Unconditional Love and Acceptance?

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Martin Bobgan, PhD.

Among the stellar emotional needs of humanistic psychology are unconditional acceptance, unconditional self-regard, unconditional self-acceptance, and unconditional love. The meaning of the word unconditional is “without conditions or reservations; absolute.”1 The practical extension of the theories of unconditional love is a permissive attitude and a morally nonrestrictive atmosphere. That means no conditions or restrictions in child rearing, counseling, and other human relationships. Since the parent or counselor is to be giving unconditional love, it must be an absolute love, unrestricted by human feelings or failings, since the very meaning of the word is “absolute.” But, if there is any absolute when it comes to love, it is that human love is limited. It is not what it was originally created to be, even in the best of people and circumstances, except when Jesus Himself is loving in and through a person.

Adler and Maslow considered these “unconditionals” to be basic human needs, essential to a person’s sense of wellbeing. They taught that people need to be loved and accepted unconditionally—without any conditions of performance. Thus their followers teach that parents must love and accept their children unconditionally. Moreover, they encourage all people to love and accept themselves unconditionally.

Adler, Maslow, Rogers and others believed that a human being will find answers to his own dilemmas and naturally blossom into his best self in an atmosphere of unconditional love and acceptance, by which they meant a permissive, unstructured atmosphere. Nevertheless, as much as they would like to think that they themselves loved their clients unconditionally, the truth of the matter is this: people are not able to love unconditionally.

The Myth of Unconditional Love

Unconditional love is a myth. That is because the human is naturally self-biased and the human heart is so deceitful that one can fool himself into thinking that he is loving unconditionally, when in fact he has all kinds of conditions. For instance, what kind of unconditional love and unconditional positive regard is at work when the client can no longer pay for services and therapy is discontinued? Furthermore, even the most nondirective counselors express approval or disapproval in subtle, if not direct, ways.2

The idea of people improving their life in an atmosphere of unconditional love is founded on the premise that people are born good and that their natural inclination to goodness is thwarted by their environment (mainly parents). In such a system, self is the victim of society but finds salvation, freedom, and fulfillment through unconditional self-love and self-acceptance. Unconditional love cannot be based upon performance or it wouldn’t be unconditional. Therefore, it must be based on the intrinsic worth of the person. Paul Brownback, in his book The Danger of Self-Love, explains it this way:

. . . by unconditional love we are speaking of love on the basis of being rather than doing. One implication of this teaching is the place of grandeur that it gives to the human being. I am lovable just because I am human; therefore being human, in and of itself, regardless of what I do with my humanness, must have some sort of independent value or worth. It is by itself a sufficient claim to respect and esteem.3

Thus, according to these self theories, everyone is born with the right to receive unconditional love and unconditional acceptance throughout his entire life, no matter what!

Pastors assigned to shepherd God’s flocks, should have been alert to the subtleties of deception that would turn a believer’s eyes from God to self. But alas, rather than warning the sheep, many of the shepherds have joined the psychologists and embrace their teachings of unconditional love and unconditional acceptance.

A Misunderstanding of God’s Love

The basis for their eager embrace is a misunderstanding of the love of God which passes knowledge. They equate unconditional love and acceptance with the fact that God’s love is vast, unfathomable, and unmerited. Then they follow that with the idea that if God loves and accepts people unconditionally, they should also love and accept themselves unconditionally. While this may sound like a logical progression, there are some serious problems with the basic assumptions. Therefore, we must address the question: Is God’s love unconditional? Are there any conditions that must be met to become a recipient of His love?

Paul prayed that the believers in Ephesus would be able to comprehend the breadth, length, depth and height of God’s love. He desired that they know the love of Christ, which surpasses knowledge, so that they would be filled with the fullness of God (Ephesians 3:16-19). The wide expanse of God’s love has been the theme of the gospel throughout the ages, for to know His love is to know Him. Therefore, any consideration of His love is highly important and must be based upon His revelation of Himself rather than upon the imagination of men.

Love According to Secular Humanism

Ever since the rise of secular humanism in this country and especially since the establishment of humanistic psychology, the popular, “relevant” term to describe God’s love has been unconditional. The thrust of this word in humanistic psychology has been both to give and to expect unconditional love from one another with no strings attached. While unconditional love and acceptance supposedly promote change and growth, they make no requirements. But God, who is love, requires and produces radical change—new life—and He enables His children to grow in righteousness.

In humanistic psychology, parents and society are always the culprits. Since they believe that every person is born with intrinsic worth and innate goodness, psychologists contend that one main reason people experience emotional and behavioral problems is because they have not received unconditional love from their parents. Following that thesis, Christians have come to believe that the best kind of love is unconditional love. It is the highest love secular humanists know. It is touted as a love that makes no demands for performance, good behavior, or the like. It has also been associated with a kind of permissiveness, since it makes no demands and has no conditions, even though the promoters of the unconditional love jargon would say that unconditional love does not have to dispense with discipline.

God’s Love Revealed through Scripture

Because the concept of unconditional love permeates society and because it is often thought of as the highest form of human love, it is natural for a Christian to use this term to describe God. After all, His love is far greater than any human love imaginable. God’s love for humanity is so great that “He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life” (John 3:16). Oh, the magnitude of the cost! We cannot even fathom His love even though our very breath depends upon it! His love indeed reaches to the heights and depths. Nevertheless, is God’s love truly unconditional?

God’s love is available to human beings by grace alone. There is nothing anyone can do to earn that love. There is no good work that is either demanded or even possible. Does that make God’s love unconditional? Because unconditional love is absolute and without any conditions whatsoever, all men would be saved if God’s love were unconditional. But that would be universalism. That would nullify the need for Christ’s sacrificial death and God’s condition of salvation by grace through faith.

We must also ask, does God’s love apply to the person who has sinned against the Holy Spirit by refusing to receive His grace throughout his lifetime and who is destined for hell? God chooses upon whom He will place His love and the benefits of his love. Did Jesus ever imply that God’s love is unconditional? He said to His disciples:

He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him (John 14:21).

One might argue, however, that the story of the prodigal son proves unconditional love. It indeed illustrates the vastness of God’s love, forgiveness and longsuffering. However, the son repented. If he had had a prosperous evil life he may never have repented. And while the father would have waited and hoped, he would not have extended his love. After all, he did not go out searching for him to support his folly. Up to a point this seems to indicate unconditional love, and yet, God is not waiting in ignorance, not knowing what those for whom His son died might be doing. He knows, and there comes a time when those who have refused his offer of love and forgiveness die and face the judgment. It is difficult enough to understand God’s love without adding the term unconditional which is loaded with secular, humanistic, psychological connotations. The story of the prodigal son teaches grace, forgiveness and mercy—but unconditional love? No!

While God loves with a greater love than humans can comprehend, His holiness and justice also must be taken into consideration. Therefore the term unconditional love is inadequate for defining God. It does not account for God’s reaction to pompous men who devise plans against Him and His anointed. The psalmist goes so far as to say:

He that sitteth in the heavens shall laugh: the Lord shall have them in derision. Then shall he speak to them in his wrath, and vex them in his sore displeasure (Psalm 2:4-5).

And what about Lot’s wife as she turned to look at the smoldering cities? Or what about Jesus’ words to the cities that refused to repent?

Woe unto thee, Chorazin! woe unto thee, Bethsaida! for if the mighty works, which were done in you, had been done in Tyre and Sidon, they would have repented long ago in sackcloth and ashes. But I say unto you, It shall be more tolerable for Tyre and Sidon at the day of judgment, than for you. And thou, Capernaum, which art exalted unto heaven, shalt be brought down to hell . . . . it shall be more tolerable for the land of Sodom in the day of judgment, than for thee (Matthew 11:21-24).

Does that sound like unconditional love?

But perhaps one could say that God’s love for the Christian is unconditional since the Christian partakes of His love and grace through faith. Wouldn’t it be better to say that the conditions have been met? Jesus met the first condition, to wash away the sin that God hates. The believer meets the second condition by grace through faith. Or, perhaps it would be better to say that God’s love extended to a person is conditioned by His plan to give eternal life to those who believe on His Son. The conditions of God’s love are resident within Himself.

There is a strong temptation to use vocabulary that is popular in society in order to make Christianity sound relevant. Christians have something far better than what the world offers, but in expressing that good news they confuse people by using words that are already loaded with humanistic connotations and systems of thought. It would be better not to use the expression unconditional love when describing God’s love. There are plenty of other good words.

In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him.

Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. . . .
And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him (1 John 4:9, 10, 16).

The incomprehensible magnitude of God’s love surpasses any concept of love devised by humanistic psychologists. The doctrine of unconditional love is a myth that glorifies man rather than God.

1. Webster’s New Universal Unabridged Dictionary, Second Edition, 1983.
2. Jay Haley. Strategies of Psychotherapy. New York: Grune & Stratton, Inc., 1963, pp. 71, 82.
3. Paul Brownback. The Danger of Self-Love. Chicago: Moody Press, 1982, p. 66.

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WHEN PARENTS GET OLD …

author unknown

WHEN PARENTS GET OLD …

“Let them grow old with the same love that they let you grow … let them speak and tell repeated stories with the same patience and interest that they heard yours as a child … let them overcome, like so many times when they let you win … let them enjoy their friends just as they let you … let them enjoy the talks with their grandchildren, because they see you in them … let them enjoy living among the objects that have accompanied them for a long time, because they suffer when they feel that you tear pieces of this life away … let them be wrong, like so many times you have been wrong and they didn’t embarrass you by correcting you …

LET THEM LIVE and try to make them happy the last stretch of the path they have left to go; give them your hand, just like they gave you their hand when you started your path!

(“Honor your mother and father and your days shall be long upon the earth”.) – God”

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. 2 Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) 3 That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.” Ephesians 6:1-3

Karen Cochran writes:

“A few years ago the Lord spoke to me and I heard honor your Father and Mother. I didn’t know that my Mom would be moving close to me in a few months and I would become her primary helper. It has been one of the biggest challenges of my life because she has dementia and isn’t always kind. I have had to come home many nights and sit at the feet of Jesus and ask forgiveness because I was not like Jesus to her. Then I go back everyday because the Lord commands us to Honor our Mother. He didn’t promise it would be easy. I have to be like Jesus and say Father forgive them for they know not what they do. Luke 23: 34 .As people who have dementia do not know what they are doing or saying.”

Sharing how God is working in her life concerning her relationship with her beloved mother, Karen Cochran writes:

“I had to die to being right. Pride! How could I love her (my mother) with the love of Jesus? How would she see Jesus in me? She would not see Him in me in all my pride and arrogance! By being full of pride, all I did was stir up strife. Proverbs 10:12 ‘Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins.’ Because she would retaliate and would be angry. I had to learn to keep my mouth shut. And it has completely changed our relationship. But first the Lord had to change me and cleanse me from my ‘know it all’ attitude and my pride. I went to the Lord and said ‘why is she (my mother) so mean to me’. The Lord straightened me out quick. It was me not her! I couldn’t control her! All I could do was allow God to root out what was sin in me.”

“Being broken to the core has been a continuous prayer for me. Otherwise my stone heart will hurt someone else that does not deserve to be hurt. Jesus had shown me my resentment against my parents. As I went to their grave, Jesus begin to say, ‘If they hadn’t taken you to Jesus at an early age, you wouldn’t be where you are now.’ I felt all the bitterness, anger, and hatred leave. How gracious is our Savior!” Thomas Cochran

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Gospel Action in Mexico Part 37

UPDATE – DELIVERED FOOD TODAY; – I purchased numerous food items for Clara and her boys today. Traversing difficult terrain to deliver the goods God supplied through your faithful giving left me with a sidewall puncture. A sidewall puncture cannot be patched and replacement was quoted at $274. Settled for a used tire. In this challenge came opportunity.

God used the punctured tire for me to meet a wayward man. Jose has spent time in the USA and has family there. His wife is presently in Colorado; he expressed strain on his family. Jose received God’s Word preached to him and the JESUS tract and said “You know what? My wife is also a Christian.” Wow. So, his beloved wife is praying for him to be saved and God answered her prayer in part by connecting me with him. This opportunity is because of your support for this ministry. Can we please pray for Jose and his family?

I am continuing to learn to assert Romans 8:28-29 into everything:

28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose. 29 For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate [to be] conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren.

Can anyone relate?

Mark is encouraging me in helping more people, one person/family at a time. Your prayers and giving are more than important, it is essential.

I found out Clara was in need again and was moved upon by the LORD to get her and her 3 sons some food. Her whole monthly money needed to sustain her, and her boys is about $350. The house she rents is $120 per month. I will leave it there.

It is amazing how much further our contributions go in Mexico, how much more it’s multiplied. A little bit of money and ministry here goes a long way to bless and expand Christ’s kingdom! …and to give hope to the hopeless.

We continue to pray for a few more saints to assert themselves into this opportunity. God is able, amen! All I can do is let these things be known. I am blessed by your support as I am encouraged by the fruitfulness of Mission Mexico both in the reach of the spiritual needs and the physical needs of God’s children. You are responding to Jesus’ instructions in Matthew 6:19-21

19 Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: 20 But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: 21 For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

Clara’s Cry Video was featured recently. Click here.

Please lift a prayer in Jesus’ name for the fruitfulness and supply of our LORD’s work here with Mission Mexico. God be praised. Multitudes being reached daily with Jesus Christ’s bless-ed Gospel – spoken to them and given in print in the JESUS tract in Spanish.

BELOVED ANTONIO came by again tonight to get something to eat. I warmly received and welcomed him. Had him sit down and rest with fresh water to drink while his delicious meal was cooking. When he left I broke down while hugging him and letting him know you are lifting him in prayer and that God loves him. I played the Spanish Bible audio of Scripture to him while I was cooking so the Word would be planted in his heart…. WHO wants to cry out with me to our LORD for this young man? WHO wants to seek God for a complete change in his precious life? Salvation and good employment/work, etc. Let it not be that he could ever say that “No man cared for my soul.” – “I looked on my right hand, and beheld, but there was no man that would know me: refuge failed me; no man cared for my soul” (Psalms 142:4). Jesus is coming saints. Let us pour out His love to the hurting. Jesus Christ died for this beloved young man! Mission Mexico is rolling! “WE are labourers TOGETHER with God” (1 Corinthians 3:9). This is what it’s all about dear saints. Jump in. God will bless.

“The LORD upholdeth all that fall, and raiseth up all those that be bowed down.” Psalms 145:14

Mission Mexico!

Beloved brother in Christ, Cesar, spent the last 14 days with his beloved mother before she passed. Mark and I went to visit Cesar the day after his mother passed. Mark and I agreed that Cesar was ministering to us. We went to comfort him and he ministered to us! Whew! You are invited to lift our beloved brother Cesar in prayer.

Oh and Cesar took about 50-60 JESUS tracts to distribute.

The plans are to be spending more time fellowshipping with Cesar again soon.

Months ago, I handed Cesar a JESUS tract and we begin to talk and he shared that he is a born again disciple of Jesus. Yesterday, with tears in his eyes, Cesar shared his testimony of Jesus’ salvation of his life 24 years ago. This is a beloved brother in our LORD Jesus for certain. Unpretentious.

As is so often the case, we gave this man a JESUS tract and spoke the Word to him. A few moments later here he is hungrily reading about His Maker and King, and Savior Jesus.

Saints we are supporting a missionary in the Philippines and am thanking the LORD for your prayers and supply to our LORD’s Gospel work …..

Anyone wish to pause and lift this man to our LORD in prayer? When ministered to, Victor asked questions. He is searching. God is able.

Thank you for praying for the beautiful people of this country. More Mission Mexico coverage here.

Remember brother Justin (from Australia) whom God miraculously saved here in Mexico? He is very grateful that you are lifting him in prayer. Praying for Christ’s saints is an essential (Colossians 4:12). Today Justin sent this:

“I was reading the book of John and the woman at the well last night, contemplating how some plant seeds to be harvested by others (John 4). Just being grateful to serve the Lord without needing to see results. Bless you. You certainty planted some seeds with me. I’ll check out Titus! Thank you brother. I am working out my salvation with fear and trembling, for sure, and I wouldn’t be doing it so much harder now without your support.” Justin B.

UPDATE ON BROTHER JUSTIN B.

Thank you for lifting in prayer our brother Justin B. (Australian) here in Mexico. He was saved just a few months ago here. Here’s the latest from our brother. Please pray the Word for him. John 15; Colossians 4:12.

“I am good, brother. I am back in the slipstream of the Word. Felt like I had to experience the desert of doubt to come out with more clarity. Though, ultimately, trust in God is not necessarily clear. Getting confident in God with that ‘cloud of unknowing.’

“Daily brother. It’s my clarion call/prayer now. Diminish me but increase my faith. Purify my heart, Lord, so I may glorify Your name. Thank you for showing me the way and keeping faith in me, brother.” Justin B.

Do we recall how Jesus told Peter: “And the Lord said, Simon, Simon, behold, Satan hath desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat: 32 But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not: and when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren” (Luke 22:31-32).

Here’s the post where the account of Jesus saving Justin is contained.

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This is beloved David (pictured above) who received extensive ministry of God’s love and Word. Please lift up David, Daniel, and Justin. Colossians 4:12.

Omar was invited to have you pray for him. He readily agreed and is glad to know you are lifting him to our LORD in prayer. Jesus told us He desires to save Omar (1 Timothy 2:4).

“My Dear Brother, I will continue to lift Clara and those precious children in prayer; for I know firsthand the hardship of raising 3 little ones alone in this selfish world. I am thankful to the LORD GOD ALMIGHTY for sending strangers into my life during my time of despair and brokenness. Thank you brother for being a good steward with the gifts that the people of God send into the Lord’s Ministry. May the Lord God bless and keep you all the days of your life.” Jacquie

Support Mission Mexico here. Takes seconds.

“For the Son of man is come to seek and to save that which was lost.” Luke 19:10

Mission Mexico – See more here.

Download. Read. Print out your supply of the JESUS tract – English and Spanish.

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“Seek the Lord and his strength, seek his face continually.” 1 Chronicles 16:11

Maturity in Christ is seen in those who unrelentingly seek His face! 1 Chronicles 16:11

YOU are either going to clearly prove you love God by perpetually flooding your heart and mind with the Word, prayer, and praises of our LORD Jesus Christ…. or you absolutely will fall away (Luke 8:13; 1 Timothy 4:1-2, etc.).

“One thing have I desired of the Lord, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to enquire in his temple.” Psalms 27:4

“When thou saidst, Seek ye my face; my heart said unto thee, Thy face, Lord, will I seek.” Psalms 27:8

“If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.” James 1:5

“Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not.” Jeremiah 33:3

Notice that those not seeking the LORD today, are forsaking Him.

“if thou seek him, he will be found of thee; but if thou forsake him, he will cast thee off for ever.” 1 Chronicles 28:9

“For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God.” Romans 8:14

YOUR PRAYER: Heavenly Father, please forgive my sins afresh. I have had other gods before You and so have committed the sin of idolatry and spiritual adultery. Please wash me afresh with Your blood dear LORD Jesus. Create in me a clean heart, an heart of flesh and remove the stony places. Please help me to sense Your leading and impressions. You are my Great Shepherd and I am Your sheep. Fill me with Your Holy Ghost dear LORD and please use me. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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