Unconditional Love and Acceptance?

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Martin Bobgan, PhD.

Among the stellar emotional needs of humanistic psychology are unconditional acceptance, unconditional self-regard, unconditional self-acceptance, and unconditional love. The meaning of the word unconditional is “without conditions or reservations; absolute.”1 The practical extension of the theories of unconditional love is a permissive attitude and a morally nonrestrictive atmosphere. That means no conditions or restrictions in child rearing, counseling, and other human relationships. Since the parent or counselor is to be giving unconditional love, it must be an absolute love, unrestricted by human feelings or failings, since the very meaning of the word is “absolute.” But, if there is any absolute when it comes to love, it is that human love is limited. It is not what it was originally created to be, even in the best of people and circumstances, except when Jesus Himself is loving in and through a person.

Adler and Maslow considered these “unconditionals” to be basic human needs, essential to a person’s sense of wellbeing. They taught that people need to be loved and accepted unconditionally—without any conditions of performance. Thus their followers teach that parents must love and accept their children unconditionally. Moreover, they encourage all people to love and accept themselves unconditionally.

Adler, Maslow, Rogers and others believed that a human being will find answers to his own dilemmas and naturally blossom into his best self in an atmosphere of unconditional love and acceptance, by which they meant a permissive, unstructured atmosphere. Nevertheless, as much as they would like to think that they themselves loved their clients unconditionally, the truth of the matter is this: people are not able to love unconditionally.

The Myth of Unconditional Love

Unconditional love is a myth. That is because the human is naturally self-biased and the human heart is so deceitful that one can fool himself into thinking that he is loving unconditionally, when in fact he has all kinds of conditions. For instance, what kind of unconditional love and unconditional positive regard is at work when the client can no longer pay for services and therapy is discontinued? Furthermore, even the most nondirective counselors express approval or disapproval in subtle, if not direct, ways.2

The idea of people improving their life in an atmosphere of unconditional love is founded on the premise that people are born good and that their natural inclination to goodness is thwarted by their environment (mainly parents). In such a system, self is the victim of society but finds salvation, freedom, and fulfillment through unconditional self-love and self-acceptance. Unconditional love cannot be based upon performance or it wouldn’t be unconditional. Therefore, it must be based on the intrinsic worth of the person. Paul Brownback, in his book The Danger of Self-Love, explains it this way:

. . . by unconditional love we are speaking of love on the basis of being rather than doing. One implication of this teaching is the place of grandeur that it gives to the human being. I am lovable just because I am human; therefore being human, in and of itself, regardless of what I do with my humanness, must have some sort of independent value or worth. It is by itself a sufficient claim to respect and esteem.3

Thus, according to these self theories, everyone is born with the right to receive unconditional love and unconditional acceptance throughout his entire life, no matter what!

Pastors assigned to shepherd God’s flocks, should have been alert to the subtleties of deception that would turn a believer’s eyes from God to self. But alas, rather than warning the sheep, many of the shepherds have joined the psychologists and embrace their teachings of unconditional love and unconditional acceptance.

A Misunderstanding of God’s Love

The basis for their eager embrace is a misunderstanding of the love of God which passes knowledge. They equate unconditional love and acceptance with the fact that God’s love is vast, unfathomable, and unmerited. Then they follow that with the idea that if God loves and accepts people unconditionally, they should also love and accept themselves unconditionally. While this may sound like a logical progression, there are some serious problems with the basic assumptions. Therefore, we must address the question: Is God’s love unconditional? Are there any conditions that must be met to become a recipient of His love?

Paul prayed that the believers in Ephesus would be able to comprehend the breadth, length, depth and height of God’s love. He desired that they know the love of Christ, which surpasses knowledge, so that they would be filled with the fullness of God (Ephesians 3:16-19). The wide expanse of God’s love has been the theme of the gospel throughout the ages, for to know His love is to know Him. Therefore, any consideration of His love is highly important and must be based upon His revelation of Himself rather than upon the imagination of men.

Love According to Secular Humanism

Ever since the rise of secular humanism in this country and especially since the establishment of humanistic psychology, the popular, “relevant” term to describe God’s love has been unconditional. The thrust of this word in humanistic psychology has been both to give and to expect unconditional love from one another with no strings attached. While unconditional love and acceptance supposedly promote change and growth, they make no requirements. But God, who is love, requires and produces radical change—new life—and He enables His children to grow in righteousness.

In humanistic psychology, parents and society are always the culprits. Since they believe that every person is born with intrinsic worth and innate goodness, psychologists contend that one main reason people experience emotional and behavioral problems is because they have not received unconditional love from their parents. Following that thesis, Christians have come to believe that the best kind of love is unconditional love. It is the highest love secular humanists know. It is touted as a love that makes no demands for performance, good behavior, or the like. It has also been associated with a kind of permissiveness, since it makes no demands and has no conditions, even though the promoters of the unconditional love jargon would say that unconditional love does not have to dispense with discipline.

God’s Love Revealed through Scripture

Because the concept of unconditional love permeates society and because it is often thought of as the highest form of human love, it is natural for a Christian to use this term to describe God. After all, His love is far greater than any human love imaginable. God’s love for humanity is so great that “He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life” (John 3:16). Oh, the magnitude of the cost! We cannot even fathom His love even though our very breath depends upon it! His love indeed reaches to the heights and depths. Nevertheless, is God’s love truly unconditional?

God’s love is available to human beings by grace alone. There is nothing anyone can do to earn that love. There is no good work that is either demanded or even possible. Does that make God’s love unconditional? Because unconditional love is absolute and without any conditions whatsoever, all men would be saved if God’s love were unconditional. But that would be universalism. That would nullify the need for Christ’s sacrificial death and God’s condition of salvation by grace through faith.

We must also ask, does God’s love apply to the person who has sinned against the Holy Spirit by refusing to receive His grace throughout his lifetime and who is destined for hell? God chooses upon whom He will place His love and the benefits of his love. Did Jesus ever imply that God’s love is unconditional? He said to His disciples:

He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him (John 14:21).

One might argue, however, that the story of the prodigal son proves unconditional love. It indeed illustrates the vastness of God’s love, forgiveness and longsuffering. However, the son repented. If he had had a prosperous evil life he may never have repented. And while the father would have waited and hoped, he would not have extended his love. After all, he did not go out searching for him to support his folly. Up to a point this seems to indicate unconditional love, and yet, God is not waiting in ignorance, not knowing what those for whom His son died might be doing. He knows, and there comes a time when those who have refused his offer of love and forgiveness die and face the judgment. It is difficult enough to understand God’s love without adding the term unconditional which is loaded with secular, humanistic, psychological connotations. The story of the prodigal son teaches grace, forgiveness and mercy—but unconditional love? No!

While God loves with a greater love than humans can comprehend, His holiness and justice also must be taken into consideration. Therefore the term unconditional love is inadequate for defining God. It does not account for God’s reaction to pompous men who devise plans against Him and His anointed. The psalmist goes so far as to say:

He that sitteth in the heavens shall laugh: the Lord shall have them in derision. Then shall he speak to them in his wrath, and vex them in his sore displeasure (Psalm 2:4-5).

And what about Lot’s wife as she turned to look at the smoldering cities? Or what about Jesus’ words to the cities that refused to repent?

Woe unto thee, Chorazin! woe unto thee, Bethsaida! for if the mighty works, which were done in you, had been done in Tyre and Sidon, they would have repented long ago in sackcloth and ashes. But I say unto you, It shall be more tolerable for Tyre and Sidon at the day of judgment, than for you. And thou, Capernaum, which art exalted unto heaven, shalt be brought down to hell . . . . it shall be more tolerable for the land of Sodom in the day of judgment, than for thee (Matthew 11:21-24).

Does that sound like unconditional love?

But perhaps one could say that God’s love for the Christian is unconditional since the Christian partakes of His love and grace through faith. Wouldn’t it be better to say that the conditions have been met? Jesus met the first condition, to wash away the sin that God hates. The believer meets the second condition by grace through faith. Or, perhaps it would be better to say that God’s love extended to a person is conditioned by His plan to give eternal life to those who believe on His Son. The conditions of God’s love are resident within Himself.

There is a strong temptation to use vocabulary that is popular in society in order to make Christianity sound relevant. Christians have something far better than what the world offers, but in expressing that good news they confuse people by using words that are already loaded with humanistic connotations and systems of thought. It would be better not to use the expression unconditional love when describing God’s love. There are plenty of other good words.

In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him.

Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. . . .
And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him (1 John 4:9, 10, 16).

The incomprehensible magnitude of God’s love surpasses any concept of love devised by humanistic psychologists. The doctrine of unconditional love is a myth that glorifies man rather than God.

1. Webster’s New Universal Unabridged Dictionary, Second Edition, 1983.
2. Jay Haley. Strategies of Psychotherapy. New York: Grune & Stratton, Inc., 1963, pp. 71, 82.
3. Paul Brownback. The Danger of Self-Love. Chicago: Moody Press, 1982, p. 66.

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The Divinity of Jesus Christ

WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS CONCERNING JESUS CHRIST AS GOD ALMIGHTY: (Note: this is not an exhaustive look at the divinity of Jesus Christ. Also, note that some of the particular words that announce His divinity are underlined).

“Therefore the Lord himself shall give you a sign; Behold, a virgin shall conceive, and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel (means God with us).” Isaiah 7:14

Jesus says “if ye believe not that I am he, ye shall die in your sins.” (John 8:24) You cannot be saved if you do not believe that Jesus Christ is God Almighty because that’s who the Bible foretold that the Messiah would be. … “the mighty God.” (Isaiah 9:6) Jesus Christ is God “Almighty” (Revelation 1:8). …. “Therefore the Lord himself shall give you a sign; Behold, a virgin shall conceive, and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel (means God with us).” Isaiah 7:14 ,,, Jesus Christ was “GOD with us.”

Jesus Christ came to the earth exactly how and when the “more sure word of prophecy”, the Scriptures, foretold that He would come and to fulfill the Messianic prophecies of Himself to the exact detail (2 Peter 1:19-21).

“Then said I, Lo, I come: in the volume of the book it is written of me, 8 I delight to do thy will, O my God: yea, thy law is within my heart.” Psalms 40:7-8

“From cover to cover of the OT it was foretold not only that Christ would come into the world but that He would come with an eager, ready spirit to do the will of God. The will of God was not just in His head—it was inscribed in His very heart.” Believer’s Bible Commentary

“For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given (He already existed as God-with no beginning or end): and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of peace. Of the increase of his government and peace there shall be no end.” Isaiah 9:6,7

“But thou, Bethlehem Ephratah, though thou be little among the thousands of Judah, yet out of thee shall he come forth unto me that is to be ruler in Israel; whose goings forth have been from of old, from everlasting (Jesus, born as a man in Bethlehem, is God, and existed from eternity past).” Micah 5:2

“In the beginning was the Word (Jesus Christ), and the Word was with God, and the Word was God …All things were made by him (Creator); and without him was not any thing made that was made…He was in the world, and the world was made by him…And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us…” John 1:1,2,10,14

CONTRARY TO WHAT FALSE RELIGIONS TEACH, JESUS CHRIST WAS NOT A MAN BECOMING GOD OR JUST A GOD AMONG OTHER “GODS.” NO, HE IS THE ONE TRUE GOD, the only God, “the Almighty,” WHO BECAME MAN – TO REDEEM MAN! (JOHN 1; Revelation 1:8, etc.)

“And no man hath ascended up to heaven, but he that came down from heaven, even the Son of man which is in heaven.” John 3:13

Of Christ distinctly, Colossians 1 reveals that Jesus Christ is the Creator and divine Sustainer of all that exists:

“For by him were all things created, that are in heaven, and that are in earth, visible and invisible, whether they be thrones, or dominions, or principalities, or powers: all things were created by him, and for him: 17 And he is before all things, and by him all things consist.” Colossians 1:16-17

Jesus Christ made Himself “equal with God” because He is God!

“Therefore the Jews sought to kill him because he…said also that God was his Father, making himself equal with God.” John 5:18

“Jesus said unto them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, Before Abraham was, I am.” John 8:58

Before Abraham, Jesus Christ existed because He is eternal so He has no beginning nor ending. He dwelt with the Father from eternity past.

“How many generations after Abraham was Jesus?”

“In Matthew’s Gospel there are 41 generations from Abraham to Jesus. Matthew demonstrated that there were 14 generations (see Matthew 1:17): from Abraham to David; from David to Josiah; from Josiah to Jesus.” unknown

“How many years from Adam until Jesus?”

“Many believe that Jesus was born somewhere around 2 BCE. If we deduce the number, we got 4002 years between the creation of Adam and the birth of Jesus Christ. If others have a different number it would be alright, but basically the span in between would still be around 4000 years.” unknown

“The Jews answered him, saying, For a good work we stone thee not; but for blasphemy; and because that thou, being a man makest thyself God.” John 10:33

The divinity of Jesus Christ is an essential cornerstone doctrine of the Christian faith – without which no man can be saved.

The rebellious Jews were actually attempting to stone Jesus for identifying Himself as God Almighty – the “Christ,” “the Son of God” (John 10:24-25,36). Read John 10:22-42. The Jews knew from the OT Scriptures that the Messiah would be divine, yet were in unbelief that this Jesus from Nazareth was their long awaited Messiah.

ANY person who denies the divinity of and limits Jesus Christ as being “the Son of God” (and that He is)…. needs to be saved. “The spirit of antichrist” is upon any person who has denied Christ (1 John 4:3). Such a person is a lost soul. Jesus being the Son of God in no way negates that He is God “Almighty” (Revelation 1:8). See 1 John 2:22-23.

If you don’t believe the RECORD of Scripture that Jesus Christ is IMMANUEL, GOD with us, you are an antichrist. Repent. Isaiah 7:14; 9:6-7; Matthew 1:23; John 8:24; 1 Timothy 3:16; John 1:1-18; Colossians 1:16-18, etc. We are told that the Christ would be born of a virgin in Bethlehem and would be Immanuel, GOD with us (Micah 5:2).

“Who is a liar but he that denieth that Jesus is the Christ? He is antichrist, that denieth the Father and the Son.” 1 John 2:22

Those who seek to reduce Jesus Christ to a mere man, to over humanize the Son of God, do so in order to justify themselves and deny His holy judgment and standard they will come under. And yet the Bible promises us that “And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment: 28 So Christ was once offered to bear the sins of many; and unto them that look for him shall he appear the second time without sin unto salvation” (Hebrews 9:27-28).

“The deity of Christ is being stripped out of the hearts of modern day Christians. They are beginning to humanize Him and make Him more like us! He has become like a pal who laughs off sin. One who is non offensive, loves us unconditionally with no expectation of change. This view takes the fear of God right out of people’s hearts. They no longer see Him as having the power to send them to hell. Because He is now this sweet, non judgmental man who would never judge them. He has been taken off the throne of heaven and they have put themselves there in God’s place. And the whole purpose is so they can live as they please with no threat of being judged by a holy, righteous, all powerful God. ‘It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.’ Hebrews 10:31” Karen Cochran

“I came forth from the Father, and am come into the world: again, I leave the world, and go to the Father.” John 16:28

“And now, O Father, glorify thou me with thine own self with the glory which I had with thee before the world was.” John 17:5

“And Thomas answered and said unto him (Jesus), My Lord and my God.” John 20:28

“…Christ Jesus: Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God.” Philippians 2:5,6 (Jesus Christ is “equal with God” – on the same level – God Almighty, divine.)

“…God was manifest in the flesh…believed on in the world, received up into glory.” 1 Timothy 3:16

“For there are three that bear record in heaven, the Father, the Word, and the Holy Ghost: these three are one (there are three distinct, divine Persons in the Godhead and they are ‘one’ in substance and unity).” 1 John 5:7

“…Jesus Christ. This is the true God, and eternal life.” 1 John 5:20,21

“I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the ending, saith the Lord, which is, and which was, and which is to come, the Almighty.” Revelation 1:8

GOD CAME TO THE EARTH TO RESCUE MANKIND FROM CERTAIN DESTRUCTION:

“And the Word (Jesus Christ) was made flesh, and dwelt (pitched His tent) among us.” John 1:14

At the Father’s appointed time in history, Jesus Christ laid aside His divine form and “took upon him the form of a servant.” See Philippians 2:5-8. The eternal Word “took part” of human flesh by being born of a virgin in an earthly body like we now live in, so that He could pay the price for our sins (Hebrews 2:14, 15). Jesus became a man to redeem mankind. One of Jesus’ titles, Son of man, means God’s man to redeem man. You must closely study Hebrews 2:14, 15 for clear understanding.

“And she shall bring forth a son, and thou shalt call his name JESUS: for he shall save his people from their sins… and they shall call his name Emmanuel, which being interpreted is, GOD with us.” Matthew 1:21-23

IF YOU DENY THAT JESUS CHRIST IS GOD “ALMIGHTY” (Revelation 1:8), you have called God a liar, are not saved, and are an antichrist. Jesus Christ, the eternal Word of God, is “Emmanuel, which being interpreted is, God with us” (Matthew 1:23).

“Behold, a virgin shall be with child, and shall bring forth a son, and they shall call his name Emmanuel, which being interpreted is, God with us.” Matthew 1:23

Anyone who rejects the “record that God gave of his Son,” of Jesus Christ, given us in the Bible, is an antichrist (1 John 5:10).

“Who is a liar but he that denieth that Jesus is the Christ (Messiah)? He is antichrist, that denieth the Father and the Son. 23 Whosoever denieth the Son, the same hath not the Father: (but) he that acknowledgeth the Son hath the Father also.” 1 John 2:22-23

And the Messiah, the Son of God, was foretold to be “The Mighty GOD” and “God with us” (Isaiah 7:14; 9:6,7; Matthew 1:23).

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“And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father,) full of grace and truth.” John 1:14 “Begotten” means “to father” WHY does the King James Bible use the word “begotten” when informing us of the Messiah? (John 1:14, 18; 3:16; Hebrews 11:17; 1 John 4:9) Firstly, the translators faithfully translated as the LORD ordained and oversaw and guided such. Secondly, the arch enemy of Christ, Satan, has been hard at work through evil men to steal the testimony and the glory due to the […]

Upholding Jesus, the Only Head of His Body [podcast]

YOUR first thought when you hear “God” or “Christianity” should be JESUS! Not some church, pastor, or church program! The ministry continually receives emails from people who have latched on to some mere man, his personality – instead of worshipping Christ supremely (Colossians 2:18-19). And in doing so, they defend those mere men angrily, doggedly, having never stopped to put them to the biblical test. “Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try (test) the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world.” 1 John 4:1 “Not everything is at it seems. Their […]

Redemption Through Sacrifice

The Glories of the Scarlet Thread (Few things could be this important to your spiritual life) When the man and woman whom God had created chose to sin against Him, He separated them from His presence. They attempted to cover their nakedness by sewing fig leaves together and girding them around their waists (Gen. 2:7). This was man’s attempt to cover his own sin and shame. “The aprons of fig leaves speak of man’s attempt to save himself by a bloodless religion of good works.” William MacDonald God did not honor the fig leaves so He shed the blood of […]