Unconditional Love and Acceptance?

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Martin Bobgan, PhD.

Among the stellar emotional needs of humanistic psychology are unconditional acceptance, unconditional self-regard, unconditional self-acceptance, and unconditional love. The meaning of the word unconditional is “without conditions or reservations; absolute.”1 The practical extension of the theories of unconditional love is a permissive attitude and a morally nonrestrictive atmosphere. That means no conditions or restrictions in child rearing, counseling, and other human relationships. Since the parent or counselor is to be giving unconditional love, it must be an absolute love, unrestricted by human feelings or failings, since the very meaning of the word is “absolute.” But, if there is any absolute when it comes to love, it is that human love is limited. It is not what it was originally created to be, even in the best of people and circumstances, except when Jesus Himself is loving in and through a person.

Adler and Maslow considered these “unconditionals” to be basic human needs, essential to a person’s sense of wellbeing. They taught that people need to be loved and accepted unconditionally—without any conditions of performance. Thus their followers teach that parents must love and accept their children unconditionally. Moreover, they encourage all people to love and accept themselves unconditionally.

Adler, Maslow, Rogers and others believed that a human being will find answers to his own dilemmas and naturally blossom into his best self in an atmosphere of unconditional love and acceptance, by which they meant a permissive, unstructured atmosphere. Nevertheless, as much as they would like to think that they themselves loved their clients unconditionally, the truth of the matter is this: people are not able to love unconditionally.

The Myth of Unconditional Love

Unconditional love is a myth. That is because the human is naturally self-biased and the human heart is so deceitful that one can fool himself into thinking that he is loving unconditionally, when in fact he has all kinds of conditions. For instance, what kind of unconditional love and unconditional positive regard is at work when the client can no longer pay for services and therapy is discontinued? Furthermore, even the most nondirective counselors express approval or disapproval in subtle, if not direct, ways.2

The idea of people improving their life in an atmosphere of unconditional love is founded on the premise that people are born good and that their natural inclination to goodness is thwarted by their environment (mainly parents). In such a system, self is the victim of society but finds salvation, freedom, and fulfillment through unconditional self-love and self-acceptance. Unconditional love cannot be based upon performance or it wouldn’t be unconditional. Therefore, it must be based on the intrinsic worth of the person. Paul Brownback, in his book The Danger of Self-Love, explains it this way:

. . . by unconditional love we are speaking of love on the basis of being rather than doing. One implication of this teaching is the place of grandeur that it gives to the human being. I am lovable just because I am human; therefore being human, in and of itself, regardless of what I do with my humanness, must have some sort of independent value or worth. It is by itself a sufficient claim to respect and esteem.3

Thus, according to these self theories, everyone is born with the right to receive unconditional love and unconditional acceptance throughout his entire life, no matter what!

Pastors assigned to shepherd God’s flocks, should have been alert to the subtleties of deception that would turn a believer’s eyes from God to self. But alas, rather than warning the sheep, many of the shepherds have joined the psychologists and embrace their teachings of unconditional love and unconditional acceptance.

A Misunderstanding of God’s Love

The basis for their eager embrace is a misunderstanding of the love of God which passes knowledge. They equate unconditional love and acceptance with the fact that God’s love is vast, unfathomable, and unmerited. Then they follow that with the idea that if God loves and accepts people unconditionally, they should also love and accept themselves unconditionally. While this may sound like a logical progression, there are some serious problems with the basic assumptions. Therefore, we must address the question: Is God’s love unconditional? Are there any conditions that must be met to become a recipient of His love?

Paul prayed that the believers in Ephesus would be able to comprehend the breadth, length, depth and height of God’s love. He desired that they know the love of Christ, which surpasses knowledge, so that they would be filled with the fullness of God (Ephesians 3:16-19). The wide expanse of God’s love has been the theme of the gospel throughout the ages, for to know His love is to know Him. Therefore, any consideration of His love is highly important and must be based upon His revelation of Himself rather than upon the imagination of men.

Love According to Secular Humanism

Ever since the rise of secular humanism in this country and especially since the establishment of humanistic psychology, the popular, “relevant” term to describe God’s love has been unconditional. The thrust of this word in humanistic psychology has been both to give and to expect unconditional love from one another with no strings attached. While unconditional love and acceptance supposedly promote change and growth, they make no requirements. But God, who is love, requires and produces radical change—new life—and He enables His children to grow in righteousness.

In humanistic psychology, parents and society are always the culprits. Since they believe that every person is born with intrinsic worth and innate goodness, psychologists contend that one main reason people experience emotional and behavioral problems is because they have not received unconditional love from their parents. Following that thesis, Christians have come to believe that the best kind of love is unconditional love. It is the highest love secular humanists know. It is touted as a love that makes no demands for performance, good behavior, or the like. It has also been associated with a kind of permissiveness, since it makes no demands and has no conditions, even though the promoters of the unconditional love jargon would say that unconditional love does not have to dispense with discipline.

God’s Love Revealed through Scripture

Because the concept of unconditional love permeates society and because it is often thought of as the highest form of human love, it is natural for a Christian to use this term to describe God. After all, His love is far greater than any human love imaginable. God’s love for humanity is so great that “He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life” (John 3:16). Oh, the magnitude of the cost! We cannot even fathom His love even though our very breath depends upon it! His love indeed reaches to the heights and depths. Nevertheless, is God’s love truly unconditional?

God’s love is available to human beings by grace alone. There is nothing anyone can do to earn that love. There is no good work that is either demanded or even possible. Does that make God’s love unconditional? Because unconditional love is absolute and without any conditions whatsoever, all men would be saved if God’s love were unconditional. But that would be universalism. That would nullify the need for Christ’s sacrificial death and God’s condition of salvation by grace through faith.

We must also ask, does God’s love apply to the person who has sinned against the Holy Spirit by refusing to receive His grace throughout his lifetime and who is destined for hell? God chooses upon whom He will place His love and the benefits of his love. Did Jesus ever imply that God’s love is unconditional? He said to His disciples:

He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him (John 14:21).

One might argue, however, that the story of the prodigal son proves unconditional love. It indeed illustrates the vastness of God’s love, forgiveness and longsuffering. However, the son repented. If he had had a prosperous evil life he may never have repented. And while the father would have waited and hoped, he would not have extended his love. After all, he did not go out searching for him to support his folly. Up to a point this seems to indicate unconditional love, and yet, God is not waiting in ignorance, not knowing what those for whom His son died might be doing. He knows, and there comes a time when those who have refused his offer of love and forgiveness die and face the judgment. It is difficult enough to understand God’s love without adding the term unconditional which is loaded with secular, humanistic, psychological connotations. The story of the prodigal son teaches grace, forgiveness and mercy—but unconditional love? No!

While God loves with a greater love than humans can comprehend, His holiness and justice also must be taken into consideration. Therefore the term unconditional love is inadequate for defining God. It does not account for God’s reaction to pompous men who devise plans against Him and His anointed. The psalmist goes so far as to say:

He that sitteth in the heavens shall laugh: the Lord shall have them in derision. Then shall he speak to them in his wrath, and vex them in his sore displeasure (Psalm 2:4-5).

And what about Lot’s wife as she turned to look at the smoldering cities? Or what about Jesus’ words to the cities that refused to repent?

Woe unto thee, Chorazin! woe unto thee, Bethsaida! for if the mighty works, which were done in you, had been done in Tyre and Sidon, they would have repented long ago in sackcloth and ashes. But I say unto you, It shall be more tolerable for Tyre and Sidon at the day of judgment, than for you. And thou, Capernaum, which art exalted unto heaven, shalt be brought down to hell . . . . it shall be more tolerable for the land of Sodom in the day of judgment, than for thee (Matthew 11:21-24).

Does that sound like unconditional love?

But perhaps one could say that God’s love for the Christian is unconditional since the Christian partakes of His love and grace through faith. Wouldn’t it be better to say that the conditions have been met? Jesus met the first condition, to wash away the sin that God hates. The believer meets the second condition by grace through faith. Or, perhaps it would be better to say that God’s love extended to a person is conditioned by His plan to give eternal life to those who believe on His Son. The conditions of God’s love are resident within Himself.

There is a strong temptation to use vocabulary that is popular in society in order to make Christianity sound relevant. Christians have something far better than what the world offers, but in expressing that good news they confuse people by using words that are already loaded with humanistic connotations and systems of thought. It would be better not to use the expression unconditional love when describing God’s love. There are plenty of other good words.

In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him.

Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. . . .
And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him (1 John 4:9, 10, 16).

The incomprehensible magnitude of God’s love surpasses any concept of love devised by humanistic psychologists. The doctrine of unconditional love is a myth that glorifies man rather than God.

1. Webster’s New Universal Unabridged Dictionary, Second Edition, 1983.
2. Jay Haley. Strategies of Psychotherapy. New York: Grune & Stratton, Inc., 1963, pp. 71, 82.
3. Paul Brownback. The Danger of Self-Love. Chicago: Moody Press, 1982, p. 66.

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Exhort One Another Daily [podcast]

“But exhort one another daily, while it is called To day; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin.” Hebrews 3:13

“Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience, and our bodies washed with pure water. ²³Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering; (for he is faithful that promised;) ²⁴And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: ²⁵Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.” Hebrews 10:22-25

Saints, let’s always remember that other disciples have the SAME exact iniquitous flesh to deal with daily as we do (Genesis 6:5, 12; Jeremiah 17:9; Romans 3, etc.). They are just like us – absolutely wicked and depraved without the present working of the saving grace of our God at work in us! (Romans 7) Each of Christ’s followers are like us, working out their own salvation with fear and trembling as the LORD works in them both to will and to do of His good pleasure (Philippians 2:12-13).

“We then that are strong ought to bear the infirmities of the weak, and not to please ourselves.” Romans 15:1

“Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. 2 Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:1-2

Let’s lift up our LORD’s disciples instead of wrongly judging them in our attitudes, etc. Seeing and treating them with God’s love is important ( 1 Peter 4:7-8; 1 John 4:7-8, 16-18; 5:1, etc.).

“And oppress not the widow, nor the fatherless, the stranger, nor the poor; and let none of you imagine evil against his brother in your heart.” Zechariah 7:10

“Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another.” Romans 14:19

“Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11

DOES the Bible tell us to “Go make disciples” OR to “Teach others God’s Word”? Interesting. Does the Bible Ever Say “Go Make Disciples”?

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A cursory introduction to Jeremiah 5-7. God’s people were in rebellion to Him and reaping what they’d been sowing (Galatians 6:7-8). Read, pour prayerfully over these chapters this week beloved. This message is designed to launch the God fearing saint to pour over this passage as they examine their hearts, their lives before Him honestly.

“Your iniquities have turned away these things, and your sins have withholden good things from you. 26 For among my people are found wicked men: they lay wait, as he that setteth snares; they set a trap, they catch men. 27 As a cage is full of birds, so are their houses full of deceit: therefore they are become great, and waxen rich. 28 They are waxen fat, they shine: yea, they overpass the deeds of the wicked: they judge not the cause, the cause of the fatherless, yet they prosper; and the right of the needy do they not judge. 29 Shall I not visit for these things? saith the LORD: shall not my soul be avenged on such a nation as this? 30 A wonderful and horrible thing is committed in the land; 31 The prophets prophesy falsely, and the priests bear rule by their means; and my people love to have it so: and what will ye do in the end thereof?” Jeremiah 5:25-31

Judgment on America for the Rebellion of those who Falsely Claim to be Saved

“And when he had opened the fifth seal, I saw under the altar the souls of them that were slain for the word of God, and for the testimony which they held: 10 And they cried with a loud voice, saying, How long, O Lord, holy and true, dost thou not judge and avenge our blood on them that dwell on the earth?” Revelation 6:9-10

The LORD blesses those who are with Him. Anyone who forsakes Him will be forsaken by Him.

“The LORD is with you, while ye be with him; and IF ye seek him, he will be found of you; but IF ye forsake him, he will forsake you.” 2 Chronicles 15:2

The word “if” in God’s Word denotes a choice that will be made.

The LORD is not with you if you are not with Him – doing life on HIS stated terms. That’s exactly why He gave you His recorded Word in tangible form. Read John 14-16.

Notice “IF ye seek him” and not if you go to church or just claim to be His. Are you seeking His holy face “continually”?

“Seek the LORD and his strength, seek his face continually.” 1 Chronicles 16:11

“Therefore also now, saith the LORD, turn ye even to me with all your heart, and with fasting, and with weeping, and with mourning: 13 And rend your heart, and not your garments, and turn unto the LORD your God: for he is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness, and repenteth him of the evil.” Joel 2:12-13

“O Israel, return unto the LORD thy God; for thou hast fallen by thine iniquity. 2 Take with you words, and turn to the LORD: say unto him, Take away all iniquity, and receive us graciously: so will we render the calves of our lips.” Hosea 14:1-2

Notice here in the verse below how setting, allowing wicked things into our eye gates leads to turning aside, departing from Christ, backsliding. Notice how the psalmist views backsliding as a plague. And it sure is. Millions irrevocably occupy the bowels of eternal damnation right this moment and forever who made one bad decision which led to their backsliding. It’s time to read God as if our eternal souls depended on it – because they do. safeguardyoursoul.com

“I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave to me.” Psalms 101:3

PRAYER: Heavenly Father, please break me, make me to be poor in spirit and pure in heart. In Jesus’ name, amen.

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Tried. Trusted. Blessed. [podcast]

CAN God Trust You?

WHO is God going to bless? WHO is going to “abound with blessings”?

“A faithful man shall abound with blessings: but he that maketh haste to be rich shall not be innocent.” Proverbs 28:20

Beloved of God, let us always remember that God only rewards and promotes those who are faithful right where they are with whatever they have in their possession to use for His glory. This is the truth we see throughout Holy Scripture, including in Jesus’ parable of the talents in Matthew 25. May God bless each of us to serve Him by serving others—right where we are, right now, with whatever we have—taking no thought for tomorrow but rather trusting Him to provide all (Matthew 6:33-34).

Christ’s Parable of the Talents: What is our LORD Teaching us here?

Trustworthy Faithful ABRAHAM—Faithfulness

“Always remember that God is looking to see if we will be faithful in the small things before He puts us in charge of much.” Frank Telford

Read Hebrews 11 this weekend. See what the heroes of the faith endured and yet remained faithful to the LORD. God remains faithful, even when men do not remain faithful to Him. Yet He’s faithful to Himself — not to those who deny Him. “He cannot deny himself” and yet He will deny those who deny Him the place of reigning in their personal lives (Revelation 2:4-5).

“It is a faithful saying: For if we be dead with him, we shall also live with him: 1 If we suffer, we shall also reign with him: if we deny him, he also will deny us: 13 If we believe not, yet he abideth faithful: he cannot deny himself.” 2 Timothy 2:11-13

The lives of the patriarchs and apostles make it clear that none of us could possibly come to know and to trust the LORD deeply until we walk with Him, love, worship, serve, and obey Him by faith as He leads us through this life—through seasons of thick and thin, little and much. Faith is forged in fiery trials and not in fairy tales of false faith by those who recline on fancy furniture instead of fighting ferocious foes. Jesus Christ is KING—and we can’t know Him closely until we begin to suffer with Him.

“The goodness of God! Wow! Love it! I have never seen Gods goodness more than I have in the last few months! It makes me cry whenever I realize all He has done for me. I have been blessed beyond measure. I am so blown away that God has met me in the deep valleys.” Karen Cochran

“Who are kept by the power of God through faith unto salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. 6 Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations: 7 That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ: 8 Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory: 9 Receiving the end of your faith, even the salvation of your souls.” 1 Peter 1:5-9

Might you choose to pray as did the apostles? – “Increase our faith” (Luke 17:5).

Not only should we ask God to “Increase our faith” but also to teach us to be faithful to Him. God will bless those who are faithful to Him—those who are loyal and serve Him obediently through thick or thin, in riches or poverty, through sunshine or rain.

WHERE are God’s eyes and blessings focused?

“Mine eyes shall be upon the faithful of the land, that they may dwell with me: he that walketh in a perfect way, he shall serve me.” Psalms 101:6

Does this verse above remind us of the words of 2 Chronicles 16:9?

WHO wants God’s gaze, gifts, and blessings upon them?

I do!

“For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to shew himself strong in the behalf of them whose heart is perfect toward him.” 2 Chronicles 16:9

Are you presently blessable beloved of God?

The LORD could trust Abraham. Can He trust us? Can the LORD trust me? Am I faithful to Him?

Even before God tested Abraham to see if he would offer his only and promised son, the LORD says this of Abraham:

“For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the LORD, to do justice and judgment; that the LORD may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him.” Genesis 18:19

Of the heroes of the faith who’ve gone before us, God’s testimony of them is that they “confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth.” Remember beloved of God, like them, we are passing THROUGH this life on earth. We are not here to stay.

“These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off, and were persuaded of them, and embraced them, and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth. 14 For they that say such things declare plainly that they seek a country. 15 And truly, if they had been mindful of that country from whence they came out, they might have had opportunity to have returned. 16 But now they desire a better country (heavenly New Jerusalem), that is, an heavenly: wherefore God is not ashamed to be called their God: for he hath prepared for them a city.” Hebrews 11:13-16

Abraham’s willingness to offer his beloved son Isaac as a sacrifice to God is a type, a foreshadowing of the Father offering up Christ to be crucified, buried, and raised again to pay the ultimate redemption price for the sins of mankind (Genesis 22).

“By faith Abraham, when he was tried (tested), offered up Isaac: and he that had received the promises offered up his only begotten son,” Hebrews 11:17

Investing in Christ’s eternal kingdom while on earth. This is what Jesus instructed us to do.

“Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: 20 But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: 21 For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” Matthew 6:19-21

“God commands obedience first and foremost! Abraham obeyed the Lord God’s call on his life when he was told to go and leave the country he was in and leave all behind for a destination unknown. He had to completely follow and depend on the Lord. A test of his faith. We know he did obey the word of the Lord, packed up his family and left all behind for a land unknown to him. Genesis 12.” Karen Cochran

The LORD is always faithful. He has never failed one of His children, ever. Dare we stop here to reminisce how He found and saved us?

Liza Young writes: “At first, life seems to be at a dead end, then we make our way to the SAVIOR, realizing we dare not go forward without the assurance of HIS presence. As we completely trust in HIM, HE helps us face the future by walking with us each step of the way. GOD ‘S wonderful promise in Isaiah 41:10.”

Heavenly Father, please grant Your people to have clean, clear, pure hearts and consciences. Right this moment, I re-turn to You now, afresh dear LORD—bringing words of repentance and confession of all and any sin. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Fresh Start with God

“But whoso looketh into the perfect law of liberty, and continueth therein, he being not a forgetful hearer, but a doer of the work, this man shall be blessed in his deed.” James 1:25

Get saved.

Continue. Abide. Or perish (John 15:1-6).

“And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD. Joshua 24:15

Are We Blessable?

Or, are we…..

out of Bible order

and

out of Bible blessings?

God will bless no man who doesn’t love Him enough to obey Him.

God doesn’t need us.

We need God.

God’s Testimony of Abraham

WE CAN TRUST GOD BUT CAN GOD TRUST US? The LORD could trust Abraham, our example of faith (Romans 4). Can He trust you? Are you trustworthy? What do you do when no man is looking? God sees all, right?

“And the LORD said, Shall I hide from Abraham that thing which I do; 18 Seeing that Abraham shall surely become a great and mighty nation, and all the nations of the earth shall be blessed in him? 19 For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the LORD, to do justice and judgment; that the LORD may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him.” Genesis 18:17-19

What did God know about Abraham? Shall we review?

There are conditions to receiving God’s blessings. One must meet those conditions to walk in God’s blessings. The LORD reveals to us here that He is going to bring His full blessings on Abraham because He could trust Abraham to trust Him and obey Him. Note that God could trust Abraham because Abraham was obedient to Him and also notice that the promises the LORD made to Abraham were contingent upon Abraham continuing to obey the God. They were conditional.

“And we desire that every one of you do shew the same diligence to the full assurance of hope unto the end: 12 That ye be not slothful, but followers of them who through faith and patience inherit the promises.” Hebrews 6:11-12

“He becometh poor that dealeth with a slack hand: but the hand of the diligent maketh rich“ (Proverbs 10:4). If you will be rich you must diligently seek the LORD…

“But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.” Hebrews 11:6

Who is Going to be Blessed?

“A FAITHFUL MAN shall abound with blessings: but he that maketh haste to be rich shall not be innocent.” Proverbs 28:20

PRAYER: Heavenly Father, please unite my heart to fear Thy name, to number my short days upon the earth, and to bless my life to be fruitful for Your eternal glory this day, in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

Faithfulness to God

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