Martin Bobgan, PhD.
Among the stellar emotional needs of humanistic psychology are unconditional acceptance, unconditional self-regard, unconditional self-acceptance, and unconditional love. The meaning of the word unconditional is “without conditions or reservations; absolute.”1 The practical extension of the theories of unconditional love is a permissive attitude and a morally nonrestrictive atmosphere. That means no conditions or restrictions in child rearing, counseling, and other human relationships. Since the parent or counselor is to be giving unconditional love, it must be an absolute love, unrestricted by human feelings or failings, since the very meaning of the word is “absolute.” But, if there is any absolute when it comes to love, it is that human love is limited. It is not what it was originally created to be, even in the best of people and circumstances, except when Jesus Himself is loving in and through a person.
Adler and Maslow considered these “unconditionals” to be basic human needs, essential to a person’s sense of wellbeing. They taught that people need to be loved and accepted unconditionally—without any conditions of performance. Thus their followers teach that parents must love and accept their children unconditionally. Moreover, they encourage all people to love and accept themselves unconditionally.
Adler, Maslow, Rogers and others believed that a human being will find answers to his own dilemmas and naturally blossom into his best self in an atmosphere of unconditional love and acceptance, by which they meant a permissive, unstructured atmosphere. Nevertheless, as much as they would like to think that they themselves loved their clients unconditionally, the truth of the matter is this: people are not able to love unconditionally.
The Myth of Unconditional Love
Unconditional love is a myth. That is because the human is naturally self-biased and the human heart is so deceitful that one can fool himself into thinking that he is loving unconditionally, when in fact he has all kinds of conditions. For instance, what kind of unconditional love and unconditional positive regard is at work when the client can no longer pay for services and therapy is discontinued? Furthermore, even the most nondirective counselors express approval or disapproval in subtle, if not direct, ways.2
The idea of people improving their life in an atmosphere of unconditional love is founded on the premise that people are born good and that their natural inclination to goodness is thwarted by their environment (mainly parents). In such a system, self is the victim of society but finds salvation, freedom, and fulfillment through unconditional self-love and self-acceptance. Unconditional love cannot be based upon performance or it wouldn’t be unconditional. Therefore, it must be based on the intrinsic worth of the person. Paul Brownback, in his book The Danger of Self-Love, explains it this way:
- . . . by unconditional love we are speaking of love on the basis of being rather than doing. One implication of this teaching is the place of grandeur that it gives to the human being. I am lovable just because I am human; therefore being human, in and of itself, regardless of what I do with my humanness, must have some sort of independent value or worth. It is by itself a sufficient claim to respect and esteem.3
Thus, according to these self theories, everyone is born with the right to receive unconditional love and unconditional acceptance throughout his entire life, no matter what!
Pastors assigned to shepherd God’s flocks, should have been alert to the subtleties of deception that would turn a believer’s eyes from God to self. But alas, rather than warning the sheep, many of the shepherds have joined the psychologists and embrace their teachings of unconditional love and unconditional acceptance.
A Misunderstanding of God’s Love
The basis for their eager embrace is a misunderstanding of the love of God which passes knowledge. They equate unconditional love and acceptance with the fact that God’s love is vast, unfathomable, and unmerited. Then they follow that with the idea that if God loves and accepts people unconditionally, they should also love and accept themselves unconditionally. While this may sound like a logical progression, there are some serious problems with the basic assumptions. Therefore, we must address the question: Is God’s love unconditional? Are there any conditions that must be met to become a recipient of His love?
Paul prayed that the believers in Ephesus would be able to comprehend the breadth, length, depth and height of God’s love. He desired that they know the love of Christ, which surpasses knowledge, so that they would be filled with the fullness of God (Ephesians 3:16-19). The wide expanse of God’s love has been the theme of the gospel throughout the ages, for to know His love is to know Him. Therefore, any consideration of His love is highly important and must be based upon His revelation of Himself rather than upon the imagination of men.
Love According to Secular Humanism
Ever since the rise of secular humanism in this country and especially since the establishment of humanistic psychology, the popular, “relevant” term to describe God’s love has been unconditional. The thrust of this word in humanistic psychology has been both to give and to expect unconditional love from one another with no strings attached. While unconditional love and acceptance supposedly promote change and growth, they make no requirements. But God, who is love, requires and produces radical change—new life—and He enables His children to grow in righteousness.
In humanistic psychology, parents and society are always the culprits. Since they believe that every person is born with intrinsic worth and innate goodness, psychologists contend that one main reason people experience emotional and behavioral problems is because they have not received unconditional love from their parents. Following that thesis, Christians have come to believe that the best kind of love is unconditional love. It is the highest love secular humanists know. It is touted as a love that makes no demands for performance, good behavior, or the like. It has also been associated with a kind of permissiveness, since it makes no demands and has no conditions, even though the promoters of the unconditional love jargon would say that unconditional love does not have to dispense with discipline.
God’s Love Revealed through Scripture
Because the concept of unconditional love permeates society and because it is often thought of as the highest form of human love, it is natural for a Christian to use this term to describe God. After all, His love is far greater than any human love imaginable. God’s love for humanity is so great that “He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life” (John 3:16). Oh, the magnitude of the cost! We cannot even fathom His love even though our very breath depends upon it! His love indeed reaches to the heights and depths. Nevertheless, is God’s love truly unconditional?
God’s love is available to human beings by grace alone. There is nothing anyone can do to earn that love. There is no good work that is either demanded or even possible. Does that make God’s love unconditional? Because unconditional love is absolute and without any conditions whatsoever, all men would be saved if God’s love were unconditional. But that would be universalism. That would nullify the need for Christ’s sacrificial death and God’s condition of salvation by grace through faith.
We must also ask, does God’s love apply to the person who has sinned against the Holy Spirit by refusing to receive His grace throughout his lifetime and who is destined for hell? God chooses upon whom He will place His love and the benefits of his love. Did Jesus ever imply that God’s love is unconditional? He said to His disciples:
He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him (John 14:21).
One might argue, however, that the story of the prodigal son proves unconditional love. It indeed illustrates the vastness of God’s love, forgiveness and longsuffering. However, the son repented. If he had had a prosperous evil life he may never have repented. And while the father would have waited and hoped, he would not have extended his love. After all, he did not go out searching for him to support his folly. Up to a point this seems to indicate unconditional love, and yet, God is not waiting in ignorance, not knowing what those for whom His son died might be doing. He knows, and there comes a time when those who have refused his offer of love and forgiveness die and face the judgment. It is difficult enough to understand God’s love without adding the term unconditional which is loaded with secular, humanistic, psychological connotations. The story of the prodigal son teaches grace, forgiveness and mercy—but unconditional love? No!
While God loves with a greater love than humans can comprehend, His holiness and justice also must be taken into consideration. Therefore the term unconditional love is inadequate for defining God. It does not account for God’s reaction to pompous men who devise plans against Him and His anointed. The psalmist goes so far as to say:
He that sitteth in the heavens shall laugh: the Lord shall have them in derision. Then shall he speak to them in his wrath, and vex them in his sore displeasure (Psalm 2:4-5).
And what about Lot’s wife as she turned to look at the smoldering cities? Or what about Jesus’ words to the cities that refused to repent?
Woe unto thee, Chorazin! woe unto thee, Bethsaida! for if the mighty works, which were done in you, had been done in Tyre and Sidon, they would have repented long ago in sackcloth and ashes. But I say unto you, It shall be more tolerable for Tyre and Sidon at the day of judgment, than for you. And thou, Capernaum, which art exalted unto heaven, shalt be brought down to hell . . . . it shall be more tolerable for the land of Sodom in the day of judgment, than for thee (Matthew 11:21-24).
Does that sound like unconditional love?
But perhaps one could say that God’s love for the Christian is unconditional since the Christian partakes of His love and grace through faith. Wouldn’t it be better to say that the conditions have been met? Jesus met the first condition, to wash away the sin that God hates. The believer meets the second condition by grace through faith. Or, perhaps it would be better to say that God’s love extended to a person is conditioned by His plan to give eternal life to those who believe on His Son. The conditions of God’s love are resident within Himself.
There is a strong temptation to use vocabulary that is popular in society in order to make Christianity sound relevant. Christians have something far better than what the world offers, but in expressing that good news they confuse people by using words that are already loaded with humanistic connotations and systems of thought. It would be better not to use the expression unconditional love when describing God’s love. There are plenty of other good words.
In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him.
Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. . . .
And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him (1 John 4:9, 10, 16).
The incomprehensible magnitude of God’s love surpasses any concept of love devised by humanistic psychologists. The doctrine of unconditional love is a myth that glorifies man rather than God.
1. Webster’s New Universal Unabridged Dictionary, Second Edition, 1983.
2. Jay Haley. Strategies of Psychotherapy. New York: Grune & Stratton, Inc., 1963, pp. 71, 82.
3. Paul Brownback. The Danger of Self-Love. Chicago: Moody Press, 1982, p. 66.
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America
America is Under Divine Judgment [podcast]
Chasing the American dream all the way to hell? Are you bowing before your Maker who came and died to save you from sin and this world? Or, are you bowing before “old glory”, “the red, white, and blue”?
“Because thou sayest, I am rich, and increased with goods, and have need of nothing; and knowest not that thou art wretched, and miserable, and poor, and blind, and naked:” Revelation 3:17
Every person reading these very words is making his eternal bed in Heaven or in hell.
“Multitudes, multitudes in the valley of decision: for the day of the LORD is near in the valley of decision.” Joel 3:14
“Know ye not, that to whom ye yield yourselves servants to obey, his servants ye are to whom ye obey; whether of sin unto death, or of obedience unto righteousness?” Romans 6:16
Those bowed truly before Christ and no idol, are about His “business” which is the Great Commission He gave us! Oh, and He holds you fully accountable to obey, to do it. Read the very end of Matthew and Mark.
If you are not deliberately, integrally involved in the Great Commission mandate Jesus gave His people, you are out of the will of God.
Evangelism! (Mark 16:15-20) Teaching God’s Word (Matthew 28:18-20).
AMERICA’S ENEMY INVASION
In the Bible, we read of how God allowed foreign empires like the Assyrians and Babylonians to invade, conquer, and exile Israel and Judah as a form of divine discipline and covenant judgment for their persistent idolatry, social injustice, and refusal to repent.
One source notes:
“The Theological Framework of Judgment
- The Covenant: God made a conditional agreement (covenant) with ancient Israel. Obedience brought protection and blessing; disobedience brought explicit warnings of national defeat and dispersion (e.g., Deuteronomy 28).
- Using Foreign Nations: Prophets like Isaiah and Habakkuk explain that God sovereignly used ruthless empires (calling Assyria the “rod of my anger”) as instruments of correction against His own unfaithful people.
- The Limits of Judgment: While God used these empires to punish Israel, the Bible notes He also held those invading nations accountable for their own extreme cruelty, arrogance, and subsequent destruction (e.g., Isaiah 10, Jeremiah 50–51).”
THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENS TO ANY NATION THAT FORSAKES GOD. – “The wicked shall be turned into hell, and all the nations that forget God.” (Psalms 9:17) America is under divine judgment. See Jeremiah 18.
“The LORD is known by the judgment which he executeth: the wicked is snared in the work of his own hands. Higgaion. Selah. 17 The wicked shall be turned into hell, and all the nations that forget God.” Psalms 9:16-17
“At what instant” (marked space in time)
It seems God has His timing in judging nations and history records…..
It is more than obvious that America is not repenting. If that’s the case, what future does America have?
Jeremiah 18:7-10
“At what instant (marked place in time) I shall speak concerning a nation, and concerning a kingdom, to pluck up, and to pull down, and to destroy it;
8 If that nation, against whom I have pronounced, turn from their evil, I will repent of the evil that I thought to do unto them.
9 And at what instant I shall speak concerning a nation, and concerning a kingdom, to build and to plant it;
10 If it do evil in my sight, that it obey not my voice, then I will repent of the good, wherewith I said I would benefit them.”
How does He judge?
Does He not lift His hand of protection and allow invaders? Read Jeremiah 5-7. This morning as I begin again reading these 3 chapters, what’s happening in America seems to fit for sure. And no president can save America from the LORD judgment. The only hope would be the true repentance of the people.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENS TO ANY NATION THAT FORSAKES GOD. – “The wicked shall be turned into hell, and all the nations that forget God.” (Psalms 9:17) America is under divine judgment. See Jeremiah 18.
What Bible verse or passage comes to your mind when you think of being possessed by an eternal perspective? How about this one?
“For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day.
17 For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory;
18 While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
PRAYER: My Father in Heaven, in the name of Jesus, please imbue this Your vessel with the eternal perspective Your Word communicates. Bless me to be a consummate soul winning, with my hands gripping the plow of Your Great Commission command. In the name of Jesus. Amen.
“Why would we put our hope in a country that belongs to our arch enemy? (2 Cor 4:4). As scripture clearly tells us this earth will vanish like smoke (Is 51:6). We are looking for a new heaven and new earth! Rev 21. Where God will dwell among us! We will be His people and drink from the fountain of life forever and ever! That is my hope! Not this wicked fallen world!” Karen Cochran
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Articles
A Word of Encouragement on Ministering to Others
“Being born again, not of corruptible seed, but of incorruptible, by the word of God, which liveth and abideth for ever.” 1 Peter 1:23
It’s God’s Word, the “incorruptible seed” of the truth of God that shatters that which stands between Him and sinners. Listen closely and grasp these divinely inspired Word through the prophet Jeremiah:
“Is not my word like as a fire? saith the LORD; and like a hammer that breaketh the rock in pieces?” Jeremiah 23:29
The rock of unbelief is broken by the words of God entering the hearts of men. The light of divine truth pierces the darkness:
“The entrance of thy words giveth light; it giveth understanding unto the simple.” Psalms 119:130
When the very words of God enter the human heart, by its nature – light – darkness is exposed for what it is.
“The law of the LORD is perfect, converting the soul: the testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple.” Psalms 19:7
YOUR PRAYER: Father, please make me a consummate soul winner, in Jesus’ name, amen.
Many times, due to a lack of the cross in our lives, are we not rather in the flesh instead of the Spirit and therefore do we not attempt to force or coerce the truth of God on others?
“Not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit, saith the LORD of hosts.” Zechariah 4:6
EVER BEEN THERE? There are times when we are to “earnestly contend for the faith once delivered to the saints” and other times when the enemy is trying to get us to take the bait, to bite on something minor and not be quiet, listen, and meekly minister the Word and love of God (Jude 3-4; Ephesians 4:15; 2 Timothy 2:24-26). May God bless each of His children to be led by His Holy Spirit in each instant and glorify Him, in Jesus’ name. Amen.
Preaching AT someone and ministering TO someone are mutually exclusive. Are we preaching in our own self-righteous wrath and don’t yet realize it? The words of James are stinging and should be memorized:
“For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.” James 1:20
May God fill us with His love and bless each of us to edify (build up) the members of His body.
Both rebuking and ministering are certainly Scriptural and yet, personally, I can look back in regret and see that when God wanting me MINISTERING TO someone, I was instead preaching AT the intended target/person. They are not a target but an eternal soul heading to Heaven or hell. And at times, God will mercifully lead His people to send forth a strong rebuke in order to turn the sinner to Himself.
There are many instances in Scripture where unrepentant rebels are dealt a hard blow with strong preaching, strong rebuke – the call to repent (Matthew 23; Acts 13:10; Revelation 3:19, etc.).
I wonder if it would help up today if we paused to consider the process that transpired in our own lives. Though salvation is instantaneously imparted upon repentance, it most likely took a few people sowing the seed of God’s Word in our hearts before we repented and received Christ, right? Is that what happened in your life? It sure is in mine. I didn’t stop and get saved the first time some bless-ed disciple ministered to me. Did you?
When we put a seed in the ground to get a crop, it has to first be planted and then it begins to germinate, right? Then comes the crop and the fruit. This is a process and Paul speaks of it when he writes:
“I have planted, Apollos watered; but God gave the increase. 7 So then neither is he that planteth any thing, neither he that watereth; but God that giveth the increase. 8 Now he that planteth and he that watereth are one: and every man shall receive his own reward according to his own labour. 9 For we are labourers together with God: ye are God’s husbandry, ye are God’s building.” 1 Corinthians 3:6-9
Here below is a passage the LORD quickens my heart to pour prayerfully over on a regular basis:
“And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient, 25 In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth; 26 And that they may recover themselves out of the snare of the devil, who are taken captive by him at his will.” 2 Timothy 2:24-26
PEOPLE go public about a lot of things. It’s time for God’s people to GO PUBLIC about JESUS!
“Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.” Matthew 5:16
Like everything in Christ’s kingdom, nothing works outside of the cross – the death, burial, and resurrection of Christ happening in our lives daily.
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Articles
Recovering Biblical Womanhood [podcast]
by Lindsey Griffin
𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝗳 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝗼𝗳 ‘𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗯𝗶𝗯𝗹𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹 𝘄𝗼𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗵𝗼𝗼𝗱’ 𝗶𝘀 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗽 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗶𝗯𝗶𝗹𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗲𝘀 𝗚𝗼𝗱 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝗰𝗲𝗱 𝗽𝗿𝗶𝗺𝗮𝗿𝗶𝗹𝘆 𝘂𝗽𝗼𝗻 𝗺𝗲𝗻 𝗮𝘀 𝗽𝗿𝗶𝘃𝗶𝗹𝗲𝗴𝗲𝘀 𝘄𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗻 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝘂𝗻𝗳𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗹𝘆 𝗱𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗲𝗱?
The more I think about this, the more I wonder whether we have been taught to look at male responsibility through the eyes of a child watching someone else get something she didn’t get.
“He gets to be in charge? That’s not fair! I want a turn.😠”
But what if what we have been calling a privilege was actually a responsibility?
The more I study the responsibilities Scripture places primarily upon men, the less I find myself coveting them. Headship sounds wonderful if all you see is the seat at the head of the table. It looks very different when you realize that the man sitting there is supposed to answer for what happens at that table.
Biblical authority isn’t simply getting your way. It comes with responsibility, sacrifice, service, provision, protection, difficult decisions, and ultimately accountability before God. Scripture repeatedly connects greater authority with greater accountability. “For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required: and to whom men have committed much, of him they will ask the more.” (Luke 12:48). James even warns that not many should become teachers because teachers “shall receive the greater condemnation” (James 3:1).
“My brethren, be not many masters, knowing that we shall receive the greater condemnation.” James 3:1
And that has made me rethink the entire way women have been encouraged to view male leadership.
Maybe instead of asking, “Why does he get to have that authority?” we should have been asking, “What does God require from the person to whom He gives that authority?”
Because I don’t think we can demand all of the authority traditionally associated with men while simultaneously asking society to make allowances for us whenever the realities of being women become inconvenient. We cannot insist, “Don’t treat me differently because I’m a woman. I can do anything a man can do,” and then turn around and argue, when accountability becomes painful, that our hormones, emotions, reproductive stage, or sex should substantially change what is expected of us.
If we want identical authority, then logically we are also asking for identical accountability.
The Bible never says that men are more valuable and women are less valuable. God gave men and women DIFFERENT RESPONSIBILITIES, with DIFFERENT BURDENS attached to them, and neither sex needs to covet what God entrusted primarily to the other.
I’m increasingly grateful that I don’t have to occupy every position a man occupies simply to prove that I am his equal in value.
I have a seat at the table. I don’t need to usurp his seat in order for mine to matter.”
“I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.” 1 Timothy 5:14
More on God Fearing Women here.
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A Word of Encouragement on Ministering to Others
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Either Crucify the Flesh or it will Crucify Christ out of Your Life [podcast]
“And this Gospel of the Kingdom shall be Preached in all the World” [podcast]
Jesus Promised Judas an Eternal Throne in Heaven but He Chose to go to Hell #shorts [video]
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Mission Mexico Part 47
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THE AMERICAN DREAM DELUSION: Are You a “Dream Chaser” or a Jesus Seeker? [podcast]
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Jacob’s Ladder: What Does it Mean to Us? [podcast]
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“THE FORMER SHALL NOT BE REMEMBERED, NOR COME INTO MIND” [podcast]
A Word of Encouragement on Ministering to Others
America is Under Divine Judgment [podcast]
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