Unconditional Love and Acceptance?

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Martin Bobgan, PhD.

Among the stellar emotional needs of humanistic psychology are unconditional acceptance, unconditional self-regard, unconditional self-acceptance, and unconditional love. The meaning of the word unconditional is “without conditions or reservations; absolute.”1 The practical extension of the theories of unconditional love is a permissive attitude and a morally nonrestrictive atmosphere. That means no conditions or restrictions in child rearing, counseling, and other human relationships. Since the parent or counselor is to be giving unconditional love, it must be an absolute love, unrestricted by human feelings or failings, since the very meaning of the word is “absolute.” But, if there is any absolute when it comes to love, it is that human love is limited. It is not what it was originally created to be, even in the best of people and circumstances, except when Jesus Himself is loving in and through a person.

Adler and Maslow considered these “unconditionals” to be basic human needs, essential to a person’s sense of wellbeing. They taught that people need to be loved and accepted unconditionally—without any conditions of performance. Thus their followers teach that parents must love and accept their children unconditionally. Moreover, they encourage all people to love and accept themselves unconditionally.

Adler, Maslow, Rogers and others believed that a human being will find answers to his own dilemmas and naturally blossom into his best self in an atmosphere of unconditional love and acceptance, by which they meant a permissive, unstructured atmosphere. Nevertheless, as much as they would like to think that they themselves loved their clients unconditionally, the truth of the matter is this: people are not able to love unconditionally.

The Myth of Unconditional Love

Unconditional love is a myth. That is because the human is naturally self-biased and the human heart is so deceitful that one can fool himself into thinking that he is loving unconditionally, when in fact he has all kinds of conditions. For instance, what kind of unconditional love and unconditional positive regard is at work when the client can no longer pay for services and therapy is discontinued? Furthermore, even the most nondirective counselors express approval or disapproval in subtle, if not direct, ways.2

The idea of people improving their life in an atmosphere of unconditional love is founded on the premise that people are born good and that their natural inclination to goodness is thwarted by their environment (mainly parents). In such a system, self is the victim of society but finds salvation, freedom, and fulfillment through unconditional self-love and self-acceptance. Unconditional love cannot be based upon performance or it wouldn’t be unconditional. Therefore, it must be based on the intrinsic worth of the person. Paul Brownback, in his book The Danger of Self-Love, explains it this way:

. . . by unconditional love we are speaking of love on the basis of being rather than doing. One implication of this teaching is the place of grandeur that it gives to the human being. I am lovable just because I am human; therefore being human, in and of itself, regardless of what I do with my humanness, must have some sort of independent value or worth. It is by itself a sufficient claim to respect and esteem.3

Thus, according to these self theories, everyone is born with the right to receive unconditional love and unconditional acceptance throughout his entire life, no matter what!

Pastors assigned to shepherd God’s flocks, should have been alert to the subtleties of deception that would turn a believer’s eyes from God to self. But alas, rather than warning the sheep, many of the shepherds have joined the psychologists and embrace their teachings of unconditional love and unconditional acceptance.

A Misunderstanding of God’s Love

The basis for their eager embrace is a misunderstanding of the love of God which passes knowledge. They equate unconditional love and acceptance with the fact that God’s love is vast, unfathomable, and unmerited. Then they follow that with the idea that if God loves and accepts people unconditionally, they should also love and accept themselves unconditionally. While this may sound like a logical progression, there are some serious problems with the basic assumptions. Therefore, we must address the question: Is God’s love unconditional? Are there any conditions that must be met to become a recipient of His love?

Paul prayed that the believers in Ephesus would be able to comprehend the breadth, length, depth and height of God’s love. He desired that they know the love of Christ, which surpasses knowledge, so that they would be filled with the fullness of God (Ephesians 3:16-19). The wide expanse of God’s love has been the theme of the gospel throughout the ages, for to know His love is to know Him. Therefore, any consideration of His love is highly important and must be based upon His revelation of Himself rather than upon the imagination of men.

Love According to Secular Humanism

Ever since the rise of secular humanism in this country and especially since the establishment of humanistic psychology, the popular, “relevant” term to describe God’s love has been unconditional. The thrust of this word in humanistic psychology has been both to give and to expect unconditional love from one another with no strings attached. While unconditional love and acceptance supposedly promote change and growth, they make no requirements. But God, who is love, requires and produces radical change—new life—and He enables His children to grow in righteousness.

In humanistic psychology, parents and society are always the culprits. Since they believe that every person is born with intrinsic worth and innate goodness, psychologists contend that one main reason people experience emotional and behavioral problems is because they have not received unconditional love from their parents. Following that thesis, Christians have come to believe that the best kind of love is unconditional love. It is the highest love secular humanists know. It is touted as a love that makes no demands for performance, good behavior, or the like. It has also been associated with a kind of permissiveness, since it makes no demands and has no conditions, even though the promoters of the unconditional love jargon would say that unconditional love does not have to dispense with discipline.

God’s Love Revealed through Scripture

Because the concept of unconditional love permeates society and because it is often thought of as the highest form of human love, it is natural for a Christian to use this term to describe God. After all, His love is far greater than any human love imaginable. God’s love for humanity is so great that “He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life” (John 3:16). Oh, the magnitude of the cost! We cannot even fathom His love even though our very breath depends upon it! His love indeed reaches to the heights and depths. Nevertheless, is God’s love truly unconditional?

God’s love is available to human beings by grace alone. There is nothing anyone can do to earn that love. There is no good work that is either demanded or even possible. Does that make God’s love unconditional? Because unconditional love is absolute and without any conditions whatsoever, all men would be saved if God’s love were unconditional. But that would be universalism. That would nullify the need for Christ’s sacrificial death and God’s condition of salvation by grace through faith.

We must also ask, does God’s love apply to the person who has sinned against the Holy Spirit by refusing to receive His grace throughout his lifetime and who is destined for hell? God chooses upon whom He will place His love and the benefits of his love. Did Jesus ever imply that God’s love is unconditional? He said to His disciples:

He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him (John 14:21).

One might argue, however, that the story of the prodigal son proves unconditional love. It indeed illustrates the vastness of God’s love, forgiveness and longsuffering. However, the son repented. If he had had a prosperous evil life he may never have repented. And while the father would have waited and hoped, he would not have extended his love. After all, he did not go out searching for him to support his folly. Up to a point this seems to indicate unconditional love, and yet, God is not waiting in ignorance, not knowing what those for whom His son died might be doing. He knows, and there comes a time when those who have refused his offer of love and forgiveness die and face the judgment. It is difficult enough to understand God’s love without adding the term unconditional which is loaded with secular, humanistic, psychological connotations. The story of the prodigal son teaches grace, forgiveness and mercy—but unconditional love? No!

While God loves with a greater love than humans can comprehend, His holiness and justice also must be taken into consideration. Therefore the term unconditional love is inadequate for defining God. It does not account for God’s reaction to pompous men who devise plans against Him and His anointed. The psalmist goes so far as to say:

He that sitteth in the heavens shall laugh: the Lord shall have them in derision. Then shall he speak to them in his wrath, and vex them in his sore displeasure (Psalm 2:4-5).

And what about Lot’s wife as she turned to look at the smoldering cities? Or what about Jesus’ words to the cities that refused to repent?

Woe unto thee, Chorazin! woe unto thee, Bethsaida! for if the mighty works, which were done in you, had been done in Tyre and Sidon, they would have repented long ago in sackcloth and ashes. But I say unto you, It shall be more tolerable for Tyre and Sidon at the day of judgment, than for you. And thou, Capernaum, which art exalted unto heaven, shalt be brought down to hell . . . . it shall be more tolerable for the land of Sodom in the day of judgment, than for thee (Matthew 11:21-24).

Does that sound like unconditional love?

But perhaps one could say that God’s love for the Christian is unconditional since the Christian partakes of His love and grace through faith. Wouldn’t it be better to say that the conditions have been met? Jesus met the first condition, to wash away the sin that God hates. The believer meets the second condition by grace through faith. Or, perhaps it would be better to say that God’s love extended to a person is conditioned by His plan to give eternal life to those who believe on His Son. The conditions of God’s love are resident within Himself.

There is a strong temptation to use vocabulary that is popular in society in order to make Christianity sound relevant. Christians have something far better than what the world offers, but in expressing that good news they confuse people by using words that are already loaded with humanistic connotations and systems of thought. It would be better not to use the expression unconditional love when describing God’s love. There are plenty of other good words.

In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him.

Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. . . .
And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him (1 John 4:9, 10, 16).

The incomprehensible magnitude of God’s love surpasses any concept of love devised by humanistic psychologists. The doctrine of unconditional love is a myth that glorifies man rather than God.

1. Webster’s New Universal Unabridged Dictionary, Second Edition, 1983.
2. Jay Haley. Strategies of Psychotherapy. New York: Grune & Stratton, Inc., 1963, pp. 71, 82.
3. Paul Brownback. The Danger of Self-Love. Chicago: Moody Press, 1982, p. 66.

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Hell’s Menu

What’s being Served Up in the Domain of the Damned?

What’s going on below us, in the bowels of the earth?

The Bible’s Vivid Description of the Domain of the Damned

Violent flames rage like endless waves that roar in a fierce ocean tossed to and fro by hurricane winds. Deafening voices shriek, hopelessly tormented in the turbulent fire that dominates their defenseless souls. One million years have passed and yet there is not a trace of relief from the horrifying torment that has enveloped their helpless souls. Vivid memories of their earthly life, when they had precious opportunity to escape this horrible fate, torment their bitter and remorseful beings. Welcome to the world of departed souls who died after refusing to apply the only cure to their deadly curse of sin. Behind the thin veil of life on earth lies a real world – a forever world. Welcome to a profile of the after life.

Details about hell revealed in God’s Word, the Bible:

A place of complete consciousness (all feelings)…..Lk. 16:25
Torment with fire and brimstone…………………………Rev. 14:10
Weeping and gnashing of teeth……………………….…..Matt. 8:12
A place of eternal remorse (devastating regret)…..Luke 16:25
A place of torments…………………………………………..…Luke 16:23
No rest day or night forever (eternal misery)……….Rev. 14:11
A furnace of fire with wailing…………………………..….Matt. 13:42
A place of everlasting burnings…………….…………..Isaiah 33:14
Hell will be cast into the lake (ocean) of fire ..…Rev. 20:11-15
Unquenchable fire (ferocious flames)………..…….……Mark 9:45
Outer darkness (blinding loneliness)………………….Matt. 22:13
No 2nd chance to escape (utter hopelessness)……Luke 16:26
A place of sorrows (seething remorse and despair)….Ps. 18:5
A place of everlasting destruction……………………..2 Thess. 1:9

The LORD Jesus told us that this place described above was “prepared for the devil and his angels.” (Matthew 25:41) Ignoring this truth is not going to make this place go away. Dealing with this honestly is in your eternal best interest. If you are not born again, here is why you are going to spend eternity in the place described above. According to God’s Word, you have sinned against Him and He is “Holy, holy, holy.” (Isaiah 6:3; Revelation 4:8) Here’s a few of the ways you have sinned against your Creator:

CURSING, LYING, ADULTERY, LUST, HATRED, DRUNKENNESS, SLANDER, STRIFE, IDOLATRY, DISHONORING YOUR PARENTS, MURDEROUS THOUGHTS TOWARDS OTHERS, STEALING, FORNICATION, UNFORGIVENESS, TAKING GOD’S NAME IN VAIN

GOD misses nothing, no-thing. He sees it all (Psalm 33:13-14; Proverbs 15:3). He’s keeping perfect records on all people, their thoughts, intentions, motives, acts, and deeds. It’s all on record, from every angle. The record, the tapes are going to be played in your Supreme Court of the Universe trial. It’s ALL on record. No one escapes. No one is getting away with anything. It may appear that way for now but be sure that no deed, thought, motive, or action is unseen, unknown by the Almighty whose earth we all now dwell in (Psalms 24:1). God sees all sin.

“be sure your sin will find you out.” Numbers 32:23

Judgment Before the Great White Throne

The books your Maker is keeping, the record, will be opened in the Supreme Court of the Universe for each and every person.

NO surfing in this lake …

“And I saw a great white throne, and him that sat on it, from whose face the earth and the heaven fled away; and there was found no place for them. 12 And I saw the dead, small and great, stand before God; and the books were opened: and another book was opened, which is the book of life: and the dead were judged out of those things which were written in the books, according to their works. 13 And the sea gave up the dead which were in it; and death and hell delivered up the dead which were in them: and they were judged every man according to their works. 14 And death and hell were cast into the lake of fire. This is the second death. 15 And whosoever was not found written in the book of life was cast into the lake of fire.” Revelation 20:11-15

NEVER EVER DEFINE HELL AS ANYTHING EXCEPT EXACTLY HOW GOD DEFINES IT IN HIS WORD. PERIOD! THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS “HELL ON EARTH” OR ANY SUCH FABLE. CEASE TAKING THE NAME OF THE LORD IN VAIN BY CEASING TO WALK AFTER, AGREE WITH, OR SPEAK ANYTHING ABOUT ANYTHING (INCLUDING HELL) EXCEPT IT BE IN GOD’S WORDS – IN HIS HOLY, WRITTEN WORD. “WHAT SAITH THE SCRIPTURES?” – “SHUN PROFANE AND VAIN BABBLINGS … STUDY TO SHEW THYSELF APPROVED UNTO GOD A WORKMAN THAT NEEDETH NOT TO BE ASHAMED, RIGHTLY DIVIDING THE WORD OF TRUTH.” (2 TIMOTHY 2:15-16) ALSO, ANY SUPPOSED “CHRISTIAN” LEADER WHO REFUSES TO PREACH ON HELL REGULARLY, IS A WOLF! PERIOD.

“Come unto me” says Jesus (Matthew 11:28-30) .

If you wish to miss eternity in this horrid place called hell, which will later be cast into the lake of fire, it’s time to make peace with your Maker and Judge. Find out more here at Making Peace with God.

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The FORGOTTEN Sins of Sodom [podcast]

What were the Real and Root Sins of Sodom?

Explosive!
DO YOU KNOW WHAT SINS THE BIBLE CITES OF THE PEOPLE OF SODOM WHICH CAUSED DIVINE JUDGMENT TO FALL ON THEM? THIS LIST OF SINS MIGHT SHOCK YOU.

EXPOSING THE GATEWAY SINS TO SODOM’S DESTRUCTION

Sodom’s sins were pride, gluttony, and laziness, while the poor and needy suffered outside her door.

According to Romans 1 it seems that sexual deviance, namely homosexuality, is the sin, the final manifestation of evil before destruction transpires. The LORD destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah for this sin and others and will or is destroying America for rejecting Him (Matthew 10:26-28). WHAT were the specific sins of Sodom and Gomorrah that preceded the ultimate “abomination” of homosexuality? (Leviticus 18:22) Does the Bible reveal these sins? Yes!

Homosexuality always has been and always will be an “abomination” in the eyes of our Holy God (Leviticus 18:22). Repent now and follow Jesus.

DID GOD LIST SODOM’S SINS? WHAT WERE THEY?
THIS SHOCKING LIST OF SINS AND MESSAGE WILL KEEP YOU OUT OF HELL!

Little known sins that led up to the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah. Check this out.

“The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun.” Ecclesiastes 1:9

Sodomy/homosexuality is usually the only sin attributed to the sins of Sodom and yet the Bible lists several sins that came before the ultimate turning over to homosexuality and further judgment (hell). See also Romans 1 and Ezekiel 16:49-51.

Jesus used this very example of Sodom to warn all under New Testament:

“Likewise also as it was in the days of Lot; they did eat, they drank, they bought, they sold, they planted, they builded; 29 But the same day that Lot went out of Sodom it rained fire and brimstone from heaven, and destroyed them all. 30 Even thus shall it be in the day when the Son of man is revealed. 31 In that day, he which shall be upon the housetop, and his stuff in the house, let him not come down to take it away: and he that is in the field, let him likewise not return back. 32 Remember Lot’s wife. 33 Whosoever shall seek to save his life shall lose it; and whosoever shall lose his life shall preserve it.” Luke 17:28-33

Impending Judgment for Sin

In Ezekiel 16 we read of the judgment coming on the LORD’s people for their sins.

The very sins committed by the people of Sodom before God destroyed that city, were being committed by the LORD’s professing people in Ezekiel’s day, and are today being committed by those claiming to know the LORD in our day.

“Behold, this was the iniquity of thy sister Sodom, pride, fulness of bread, and abundance of idleness was in her and in her daughters, neither did she strengthen the hand of the poor and needy. 50 And they were haughty, and committed abomination before me: therefore I took them away as I saw good. 51 Neither hath Samaria committed half of thy sins; but thou hast multiplied thine abominations more than they, and hast justified thy sisters in all thine abominations which thou hast done.” Ezekiel 16:49-51

This list of sins in the above passage begins with these 3:

PFA = Pride, Fulness of Bread, and Abundance of idleness.

The Sins of Sodom:

Sins Jerusalem cited for in Ezekiel 16:49-51:

Pride (arrogance),
Fulness of Bread (gluttony, hoarding),
Abundance of Idleness (idle, lazy),
did not help those in need due to preoccupation with self-worship (not generous in spreading God’s wealth to His people and work)
haughty
committed abomination (fornication)

In the bulleted sins listed above from this revealing Ezekiel 16 passage, did you notice the progression?

Though it culminated in sodomy, yet not one sex sin is even specifically mentioned in this list of Sodom’s sins in Ezekiel 16. Does this not align perfectly with the judgment we see in Romans 1, how “when they knew God, they glorified him not as God” and were unthankful, further enriching themselves while they ignored others?

“Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful (they were ungrateful); but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened.” Romans 1:21

A fresh reading of Romans 1 reveals the root sins that preceded the sexual sins which immediately go before divine judgment. See Romans 1:18-32.

The sins that darken the hearts of those who once “knew God” and lead to the ultimate abomination of sodomy/homosexuality are pride, gluttony, idleness, and refusing to be generous givers to believers in need, etc.

Let’s Look Again at the Root, the Gateway Sins of the People of Sodom and Gomorrah:

PFA listed in Ezekiel 16:49-51:

Pride (arrogance),
Fulness of Bread (gluttony),
Abundance of Idleness (idle, lazy),
Like the fake religionists priest and Levite of Jesus’ Good Samaritan teaching, they did not help those in need due to preoccupation with self-worship (not generous in spreading God’s wealth to His people and work)

“And take heed to yourselves, lest at any time your hearts be overcharged (weighed down) with surfeiting (gluttony), and drunkenness, and cares of this life, and so that day come upon you unawares. 35 For as a snare (trap) shall it come on all them that dwell on the face of the whole earth. 36 Watch ye therefore, and pray always, that ye may be accounted worthy to escape all these things that shall come to pass, and to stand before the Son of man.” Luke 21:34-36

“There is that maketh himself rich, yet hath nothing: there is that maketh himself poor, yet hath great riches.” Proverbs 13:7

Spiritual “Leanness”

“And he gave them their request; but sent leanness into their soul.” Psalms 106:15

“And this is exactly why there is a famine in the land. A famine ‘of hearing the words of the Lord’. Amos 8:11-13. This is the consequence of neglecting the Word of God. This famine is sent by God. To serve judgment because they have disregarded His Word and so their longings remain unsatisfied. It is a spiritual starvation, an emptiness. This is caused by disobedience and complacency. They shall ‘faint for thirst’. This implies an intense suffering. God has withdrawn His Word. As we see in these last days. People literally have contempt for God’s word. When you give them the pure unadulterated words of the Lord it angers them. So God will allow them to suffer an intense hunger because of their refusal of His words. This is why they are so prone to believe false prophets. Because they are weak and not ‘nourished up in the words of faith and good doctrine, whereunto thou has attained’ 1 Timothy 4:6” Karen Cochran

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Yes some abandon the sound doctrine which is the Holy Scriptures (2 Timothy 3:15-17). Let such cease.

“That ye all speak the same thing” right?

“Now I beseech you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye all speak the same thing, and that there be no divisions among you; but that ye be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment.” 1 Corinthians 1:10

Satan is introducing doubting, casting doubt upon what God has said, His Word, when he said to the woman in the temptation, “Hath God said?” See Genesis 3:1. And Satan in this exchange, changed, altered what God said, God’s Word. See Genesis 2:17 and 3:4. Game changer! The enemy has not changed and we are not be ignorant of his devices, right? (2 Corinthians 2:11).

“Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.” Colossians 3:16

We stand with both feet and every ounce of our weight on God’s Word with utter impunity to Satan and his kingdom of evil.

“God forbid: yea, let God be true, but every man a liar; as it is written, That thou mightest be justified in thy sayings, and mightest overcome when thou art judged.” Romans 3:4

The final blow of death is coming to him, soon.

“And the God of peace shall bruise Satan under your feet shortly. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you. Amen.” Romans 16:20

“But speak thou the things which become sound doctrine:” Titus 2:1

“If any man speak, let him speak as the oracles of God; if any man minister, let him do it as of the ability which God giveth: that God in all things may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom be praise and dominion for ever and ever. Amen.” 1 Peter 4:11

The Importance of Personal, Organic Bible Study [podcast]

To study the Bible organically means simply to study God’s Word without the undue influence, the taintings of mere men! God’s Word is your life (Proverbs 4:20-23). The Word is your “daily bread,” and your life depends on knowing and obeying it (Matthew 6:11). Knowing and adhering to Holy Scripture is your protection (Proverbs 30:5-6). “Every word of God is pure: he is a shield (protection) unto them that put their trust in him. 6 Add thou not unto his words, lest he reprove thee, and thou be found a liar.” Proverbs 30:5-6 RECENTLY: In a very engaging fellowship discussion […]

Teach the Bible [podcast]

JESUS IS COMING AND THE TRUE BODY OF CHRIST IS “HOLDING FORTH (BOLDLY DECLARING) THE WORD OF LIFE” “Holding forth the word of life; that I may rejoice in the day of Christ, that I have not run in vain, neither laboured in vain.” Philippians 2:16 WHEN you speak God’s Word, you are speaking divine authority. “These things speak, and exhort, and rebuke with all authority. Let no man despise thee.” Titus 2:15 “And Jesus came and spake unto them, saying, All power is given unto me in heaven and in earth. 19 Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, […]