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Martin Bobgan, PhD.

Among the stellar emotional needs of humanistic psychology are unconditional acceptance, unconditional self-regard, unconditional self-acceptance, and unconditional love. The meaning of the word unconditional is “without conditions or reservations; absolute.”1 The practical extension of the theories of unconditional love is a permissive attitude and a morally nonrestrictive atmosphere. That means no conditions or restrictions in child rearing, counseling, and other human relationships. Since the parent or counselor is to be giving unconditional love, it must be an absolute love, unrestricted by human feelings or failings, since the very meaning of the word is “absolute.” But, if there is any absolute when it comes to love, it is that human love is limited. It is not what it was originally created to be, even in the best of people and circumstances, except when Jesus Himself is loving in and through a person.

Adler and Maslow considered these “unconditionals” to be basic human needs, essential to a person’s sense of wellbeing. They taught that people need to be loved and accepted unconditionally—without any conditions of performance. Thus their followers teach that parents must love and accept their children unconditionally. Moreover, they encourage all people to love and accept themselves unconditionally.

Adler, Maslow, Rogers and others believed that a human being will find answers to his own dilemmas and naturally blossom into his best self in an atmosphere of unconditional love and acceptance, by which they meant a permissive, unstructured atmosphere. Nevertheless, as much as they would like to think that they themselves loved their clients unconditionally, the truth of the matter is this: people are not able to love unconditionally.

The Myth of Unconditional Love

Unconditional love is a myth. That is because the human is naturally self-biased and the human heart is so deceitful that one can fool himself into thinking that he is loving unconditionally, when in fact he has all kinds of conditions. For instance, what kind of unconditional love and unconditional positive regard is at work when the client can no longer pay for services and therapy is discontinued? Furthermore, even the most nondirective counselors express approval or disapproval in subtle, if not direct, ways.2

The idea of people improving their life in an atmosphere of unconditional love is founded on the premise that people are born good and that their natural inclination to goodness is thwarted by their environment (mainly parents). In such a system, self is the victim of society but finds salvation, freedom, and fulfillment through unconditional self-love and self-acceptance. Unconditional love cannot be based upon performance or it wouldn’t be unconditional. Therefore, it must be based on the intrinsic worth of the person. Paul Brownback, in his book The Danger of Self-Love, explains it this way:

    . . . by unconditional love we are speaking of love on the basis of being rather than doing. One implication of this teaching is the place of grandeur that it gives to the human being. I am lovable just because I am human; therefore being human, in and of itself, regardless of what I do with my humanness, must have some sort of independent value or worth. It is by itself a sufficient claim to respect and esteem.3

Thus, according to these self theories, everyone is born with the right to receive unconditional love and unconditional acceptance throughout his entire life, no matter what!

Pastors assigned to shepherd God’s flocks, should have been alert to the subtleties of deception that would turn a believer’s eyes from God to self. But alas, rather than warning the sheep, many of the shepherds have joined the psychologists and embrace their teachings of unconditional love and unconditional acceptance.

A Misunderstanding of God’s Love

The basis for their eager embrace is a misunderstanding of the love of God which passes knowledge. They equate unconditional love and acceptance with the fact that God’s love is vast, unfathomable, and unmerited. Then they follow that with the idea that if God loves and accepts people unconditionally, they should also love and accept themselves unconditionally. While this may sound like a logical progression, there are some serious problems with the basic assumptions. Therefore, we must address the question: Is God’s love unconditional? Are there any conditions that must be met to become a recipient of His love?

Paul prayed that the believers in Ephesus would be able to comprehend the breadth, length, depth and height of God’s love. He desired that they know the love of Christ, which surpasses knowledge, so that they would be filled with the fullness of God (Ephesians 3:16-19). The wide expanse of God’s love has been the theme of the gospel throughout the ages, for to know His love is to know Him. Therefore, any consideration of His love is highly important and must be based upon His revelation of Himself rather than upon the imagination of men.

Love According to Secular Humanism

Ever since the rise of secular humanism in this country and especially since the establishment of humanistic psychology, the popular, “relevant” term to describe God’s love has been unconditional. The thrust of this word in humanistic psychology has been both to give and to expect unconditional love from one another with no strings attached. While unconditional love and acceptance supposedly promote change and growth, they make no requirements. But God, who is love, requires and produces radical change—new life—and He enables His children to grow in righteousness.

In humanistic psychology, parents and society are always the culprits. Since they believe that every person is born with intrinsic worth and innate goodness, psychologists contend that one main reason people experience emotional and behavioral problems is because they have not received unconditional love from their parents. Following that thesis, Christians have come to believe that the best kind of love is unconditional love. It is the highest love secular humanists know. It is touted as a love that makes no demands for performance, good behavior, or the like. It has also been associated with a kind of permissiveness, since it makes no demands and has no conditions, even though the promoters of the unconditional love jargon would say that unconditional love does not have to dispense with discipline.

God’s Love Revealed through Scripture

Because the concept of unconditional love permeates society and because it is often thought of as the highest form of human love, it is natural for a Christian to use this term to describe God. After all, His love is far greater than any human love imaginable. God’s love for humanity is so great that “He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life” (John 3:16). Oh, the magnitude of the cost! We cannot even fathom His love even though our very breath depends upon it! His love indeed reaches to the heights and depths. Nevertheless, is God’s love truly unconditional?

God’s love is available to human beings by grace alone. There is nothing anyone can do to earn that love. There is no good work that is either demanded or even possible. Does that make God’s love unconditional? Because unconditional love is absolute and without any conditions whatsoever, all men would be saved if God’s love were unconditional. But that would be universalism. That would nullify the need for Christ’s sacrificial death and God’s condition of salvation by grace through faith.

We must also ask, does God’s love apply to the person who has sinned against the Holy Spirit by refusing to receive His grace throughout his lifetime and who is destined for hell? God chooses upon whom He will place His love and the benefits of his love. Did Jesus ever imply that God’s love is unconditional? He said to His disciples:

He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him (John 14:21).

One might argue, however, that the story of the prodigal son proves unconditional love. It indeed illustrates the vastness of God’s love, forgiveness and longsuffering. However, the son repented. If he had had a prosperous evil life he may never have repented. And while the father would have waited and hoped, he would not have extended his love. After all, he did not go out searching for him to support his folly. Up to a point this seems to indicate unconditional love, and yet, God is not waiting in ignorance, not knowing what those for whom His son died might be doing. He knows, and there comes a time when those who have refused his offer of love and forgiveness die and face the judgment. It is difficult enough to understand God’s love without adding the term unconditional which is loaded with secular, humanistic, psychological connotations. The story of the prodigal son teaches grace, forgiveness and mercy—but unconditional love? No!

While God loves with a greater love than humans can comprehend, His holiness and justice also must be taken into consideration. Therefore the term unconditional love is inadequate for defining God. It does not account for God’s reaction to pompous men who devise plans against Him and His anointed. The psalmist goes so far as to say:

He that sitteth in the heavens shall laugh: the Lord shall have them in derision. Then shall he speak to them in his wrath, and vex them in his sore displeasure (Psalm 2:4-5).

And what about Lot’s wife as she turned to look at the smoldering cities? Or what about Jesus’ words to the cities that refused to repent?

Woe unto thee, Chorazin! woe unto thee, Bethsaida! for if the mighty works, which were done in you, had been done in Tyre and Sidon, they would have repented long ago in sackcloth and ashes. But I say unto you, It shall be more tolerable for Tyre and Sidon at the day of judgment, than for you. And thou, Capernaum, which art exalted unto heaven, shalt be brought down to hell . . . . it shall be more tolerable for the land of Sodom in the day of judgment, than for thee (Matthew 11:21-24).

Does that sound like unconditional love?

But perhaps one could say that God’s love for the Christian is unconditional since the Christian partakes of His love and grace through faith. Wouldn’t it be better to say that the conditions have been met? Jesus met the first condition, to wash away the sin that God hates. The believer meets the second condition by grace through faith. Or, perhaps it would be better to say that God’s love extended to a person is conditioned by His plan to give eternal life to those who believe on His Son. The conditions of God’s love are resident within Himself.

There is a strong temptation to use vocabulary that is popular in society in order to make Christianity sound relevant. Christians have something far better than what the world offers, but in expressing that good news they confuse people by using words that are already loaded with humanistic connotations and systems of thought. It would be better not to use the expression unconditional love when describing God’s love. There are plenty of other good words.

In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him.

Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. . . .
And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him (1 John 4:9, 10, 16).

The incomprehensible magnitude of God’s love surpasses any concept of love devised by humanistic psychologists. The doctrine of unconditional love is a myth that glorifies man rather than God.

1. Webster’s New Universal Unabridged Dictionary, Second Edition, 1983.
2. Jay Haley. Strategies of Psychotherapy. New York: Grune & Stratton, Inc., 1963, pp. 71, 82.
3. Paul Brownback. The Danger of Self-Love. Chicago: Moody Press, 1982, p. 66.

PsychoHeresy Awareness Ministries, 4137 Primavera Road, Santa Barbara, CA 93110

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Abiding

The Death before the Death [podcast]


Gethsemane Preceded Calvary

“And he was withdrawn from them about a stone’s cast, and kneeled down, and prayed, 42  Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done. 43  And there appeared an angel unto him from heaven, strengthening him. 44  And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly: and his sweat was as it were great drops of blood falling down to the ground.” Luke 22:42-44

“He must increase, but I must decrease.” John 3:30

“Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body. 11  For we which live are alway delivered unto death for Jesus’ sake, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our mortal flesh. 12  So then death worketh in us, but life in you.” 2 Corinthians 4:10-12

“And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me. 24  For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it. 25  For what is a man advantaged, if he gain the whole world, and lose himself, or be cast away?” Luke 9:23-25

Shall We Freshly Declare the Cross to be Front and Center in our Personal Lives?

“I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.” Galatians 2:20 

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Abiding

“Rend Your Heart, and Not Your Garments” [podcast]


Who Does God Look to? Who Does God Dwell in?

Beware of any man pretending to represent Christ who isn’t praying and preaching for you to be possessed by a humble and contrite heart.

“Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 5:3

“‘Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven’ (Matthew 5:3). A low condition.  ‘Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted’ (Matthew 5:4). To mourn over our sin and our utter wickedness before a holy and righteous God. Those are the ones who will receive the comfort and ‘joy in the Holy Ghost’ (Romans 14:17).” Karen Cochran

Abandoning Our Own Sin, Our Own Way, for God and His Better Way!

To “rend your heart” is a biblical phrase meaning to tear open your heart in radical sincerity, true humility, and genuine repentance.

The phrase comes from Joel 2:13 in the Bible: “Rend your heart and not your garments and return to the Lord your God.”

One source notes the following:

“Context and Deeper Meaning:

  • Cultural Background: In ancient times, the Jewish people would tear (rend) their clothes as a public, highly visible display of grief or repentance.
  • The Spiritual Message: God is warning that outward rituals (like ripping clothing) are meaningless if the heart remains unchanged. Rending your heart implies breaking through your pride, letting go of excuses, and being completely vulnerable and authentic before God.
  • The Reward: The verse goes on to say that God is “gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love.” Tearing open your heart allows you to experience His forgiveness and restore your relationship with Him.”

To see an example of rending one’s physical garment in representation of rending their heart, see Acts 14:11-18.

Where is the LORD Looking?

“But the Lord said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7

Therefore also now, saith the Lord, turn ye even to me with all your heart, and with fasting, and with weeping, and with mourning: 13 and rend your heart, and not your garments, and turn unto the Lord your God: for he is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness, and repenteth him of the evil. 14Who knoweth if he will return and repent, and leave a blessing behind him; even a meat offering and a drink offering unto the Lord your God” Joel 2:12-14

“What a gracious invitation is contained in these words. How tenderly the Lord reasons with his people. And what an encouraging assurance it folds up with. Reader! do not fail to observe that this call of the Lord, the accompanying grace to incline the heart to the observance of it is implied. It is most blessed ever to remember that when the Lord thus comes forth in his endearing invitations, he is secretly inclining the heart to accept them. Grace must first enter the heart, or there will be no inclination to obey.” Robert Hawker

“Jeremiah’s message was never meant to leave the heart in despair. Every warning from God carried an invitation to return. The Lord does not expose empty religion to shame His people, but to heal them. Repentance is not the loss of hope, it is the beginning of hope. Christ still receives every soul that comes with humility, and He gives living faith where there was only habit, peace where there was only fear, and joy where there was only emptiness. The call remains the same today, to draw near to Him with a sincere heart, trusting that His mercy is always greater than our weakness.” Dan Blincoe

A Fresh Start with God Always Begins with Humility and True Repentance

“Repent ye therefore, and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, when the times of refreshing shall come from the presence of the Lord.” Acts 3:19

Therefore also now, saith the Lord, turn ye even to me with all your heart, and with fasting, and with weeping, and with mourning: 13 and rend your heart, and not your garments, and turn unto the Lord your God: for he is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness, and repenteth him of the evil. 14Who knoweth if he will return and repent, and leave a blessing behind him; even a meat offering and a drink offering unto the Lord your God?” Joel 2:12-14

Concerning rending our hearts before the LORD, one source notes:

The classic Bible passage on this concept is Joel 2:13, where God commands: “Rend your heart and not your garments”.  In ancient biblical culture, tearing (or “rending”) one’s physical clothing was a customary, visible display of extreme grief, despair, or repentance. Through the prophet Joel, God is essentially telling His people: Stop doing the empty, outward religious ritual of tearing your clothes to show everyone how sorry you are. Instead, let me see true, inward brokenness over your sins.

Examples of Rending Physical Garments

In the Bible, the physical act of tearing clothes was used as a dramatic expression of deep emotion in several well-known narratives:

  • Joseph’s Brothers (Genesis 37:29, 34): When Reuben realized Joseph was not in the pit, and later when the brothers brought Joseph’s blood-stained coat to Jacob, they tore their clothes in grief and despair. 
  • Job (Job 1:20): After hearing that he had lost all his wealth and his children, Job stood up and tore his robe as an outward sign of his overwhelming sorrow.
  • King David (2 Samuel 1:11-12): When David received news of the deaths of King Saul and Jonathan, he and his men tore their clothes to mourn.
  • The High Priest (Matthew 26:65): In a dramatic display of hypocritical outrage, the high priest tore his own garments when Jesus declared He was the Son of God, falsely accusing Him of blasphemy.

The Spiritual Meaning of “Rending the Heart”

The concept of “rending the heart” contrasts an outward show with inward reality.

  • Genuine Repentance: Tearing your heart means being vulnerable, acknowledging your brokenness, and deeply repenting of sin before God. 
  • Prioritizing Relationships over Rituals: God desires a sincere heart—true sorrow and a desire to change—more than he desires traditional religious pageantry or dramatic, public displays of grief.
  • The Promise of Forgiveness: In Joel 2:13, the command to rend the heart is immediately followed by the promise of grace: “Return to the LORD your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love”.  

God sees beyond our external habits and religious actions, requiring instead a humble, contrite heart to fully experience His mercy.”

God’s Mercy

“Therefore also now, saith the LORD, turn ye even to me with all your heart, and with fasting, and with weeping, and with mourning: 13  And rend your heart, and not your garments, and turn unto the LORD your God: for he is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness, and repenteth him of the evil. 14  Who knoweth if he will return and repent, and leave a blessing behind him; even a meat offering and a drink offering unto the LORD your God?” Joel 2:12-14

In God’s Word, where we see men who tear open their garments…. This holds the illustration of rending our hearts before the LORD.

Don’t render outward tearing, no, rather, tear open your inner man, your heart—be honest, sincere, exposed, and vulnerable to the LORD whom you trust.

Let’s attempt to get at, to ascertain what God is commanding of His beloved people to do in this “rend your heart” passage.

“Joel 2:13: Rend your heart—Let it not be merely a rending of your garments, but let your hearts be truly contrite. Merely external worship and hypocritical pretensions will only increase the evil, and cause God to meet you with heavier judgments.

For he is gracious—Good and benevolent in his own nature.

Merciful—Pitying and forgiving, as the effect of goodness and benevolence.

Slow to anger —He is not easily provoked to punish, because he is gracious and merciful.

Of great kindness—Exuberant goodness to all them that return to him.

And repenteth him of the evil—Is ever ready to change his purpose to destroy, when he finds the culprit willing to be saved. See the notes on Exo_34:6, Exo_34:7.” Adam Clarke

“Joel 2:12-14: III. DIVINE APPEAL TO JUDAH TO REPENT (2:12-14)
Even now, the LORD calls the people to repentance. It is not too late to return to Him. But it must be more than outward ritual. Their turning was to be with all their heart, with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning.” Believer’s Bible Commentary

To rend our hearts is the consistent message, mandate of God to His people of all ages and eras.

The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.” Psalms 34:18

“The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.” Psalms 51:17

In Joel 2 the LORD reminds those who are backslidden that He “is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness, and repenteth him of the evil. 14 Who knoweth if he will return and repent, and leave a blessing behind him; even a meat offering and a drink offering unto the LORD your God? …”

They must meet His stated conditions to receive His blessings ….

He promises that He will forgive them as they…..

“Joel 2:12-27: THE AVERTING OF JUDGMENT
To rend the garment is easy, but a broken and contrite heart can be imparted only by the grace of the Holy Spirit. The love of God should bring us to repentance. He takes no pleasure in our miseries and if men repent and turn from their sin they find an immediate and loving welcome to the Father’s heart and home. Joel had called for the trumpet to announce war; he now directs the trumpet blast to summon the people, from the highest to the lowest, to plead for help. Prayer and true repentance and faith bring an immediate answer. As the husband yearns over his erring but repentant wife, and is indignant with those who have maltreated her, so will Jehovah remove from us, when we turn to Him, those who have cruelly oppressed us.
The great things Jehovah did against Egypt and Babylon are an earnest of what He will do again. The earth (and all  the creation  of God) … have good reason to rejoice in what awaits them. God promises not only to forgive sin, but to make us happy and well provided as if the locust and cankerworm had never settled upon our lives.” FB Meyer

Religious hypocrites, counterfeits, emphasize the outward to cover their inner darkness, rebellion.

Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye pay tithe of mint and anise and cummin, and have omitted the weightier matters of the law, judgment, mercy, and faith: these ought ye to have done, and not to leave the other undone. 24 Ye blind guides, which strain at a gnat, and swallow a camel. 25 Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye make clean the outside of the cup and of the platter, but within they are full of extortion and excess.   Matthew 23:23-25

“He answered and said unto them, Well hath Esaias prophesied of you hypocrites, as it is written, This people honoureth me with their lips, but their heart is far from me.” Mark 7:6

 

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God and His Word are Unchanging [podcast]


Because God is Unchanging, So is His Word

“For I am the Lord, I change not; therefore ye sons of Jacob are not consumed.”    Malachi 3:6

“Which keepeth truth for ever” – Is the Bible “Archaic”? No. Divine truth is everlasting. Has no expiration date. You cannot escape accountability to it, to Him. It’s an open book test. The Savior says “Heaven and earth shall pass away: but my words shall not pass away” (Mark 13:31). Divine truth is eternal, unchanging, and binding upon all men (Psalms 146:6; Malachi 3:6, etc.).

Every time you open God’s Word and begin reading, you are hearing the voice of God.

“But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.” Genesis 2:17

“Now the serpent was more subtil than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made. And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?” Genesis 3:1 (the devil questions God’s Word, questions what God says in His Word.)

“And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall NOT surely die.” Genesis 3:4

Every word of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him. 6 Add thou not unto his words, lest he reprove thee, and thou be found a liar.” Proverbs 30:5-6

For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book, If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book: 19 and if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life, and out of the holy city, and from the things which are written in this book.” Revelation 22:18-19

“Ye shall not add unto the word which I command you, neither shall ye diminish ought from it, that ye may keep the commandments of the Lord your God which I command you.” Deuteronomy 4:2

“For we are not as many, which corrupt the word of God: but as of sincerity, but as of God, in the sight of God speak we in Christ.” 2 Corinthians 2:17

“Ye have perverted the words of the living God, of the LORD of hosts our God.” Jeremiah 23:36

“all the words that I command thee to speak unto them; diminish not a word:” Jeremiah 26:2 

 

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