Unconditional Love and Acceptance?

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Martin Bobgan, PhD.

Among the stellar emotional needs of humanistic psychology are unconditional acceptance, unconditional self-regard, unconditional self-acceptance, and unconditional love. The meaning of the word unconditional is “without conditions or reservations; absolute.”1 The practical extension of the theories of unconditional love is a permissive attitude and a morally nonrestrictive atmosphere. That means no conditions or restrictions in child rearing, counseling, and other human relationships. Since the parent or counselor is to be giving unconditional love, it must be an absolute love, unrestricted by human feelings or failings, since the very meaning of the word is “absolute.” But, if there is any absolute when it comes to love, it is that human love is limited. It is not what it was originally created to be, even in the best of people and circumstances, except when Jesus Himself is loving in and through a person.

Adler and Maslow considered these “unconditionals” to be basic human needs, essential to a person’s sense of wellbeing. They taught that people need to be loved and accepted unconditionally—without any conditions of performance. Thus their followers teach that parents must love and accept their children unconditionally. Moreover, they encourage all people to love and accept themselves unconditionally.

Adler, Maslow, Rogers and others believed that a human being will find answers to his own dilemmas and naturally blossom into his best self in an atmosphere of unconditional love and acceptance, by which they meant a permissive, unstructured atmosphere. Nevertheless, as much as they would like to think that they themselves loved their clients unconditionally, the truth of the matter is this: people are not able to love unconditionally.

The Myth of Unconditional Love

Unconditional love is a myth. That is because the human is naturally self-biased and the human heart is so deceitful that one can fool himself into thinking that he is loving unconditionally, when in fact he has all kinds of conditions. For instance, what kind of unconditional love and unconditional positive regard is at work when the client can no longer pay for services and therapy is discontinued? Furthermore, even the most nondirective counselors express approval or disapproval in subtle, if not direct, ways.2

The idea of people improving their life in an atmosphere of unconditional love is founded on the premise that people are born good and that their natural inclination to goodness is thwarted by their environment (mainly parents). In such a system, self is the victim of society but finds salvation, freedom, and fulfillment through unconditional self-love and self-acceptance. Unconditional love cannot be based upon performance or it wouldn’t be unconditional. Therefore, it must be based on the intrinsic worth of the person. Paul Brownback, in his book The Danger of Self-Love, explains it this way:

. . . by unconditional love we are speaking of love on the basis of being rather than doing. One implication of this teaching is the place of grandeur that it gives to the human being. I am lovable just because I am human; therefore being human, in and of itself, regardless of what I do with my humanness, must have some sort of independent value or worth. It is by itself a sufficient claim to respect and esteem.3

Thus, according to these self theories, everyone is born with the right to receive unconditional love and unconditional acceptance throughout his entire life, no matter what!

Pastors assigned to shepherd God’s flocks, should have been alert to the subtleties of deception that would turn a believer’s eyes from God to self. But alas, rather than warning the sheep, many of the shepherds have joined the psychologists and embrace their teachings of unconditional love and unconditional acceptance.

A Misunderstanding of God’s Love

The basis for their eager embrace is a misunderstanding of the love of God which passes knowledge. They equate unconditional love and acceptance with the fact that God’s love is vast, unfathomable, and unmerited. Then they follow that with the idea that if God loves and accepts people unconditionally, they should also love and accept themselves unconditionally. While this may sound like a logical progression, there are some serious problems with the basic assumptions. Therefore, we must address the question: Is God’s love unconditional? Are there any conditions that must be met to become a recipient of His love?

Paul prayed that the believers in Ephesus would be able to comprehend the breadth, length, depth and height of God’s love. He desired that they know the love of Christ, which surpasses knowledge, so that they would be filled with the fullness of God (Ephesians 3:16-19). The wide expanse of God’s love has been the theme of the gospel throughout the ages, for to know His love is to know Him. Therefore, any consideration of His love is highly important and must be based upon His revelation of Himself rather than upon the imagination of men.

Love According to Secular Humanism

Ever since the rise of secular humanism in this country and especially since the establishment of humanistic psychology, the popular, “relevant” term to describe God’s love has been unconditional. The thrust of this word in humanistic psychology has been both to give and to expect unconditional love from one another with no strings attached. While unconditional love and acceptance supposedly promote change and growth, they make no requirements. But God, who is love, requires and produces radical change—new life—and He enables His children to grow in righteousness.

In humanistic psychology, parents and society are always the culprits. Since they believe that every person is born with intrinsic worth and innate goodness, psychologists contend that one main reason people experience emotional and behavioral problems is because they have not received unconditional love from their parents. Following that thesis, Christians have come to believe that the best kind of love is unconditional love. It is the highest love secular humanists know. It is touted as a love that makes no demands for performance, good behavior, or the like. It has also been associated with a kind of permissiveness, since it makes no demands and has no conditions, even though the promoters of the unconditional love jargon would say that unconditional love does not have to dispense with discipline.

God’s Love Revealed through Scripture

Because the concept of unconditional love permeates society and because it is often thought of as the highest form of human love, it is natural for a Christian to use this term to describe God. After all, His love is far greater than any human love imaginable. God’s love for humanity is so great that “He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life” (John 3:16). Oh, the magnitude of the cost! We cannot even fathom His love even though our very breath depends upon it! His love indeed reaches to the heights and depths. Nevertheless, is God’s love truly unconditional?

God’s love is available to human beings by grace alone. There is nothing anyone can do to earn that love. There is no good work that is either demanded or even possible. Does that make God’s love unconditional? Because unconditional love is absolute and without any conditions whatsoever, all men would be saved if God’s love were unconditional. But that would be universalism. That would nullify the need for Christ’s sacrificial death and God’s condition of salvation by grace through faith.

We must also ask, does God’s love apply to the person who has sinned against the Holy Spirit by refusing to receive His grace throughout his lifetime and who is destined for hell? God chooses upon whom He will place His love and the benefits of his love. Did Jesus ever imply that God’s love is unconditional? He said to His disciples:

He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him (John 14:21).

One might argue, however, that the story of the prodigal son proves unconditional love. It indeed illustrates the vastness of God’s love, forgiveness and longsuffering. However, the son repented. If he had had a prosperous evil life he may never have repented. And while the father would have waited and hoped, he would not have extended his love. After all, he did not go out searching for him to support his folly. Up to a point this seems to indicate unconditional love, and yet, God is not waiting in ignorance, not knowing what those for whom His son died might be doing. He knows, and there comes a time when those who have refused his offer of love and forgiveness die and face the judgment. It is difficult enough to understand God’s love without adding the term unconditional which is loaded with secular, humanistic, psychological connotations. The story of the prodigal son teaches grace, forgiveness and mercy—but unconditional love? No!

While God loves with a greater love than humans can comprehend, His holiness and justice also must be taken into consideration. Therefore the term unconditional love is inadequate for defining God. It does not account for God’s reaction to pompous men who devise plans against Him and His anointed. The psalmist goes so far as to say:

He that sitteth in the heavens shall laugh: the Lord shall have them in derision. Then shall he speak to them in his wrath, and vex them in his sore displeasure (Psalm 2:4-5).

And what about Lot’s wife as she turned to look at the smoldering cities? Or what about Jesus’ words to the cities that refused to repent?

Woe unto thee, Chorazin! woe unto thee, Bethsaida! for if the mighty works, which were done in you, had been done in Tyre and Sidon, they would have repented long ago in sackcloth and ashes. But I say unto you, It shall be more tolerable for Tyre and Sidon at the day of judgment, than for you. And thou, Capernaum, which art exalted unto heaven, shalt be brought down to hell . . . . it shall be more tolerable for the land of Sodom in the day of judgment, than for thee (Matthew 11:21-24).

Does that sound like unconditional love?

But perhaps one could say that God’s love for the Christian is unconditional since the Christian partakes of His love and grace through faith. Wouldn’t it be better to say that the conditions have been met? Jesus met the first condition, to wash away the sin that God hates. The believer meets the second condition by grace through faith. Or, perhaps it would be better to say that God’s love extended to a person is conditioned by His plan to give eternal life to those who believe on His Son. The conditions of God’s love are resident within Himself.

There is a strong temptation to use vocabulary that is popular in society in order to make Christianity sound relevant. Christians have something far better than what the world offers, but in expressing that good news they confuse people by using words that are already loaded with humanistic connotations and systems of thought. It would be better not to use the expression unconditional love when describing God’s love. There are plenty of other good words.

In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him.

Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. . . .
And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him (1 John 4:9, 10, 16).

The incomprehensible magnitude of God’s love surpasses any concept of love devised by humanistic psychologists. The doctrine of unconditional love is a myth that glorifies man rather than God.

1. Webster’s New Universal Unabridged Dictionary, Second Edition, 1983.
2. Jay Haley. Strategies of Psychotherapy. New York: Grune & Stratton, Inc., 1963, pp. 71, 82.
3. Paul Brownback. The Danger of Self-Love. Chicago: Moody Press, 1982, p. 66.

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“Jezebel is a widely rampant spirit of rebellion that is hard to get rid of, rooted in pride, self-will, and self-sufficiency. Only the LORD can deliver but only if the individual truly repents and submits to Him, to His Word.” Anita Villarreal

Any person defending this jezebel heresy that women can be pastors, elders over men, is under the control of Satan, period. And in need of true repentance (James 4:7).

—-There are NO female apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors, or teachers under the New Testament (Ephesians 4:8, 11-12). Jesus gave these “gifts unto MEN.” (Ephesians 4:8) There is not even one woman mentioned in 27 books as an elder over Christ’s flock. Such is clearly forbidden (1 Timothy 2:11-12). In Acts 21:9 we read of Phillip’s daughters which “did prophesy” which is a gift of the Spirit (one of the nine-1 Corinthians 12:7-10). The office gifts are eldership functions for men called to be overseers over Christ’s flock, which is completely different than the gifts of the Spirit which every believer can function in and certainly women are seen doing such as Phillip’s daughters and how women are mentioned concerning operating in the gifts of the Spirit in 1 Corinthians 14.

Classic case of a jezebel lashing out when the Word of GOD corrects her (2 Timothy 3:16-17). Her rebellion is against God. Jezebel is utterly rebellious. She hates what God’s Word says and so the demons that control jezebels will lash out in personal attacks against the men who stand on the truth unwaveringly (such as did Elijah whom Jezebel sought to kill).

“Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. 12 But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. 13 For Adam was first formed, then Eve. 14 And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.” 1 Timothy 2:11-14

From the divine perspective, this is not about oppression but rather about protect. See Revelation 2:20-24 to see what Jesus warns when a woman is allowed to lead as an elder in the body of Christ. He uses the words “The depths of Satan” and speaks of the death and destruction that will result when the men allow a woman to lead in a manner that is outside of the stated role God ordained for the woman.

Yes the LORD said He will pour out His Spirit on all flesh, sons and daughter, but not to anoint a woman to do something HE forbids. Women are to teach women yes but not the general body of believers (Titus 2:1-5). There are NO female elders in the New Testament. God forbids it. Eldership is reserved for men – to humbly teach, lead and protect and cherish women and children.

“There’s a crazy role reversal across the land and men should always lead. Even our women’s prayer group was led by the pastor because that’s what he believed. Women are more emotional and men more logical. Both have their designated roles . God meant them to compliment each other rather than to compete.” John Umlauf

When people don’t like what God’s Word states, they will attack the mere messenger as if that changes the truth. Not. And, they heap judgment on themselves by doing so (Matthew 7:1-5; James 2:13). Persecution

“For we are not as many, which corrupt (twist, adulterate) the word of God: but as of sincerity, but as of God, in the sight of God speak we in Christ.” 2 Corinthians 2:17

“He that is of God heareth God’s words: ye therefore hear them not, because ye are not of God.” John 8:47

“Whoso despiseth the word shall be destroyed: but he that feareth the commandment shall be rewarded.” Proverbs 13:13

Jesus Addresses the Ahabs and Self-Appointed Jezebel at the Church at Thyatira

Revelation 2:20-24

Revelation 2:20-24 is about a certain self-appointed woman who was allowed by the spineless men in Thyatira to operate out of the biblically-stated order for women in the church setting.

Rev 2:20 Notwithstanding I have a few things against thee, because thou sufferest that woman Jezebel, which calleth herself a prophetess, to teach and to seduce my servants to commit fornication, and to eat things sacrificed unto idols.
Rev 2:21 And I gave her space to repent of her fornication; and she repented not.
Rev 2:22 Behold, I will cast her into a bed, and them that commit adultery with her into great tribulation, except they repent of their deeds.
Rev 2:23 And I will kill her children with death; and all the churches shall know that I am he which searcheth the reins and hearts: and I will give unto every one of you according to your works.
Rev 2:24 But unto you I say, and unto the rest in Thyatira, as many as have not this doctrine, and which have not known the depths of Satan, as they speak; I will put upon you none other burden.

Jezebel Category

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Family | Godly Manhood | Women

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Gospel Action in Mexico Part 36 [video]

Your prayers and giving are bolstering Christ’s work as we look for His soon return (Luke 12:40; 21:28).

Real people receiving real help, the Gospel, real love from God through the body of Christ (John 13:34-35; Romans 5:5).

Father, in the name of Jesus Christ, please break me! Please crush me dear LORD. YOU are my Potter. Pour the water of Your Holy Spirit and Word upon this life You made and saved for Your glory, not mine. I love You Jesus! Let this heart be broken, contrite, and let tears flow from a poor and pure heart that hungers and thirsts after Your righteousness. In the name of my LORD Jesus, amen.

Would you like to pause and lift Moises up in prayer to our LORD?

After seeing and hearing me preaching our LORD’s Word to others and give the JESUS tracts (in Spanish), this man called me over, asking about the Gospel!

Moises was excited to hear you would be praying for him.

Mission Mexico

Ajijic Mexico – Lake Chapala. Largest lake in Mexico

Declaring Christ’s Gospel to 5 young men who as usual were super receptive. “How shall they hear without a preacher?” (Romans 10:14)

“He nailed it. Community has been lost in America. Just today I was at the store and thought we don’t look each other in the eyes anymore. Then I thought the very next person I see I will make it a point to smile and look them in the eyes. But sadly the next person was on his phone. The connection with each other has been lost. And do people even realize it? No it doesn’t seem like it! Their phones now consume their lives.” Karen Cochran

Mr. Sammy is 81 years old and looks fabulous for his age.

Support Mission Mexico here. Takes seconds.

Josefina is a born again Christian and was very appreciative to know you will be pausing to lift her in prayer.

Taselo is this beloved man’s name. He received the Gospel, spoken and in print formats.

Here is Alfredo with his family. Thank you for pausing to lift this family in prayer.

Your prayers and support are making this happen. God is working in the lives of many who are being reached daily here in beautiful Mexico. Our LORD is moving on the hearts of the beautiful people of Mexico. John 12:32; Luke 19:10, etc.

“For the Son of man is come to seek and to save that which was lost.” Luke 19:10

Mission Mexico – See more here.

Download. Read. Print out your supply of the JESUS tract – English and Spanish.

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Reading 1 Corinthians 13 each morning this week is a life changer. Nothing in our lives is going to work out right if we don’t prayerfully endeavor to walk in God’s love – loving God and our neighbor, above ourselves. I love pouring prayerfully over 1 Corinthians 13 and Philippians 2:3-5. Life changing is an understatement!

Racism is hatred and is not a skin color. It is a heart condition – coming from a sinful heart. Memorize Romans 2:11.

In the time of tribulation for the believers at Thessalonica, the Holy Spirit spoke through Paul and said this:

“And the Lord direct your hearts into the love of God, and into the patient waiting for Christ.” 2 Thessalonians 3:5

By this we know of a certainty that the Holy Spirit is leading, directing our “hearts into the LOVE of God” and not the flesh, not a fleshly response. We now face tribulation and can be assured by this truth that our unchanging God is directing our hearts into His love and not hatred.

This is a divine truth for every era, every hour…. and we sure know that sin is exponentially abounding in this late hour…. which means divine grace is even greater – to save, heal, bless, deliver, and make whole!!!!

“But where sin abounded, grace did much more abound:” Romans 5:20

Here’s more evidence of God’s leading His people into the love walk in trying times:

“But the end of all things is at hand: be ye therefore sober, and watch unto prayer. 8 And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:7-8

Any person who does not walk in God’s love is not saved and we know that from many Scriptures. No hate, no hater shall enter Christ’s kingdom, no matter what justification that sinner thinks he has to warrant hating anyone. “He that loveth not knoweth not God.” (1 John 4:8) “Whosoever hateth his brother is a murderer: and ye know that no murderer hath eternal life abiding in him.” (1 John 3:15)

When His disciples ask Him “what shall be the sign of thy coming, and of the end of the world?”, Jesus gave them this answer:

“And Jesus answered and said unto them, Take heed that no man deceive you. 5 For many shall come in my name, saying, I am Christ; and shall deceive many. 6 And ye shall hear of wars and rumours of wars: see that ye be not troubled: for all these things must come to pass, but the end is not yet. 7 For nation (ethnic group) shall rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom: and there shall be famines, and pestilences, and earthquakes, in divers places. 8 All these are the beginning of sorrows. 9 Then shall they deliver you up to be afflicted, and shall kill you: and ye shall be hated of all nations for my name’s sake. 10 And then shall many be offended, and shall betray one another, and shall hate one another. 11 And many false prophets shall rise, and shall deceive many. 12 And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold. 13 But he that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved.” Matthew 24:4-13

“Thou therefore endure hardness, as a good soldier of Jesus Christ. 4 No man that warreth entangleth himself with the affairs of this life; that he may please him who hath chosen him to be a soldier. 5 And if a man also strive for masteries, yet is he not crowned, except he strive lawfully.” 2 Timothy 2:3-5

The Church began, will end as containing precious souls from every nation, kindred, and tongue (Acts 2; Revelation 5:9; 14:6).

The New Testament church began with men from every nation under Heaven and will be the same throughout eternity in glory.

Acts 2:1-13

“And they sung a new song, saying, Thou art worthy to take the book, and to open the seals thereof: for thou wast slain, and hast redeemed us to God by thy blood out of every kindred, and tongue, and people, and nation;” Revelation 5:9

Nation/ethnos, ethnic yes…groups at odds was foretold by Jesus – Matthew 24:7

Yes we can be at peace, Jesus told us to fear not and to be at peace …..

John 14:27 Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

John 16:33 These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.

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