, 1983.
2. Jay Haley. Strategies of Psychotherapy. New York: Grune & Stratton, Inc., 1963, pp. 71, 82.
3. Paul Brownback. The Danger of Self-Love. Chicago: Moody Press, 1982, p. 66.

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QUESTION:

“What does it mean to be ‘born again’?”

REPLY:

Great question. I am praying for you now. Born again is the same as regeneration we see in Titus 3:5-7. When the sinner (ALL of us) comes to God humbly, in repentance, turning his life to the LORD, and putting all of his faith now in Jesus Christ alone, God does a miracle in the person’s life – a change on the inside that is unmistakable and transforms that persons nature and life forever. From that moment onward, Christ reigns in that person’s life, filling him with love, joy, peace, etc. (Galatians 5:22-23). The LORD works from the inside out. First He saves, washes our sins away, and then dwells in that newly saved, born again temple (1 Corinthians 6:19-20).

To be born again you have to go to God directly…. admitting you have sinned against Him, and receive Jesus into your life. It has to be personal. Religions are designed to keep you from God while claiming to be the way to God. Beware.

“Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.” John 3:3

“Marvel not that I said unto thee, Ye must be born again (2nd birth).” John 3:7

“The birth for which Christ contends is from above – by the agency of the Holy Spirit. Every man must have two births, one from heaven, the other from earth – one of his body, the other of his soul: without the first he cannot see nor enjoy this world, without the last he can not see nor enjoy the kingdom of God. As there is an absolute necessity that a child should be born into the world, that he may see its light, contemplate its glories, and enjoy its good, so there is an absolute necessity that the soul should be brought out of its state of darkness and sin, through the light and power of the grace of Christ, that it may be able to see, or, to discern, the glories and excellencies of the kingdom of Christ here, and be prepared for the enjoyment of the kingdom of glory hereafter. The Jews had some general notion of the new birth; but, like many among Christians, they put the acts of proselytism, baptism, etc., in the place of the Holy Spirit and his influence: they acknowledged that a man must be born again; but they made that new birth to consist in profession, confession, and external washing.

The new birth which is here spoken of comprehends, not only what is termed justification or pardon, but also sanctification or holiness. Sin must be pardoned, and the impurity of the heart washed away, before any soul can possibly enter into the kingdom of God. As this new birth implies the renewing of the whole soul in righteousness and true holiness, it is not a matter that may be dispensed with: heaven is a place of holiness, and nothing but what is like itself can ever enter into it.” Adam Clarke

YOUR PRAYER TO GOD TO BE SAVED, TO BE FORGIVEN Are You Ready to be Saved? Okay here’s a prayer to be God’s child. You have to admit the obvious, that you have sinned against God and turn to Him fully, turn your life over to Him who made you. And confess Jesus Christ as the new LORD and Savior of your life. Pray this …

Your Prayer to God … You must honestly admit your sins and receive Christ… Apply His holy blood to your life so that you may be saved, forgiven, and live eternally with Him. You must completely turn your life over to Him in repentance and faith. Now, pray the following prayer to God with all that is within you, from your heart and out loud:….

Dear heavenly Father, right now, if never before, I come to You as a broken and sinful person. Thank You for sending Your only begotten Son to die in my place for my sins. Thank You Jesus for coming to this earth to die and rise again to rescue me from sin and eternal hell and to save me for Your eternal glory. Right this moment, if never before, I receive You LORD Jesus. Come in and take over my whole life. I am all Yours and You are all mine. I love You Jesus and I will follow You from this moment forward till I am with You in Heaven forever! Please use me to help others know You dear LORD. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

How do we know someone is “born of God”?

“Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. 18 And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation; … Now then we are ambassadors for Christ…” 2 Corinthians 5:17-18, 20

First off, if you are born again, you are changed from the inside out … you desire to do God’s will now…. and are learning the need for the cross, the daily crucified life (Luke 9:23-25).

Let us remember that the biblical words “born again” (John 3:3, 7), “born of God” (1 John 4:7), “regeneration,” and being a “new creature” in Christ go hand in hand or we can say, are synonymous.

“Born of God” appears 6 times in God’s Word and are all found in the book of 1 John:

1 John 3:9
Whosoever is BORN OF GOD doth not commit sin; for his seed remaineth in him: and he cannot sin, because he is BORN OF GOD.

Those who are “born of God” do not live in sin. They repent or return (turn back) to the LORD, confessing all sin. If not they will “fall away” and be outside of Christ (Luke 8:13). See Can a Born Again Man be Un-Born Again? [podcast]

1 John 4:7
Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is BORN OF GOD, and knoweth God.

Those who are “born of God” walk in His love toward others.

1 John 5:1
Whosoever believeth that Jesus is the Christ is BORN OF GOD: and every one that loveth him that begat loveth him also that is begotten of him.

Those who repent and believe upon Christ are “born of God” and they love all other of Christ’s saints.

1 John 5:4
For whatsoever is BORN OF GOD overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith.

Those who are “born of God” overcome this fallen world. By present and perpetual faith, they “overcometh the world.”

1 John 5:18
We know that whosoever is BORN OF GOD sinneth not; but he that is begotten of God keepeth himself, and that wicked one toucheth him not.

Those “born of God” do not live in sin. Rather, they “keepeth” themselves from sin and therefore Satan. This is accomplished by what we read in 1 John 1 and 2 – which spells out the walk of the true disciple of Jesus.

MAY GOD bless each disciple of Jesus today to abide in Christ by walking crucified and raised up by Him today (2 Corinthians 4:10-12). May “the fruit of the Spirit”, the “Love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance” be abundantly produced in the life of every saint of Jesus! May it be 100 fold LORD! (John 15) If you have been drawn in by Christ (John 6:44; 12:32), have repented (Luke 13:3), have received Christ (John 1:12), and are born again (John 3:3), you are bought by the precious blood of the LORD Jesus Christ (1 Peter 1:17-18).

YOUR PRAYER: Heavenly Father, You found and saved me into Your eternal kingdom by way of the precious blood of Your only begotten Son, Jesus Christ. I stop this life here and now, and I give You praise. I love You LORD Jesus. I am no longer my own but Yours. I am crucified with Christ. Please work in me both to will and to do of Your good pleasure. I am all Yours LORD and I know You are all mine! Please fill this vessel with Your Holy Ghost afresh, and please use me. In Jesus’ name, amen Master Jesus!

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Apostasy

Jesus Calling Devotional Exposed: 10 Things You Might Not Know

“I know so many who are so deceived by this book!! The author is a woman and she makes Jesus sound like your boyfriend who is so in love with you he can’t bare a minute without you! It is sickening! Plus she says the Bible was not enough for her. She needed more. This author died and if she did repent of her blasphemy against a holy God she is burning in hell as we speak. There are not two Jesus’s! This book presents a weak, tolerant of all your sin, pathetic, spineless ‘Jesus.’ This false ‘Jesus’ just sits in heaven google-eyed over you and how much He can’t live one minute without you in His presence! This is opposite of the fierce Christ who calls out sin and hypocrisy, who took a whip to the money changers and flipped over tables in righteous anger! Mathew 23 shows us some of the most severe rebukes in all the New Testament. This is the Jesus true disciples chose to follow! May this new documentary open the eyes of many so-called Christians to how demonic and evil this book is.” Karen Cochran

BEWARE of the Jesus Calling devotional book which is written by a full blown heretic, Sarah Young. This book continually assures things to lost souls (catholics, etc.) reserved only for the true Christian. It promises salvation, assurance, grace, mercy, the glory of God, etc to lost hell bound idolatrous sinners. Like antichrist Rick Warren’s Purpose Driven Life book, Jesus Calling never calls sinners to repent which is a Gospel essential and without which God will never save any soul from sin and hell (Luke 13:3, 5). You will never hear Jesus’ born again commanded or command to repent in this heretical devotional book title Jesus Calling. This monstrosity simply confirms sinners in their sin, sealing their doom in the lake of fire (Jeremiah 23:17; Lamentations 2:14, etc.).

Sarah Young is just another self-willed false prophet who does “ministry” her way, not God’s, in order to sell books and to mislead eternal souls into eternal damnation.

The blessings of God in Christ’s salvation are reserved only for those born again “in Christ,” and never for hell bound religious idolaters (John 15:7; 2 Corinthians 1:20; 2 Peter 1:1-4, etc.).

Stacy Strother writes:

“Her subtly, deceptive, doctrinally corrupt fairy tale version of what she calls bible studies for all the different ages of people, including children’s bible studies, teen and other, are found in the book stores—shelves filled full.

She is deceived, a false witness, False bible teacher, and has not heard from our Jesus—the Christ, Son of the living God, of which, is the very Word of God.

She hears from demons. Period! She needs to REPENT, and be born again! Please Lord Jesus, help her see her own demise!”

About That Jesus Calling – 10 Things You Might Not Know

ARE you seeking to experience God OR to KNOW HIM? (John 17:3)

“People want a word from God instead of the Word OF God.” Warren Smith

by Lighthouse Trails Editors

1. Did you know that Sarah Young says she had been inspired by the “Jesus” of a book called God Calling?

2. Did you know that Christian publisher Harvest House’s book The Encyclopedia of New Age Beliefs says that God Calling is an example of a channeled New Age book “replete with denials of biblical teaching”?1

3. Did you know that the “Jesus” of God Calling teaches that God is “in” everyone?

4. Did you know that the “Jesus” of Jesus Calling contradicts the Jesus of the Bible?

5. Did you know that the “Jesus” of Jesus Calling rejects the Jesus of the Bible’s warnings about the future and tells us to “laugh” at the future?

6. Did you know that the “Jesus” of Jesus Calling frequently flatters his followers, which contrasts the way Jesus Christ spoke to people?

7. Did you know that Sarah Young’s “Jesus” revises the night that Jesus Christ was born and calls it a “dark night” in a “filthy stable” in “appalling conditions” even though the Bible says the shepherds rejoiced in all that they had seen that night? 2

8. Did you know that the “Jesus” of Jesus Calling revises the accounts of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob and Joseph of the Bible?

9. Did you know that the “Jesus” of Jesus Calling encourages his followers to practice contemplative “listening” prayer and to have a “buffer zone of silence” with no warning about seducing spirits?3

10. Did you know that the “Jesus” of Jesus Calling emphasizes New Age terms and concepts throughout the book?

The 10 points above have been taken from Warren B. Smith’s new book, “Another Jesus” Calling. This book provides valuable information that can help you warn your family and friends how the “Jesus” of Jesus Calling contradicts the biblical Jesus.

Notes:

1. John Ankerberg & John Weldon, Encyclopedia of New Age Beliefs (Eugene, OR: Harvest House Publishers, 1996), p. 103.

2. Sarah Young, Jesus Calling, p. 376.

3. Jesus Calling, June 15th entry

FEEDBACK:

“Solid Biblical refutation of the “New Age ” nonsense passing itself off as the latest thing God is doing. In our area a number of Churches have embraced this and other similar material with no discernment to the un-biblical nature of this drivel. Thank God for Warren B. Smith and others who provide an inestimable service to the Body of Christ as “watchmen on the wall.” Pastor Tom, West Harrison NY”

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Only God knows the future. Law of probability and the fulfillment of Bible prophecies: Odds of the 332 prophecies of the prophets concerning the coming Messiah, given hundreds of years prior to His arrival coming true are: 8,749,002,899,132,046,697,490,008,908,470,485,461,412,622,723,572,849,745,… 703,082,425,425,639,811,996,797,503,692,894,052,708,092,215,296 to 1 Fact: Only the Almighty could know the future and forthtell it in specific detail, long before it ever happened. THIS is how we know that the Bible is truly the Word of the one true God and that all other so-called “holy books” are frauds. “Heaven and earth shall pass away: but my words shall not pass away.” Mark […]

Jesus vs The Pope, Muhammad, Joseph Smith, and Ellen White [podcast]

*CORRECTION: Ellen White was the false prophet of the SDA (Seventh Day Adventists) and not the JW (Jehovah’s Witness) cult. Both the Seventh-day Adventists and the Jehovah’s Witnesses grew out of the Adventist movement of the 19th century, the Seventh-day Adventists specifically through the Millerites. Both still cults. Jesus Christ founded the Christian faith. The kingdom of Christ is revealed in the Bible which is the only divinely inspired holy Book on the planet and we know that because only God could know “the end from the beginning” which is something He declares and demonstrates in His Word (Isaiah 46:9-10). […]