Unconditional Love and Acceptance?

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Martin Bobgan, PhD.

Among the stellar emotional needs of humanistic psychology are unconditional acceptance, unconditional self-regard, unconditional self-acceptance, and unconditional love. The meaning of the word unconditional is “without conditions or reservations; absolute.”1 The practical extension of the theories of unconditional love is a permissive attitude and a morally nonrestrictive atmosphere. That means no conditions or restrictions in child rearing, counseling, and other human relationships. Since the parent or counselor is to be giving unconditional love, it must be an absolute love, unrestricted by human feelings or failings, since the very meaning of the word is “absolute.” But, if there is any absolute when it comes to love, it is that human love is limited. It is not what it was originally created to be, even in the best of people and circumstances, except when Jesus Himself is loving in and through a person.

Adler and Maslow considered these “unconditionals” to be basic human needs, essential to a person’s sense of wellbeing. They taught that people need to be loved and accepted unconditionally—without any conditions of performance. Thus their followers teach that parents must love and accept their children unconditionally. Moreover, they encourage all people to love and accept themselves unconditionally.

Adler, Maslow, Rogers and others believed that a human being will find answers to his own dilemmas and naturally blossom into his best self in an atmosphere of unconditional love and acceptance, by which they meant a permissive, unstructured atmosphere. Nevertheless, as much as they would like to think that they themselves loved their clients unconditionally, the truth of the matter is this: people are not able to love unconditionally.

The Myth of Unconditional Love

Unconditional love is a myth. That is because the human is naturally self-biased and the human heart is so deceitful that one can fool himself into thinking that he is loving unconditionally, when in fact he has all kinds of conditions. For instance, what kind of unconditional love and unconditional positive regard is at work when the client can no longer pay for services and therapy is discontinued? Furthermore, even the most nondirective counselors express approval or disapproval in subtle, if not direct, ways.2

The idea of people improving their life in an atmosphere of unconditional love is founded on the premise that people are born good and that their natural inclination to goodness is thwarted by their environment (mainly parents). In such a system, self is the victim of society but finds salvation, freedom, and fulfillment through unconditional self-love and self-acceptance. Unconditional love cannot be based upon performance or it wouldn’t be unconditional. Therefore, it must be based on the intrinsic worth of the person. Paul Brownback, in his book The Danger of Self-Love, explains it this way:

. . . by unconditional love we are speaking of love on the basis of being rather than doing. One implication of this teaching is the place of grandeur that it gives to the human being. I am lovable just because I am human; therefore being human, in and of itself, regardless of what I do with my humanness, must have some sort of independent value or worth. It is by itself a sufficient claim to respect and esteem.3

Thus, according to these self theories, everyone is born with the right to receive unconditional love and unconditional acceptance throughout his entire life, no matter what!

Pastors assigned to shepherd God’s flocks, should have been alert to the subtleties of deception that would turn a believer’s eyes from God to self. But alas, rather than warning the sheep, many of the shepherds have joined the psychologists and embrace their teachings of unconditional love and unconditional acceptance.

A Misunderstanding of God’s Love

The basis for their eager embrace is a misunderstanding of the love of God which passes knowledge. They equate unconditional love and acceptance with the fact that God’s love is vast, unfathomable, and unmerited. Then they follow that with the idea that if God loves and accepts people unconditionally, they should also love and accept themselves unconditionally. While this may sound like a logical progression, there are some serious problems with the basic assumptions. Therefore, we must address the question: Is God’s love unconditional? Are there any conditions that must be met to become a recipient of His love?

Paul prayed that the believers in Ephesus would be able to comprehend the breadth, length, depth and height of God’s love. He desired that they know the love of Christ, which surpasses knowledge, so that they would be filled with the fullness of God (Ephesians 3:16-19). The wide expanse of God’s love has been the theme of the gospel throughout the ages, for to know His love is to know Him. Therefore, any consideration of His love is highly important and must be based upon His revelation of Himself rather than upon the imagination of men.

Love According to Secular Humanism

Ever since the rise of secular humanism in this country and especially since the establishment of humanistic psychology, the popular, “relevant” term to describe God’s love has been unconditional. The thrust of this word in humanistic psychology has been both to give and to expect unconditional love from one another with no strings attached. While unconditional love and acceptance supposedly promote change and growth, they make no requirements. But God, who is love, requires and produces radical change—new life—and He enables His children to grow in righteousness.

In humanistic psychology, parents and society are always the culprits. Since they believe that every person is born with intrinsic worth and innate goodness, psychologists contend that one main reason people experience emotional and behavioral problems is because they have not received unconditional love from their parents. Following that thesis, Christians have come to believe that the best kind of love is unconditional love. It is the highest love secular humanists know. It is touted as a love that makes no demands for performance, good behavior, or the like. It has also been associated with a kind of permissiveness, since it makes no demands and has no conditions, even though the promoters of the unconditional love jargon would say that unconditional love does not have to dispense with discipline.

God’s Love Revealed through Scripture

Because the concept of unconditional love permeates society and because it is often thought of as the highest form of human love, it is natural for a Christian to use this term to describe God. After all, His love is far greater than any human love imaginable. God’s love for humanity is so great that “He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life” (John 3:16). Oh, the magnitude of the cost! We cannot even fathom His love even though our very breath depends upon it! His love indeed reaches to the heights and depths. Nevertheless, is God’s love truly unconditional?

God’s love is available to human beings by grace alone. There is nothing anyone can do to earn that love. There is no good work that is either demanded or even possible. Does that make God’s love unconditional? Because unconditional love is absolute and without any conditions whatsoever, all men would be saved if God’s love were unconditional. But that would be universalism. That would nullify the need for Christ’s sacrificial death and God’s condition of salvation by grace through faith.

We must also ask, does God’s love apply to the person who has sinned against the Holy Spirit by refusing to receive His grace throughout his lifetime and who is destined for hell? God chooses upon whom He will place His love and the benefits of his love. Did Jesus ever imply that God’s love is unconditional? He said to His disciples:

He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him (John 14:21).

One might argue, however, that the story of the prodigal son proves unconditional love. It indeed illustrates the vastness of God’s love, forgiveness and longsuffering. However, the son repented. If he had had a prosperous evil life he may never have repented. And while the father would have waited and hoped, he would not have extended his love. After all, he did not go out searching for him to support his folly. Up to a point this seems to indicate unconditional love, and yet, God is not waiting in ignorance, not knowing what those for whom His son died might be doing. He knows, and there comes a time when those who have refused his offer of love and forgiveness die and face the judgment. It is difficult enough to understand God’s love without adding the term unconditional which is loaded with secular, humanistic, psychological connotations. The story of the prodigal son teaches grace, forgiveness and mercy—but unconditional love? No!

While God loves with a greater love than humans can comprehend, His holiness and justice also must be taken into consideration. Therefore the term unconditional love is inadequate for defining God. It does not account for God’s reaction to pompous men who devise plans against Him and His anointed. The psalmist goes so far as to say:

He that sitteth in the heavens shall laugh: the Lord shall have them in derision. Then shall he speak to them in his wrath, and vex them in his sore displeasure (Psalm 2:4-5).

And what about Lot’s wife as she turned to look at the smoldering cities? Or what about Jesus’ words to the cities that refused to repent?

Woe unto thee, Chorazin! woe unto thee, Bethsaida! for if the mighty works, which were done in you, had been done in Tyre and Sidon, they would have repented long ago in sackcloth and ashes. But I say unto you, It shall be more tolerable for Tyre and Sidon at the day of judgment, than for you. And thou, Capernaum, which art exalted unto heaven, shalt be brought down to hell . . . . it shall be more tolerable for the land of Sodom in the day of judgment, than for thee (Matthew 11:21-24).

Does that sound like unconditional love?

But perhaps one could say that God’s love for the Christian is unconditional since the Christian partakes of His love and grace through faith. Wouldn’t it be better to say that the conditions have been met? Jesus met the first condition, to wash away the sin that God hates. The believer meets the second condition by grace through faith. Or, perhaps it would be better to say that God’s love extended to a person is conditioned by His plan to give eternal life to those who believe on His Son. The conditions of God’s love are resident within Himself.

There is a strong temptation to use vocabulary that is popular in society in order to make Christianity sound relevant. Christians have something far better than what the world offers, but in expressing that good news they confuse people by using words that are already loaded with humanistic connotations and systems of thought. It would be better not to use the expression unconditional love when describing God’s love. There are plenty of other good words.

In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him.

Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. . . .
And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him (1 John 4:9, 10, 16).

The incomprehensible magnitude of God’s love surpasses any concept of love devised by humanistic psychologists. The doctrine of unconditional love is a myth that glorifies man rather than God.

1. Webster’s New Universal Unabridged Dictionary, Second Edition, 1983.
2. Jay Haley. Strategies of Psychotherapy. New York: Grune & Stratton, Inc., 1963, pp. 71, 82.
3. Paul Brownback. The Danger of Self-Love. Chicago: Moody Press, 1982, p. 66.

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Billy Graham Still Sending Converts Back to the Pope

Billy Graham. We know that his messages are solid gospel. Few in or out of the Christian World have not heard of him. Since 1949 he has held the spotlight as the most prominent evangelist in Christendom. He has just finished his 416th crusade in Pasadena, California that drew over 300,000 people in four days. 13,000+ responded to his altar calls. Graham is now 86 years old and has one more crusade scheduled in New York City next year, health permitting.

The Pasadena crusade was on the anniversary of his first Los Angeles revival 55 years ago. It was after that meeting that Graham was “kissed by William Randolph Hearst” according to Dr Cathy Burns in her book, Billy Graham and His Friends. This meant that Hearst had decided to promote Graham’s ministry in his nationwide chain of newspapers.

Immediately, reporters and photographers were crawling all over the Graham meetings. Front page articles began to appear in the leading local papers wherever Graham held meetings. One reporter was assigned full time to travel with Graham’s team.

In 1991, Graham claimed that this sudden attention remained a mystery. Burns describes a more complex scenario. Regardless, the publicity propelled Graham into the national, if not international, limelight.

Jesus warned, “Woe unto you, when all men shall speak well of you.” Over the years, Graham became the friend of presidents and kings, a beloved “America’s Pastor.”

But the fame came with a price. In his book, Smokescreens, written in 1983, Jack Chick describes how Roman Catholic leaders viewed and used Graham as a key player in their ecumenical plans. As early as 1965, he was a guest speaker at Catholic Belmont Abbey College in North Carolina where he received an honorary doctor’s degree. A college official’s letter describes Graham’s address as “theologically sound” as may have been given by “any other Catholic preacher.” The letter further states, “I would state that he could bring Catholics and Protestants together in a healthy ecumenic spirit.” Graham was also speaking at several other Catholic colleges at that time.

This prediction was fully realized. In Smokescreens, Chick shows various illustrations. In 1971 Graham is shown meeting with Oakland, California, Catholic Bishop Floyd Begin who lauded Graham’s ministry. In 1972 he received a Franciscan Friars’ award for true ecumenism. In 1979 Graham praised the pope as a “moral and spiritual leader that believes in something.”

In 1981 he was closeted for almost two hours with Pope John Paul II. After the 1982 New England crusade, thousands of those who went forward for salvation were turned over to Catholic clergy for follow-up.

And this hasn’t changed. Before the Pasadena crusade this year, The Tidings, official newspaper for the Los Angeles diocese, reported that Cardinal Mahony had written to parish priests to encourage their members to attend the crusade.

Crusade officials bragged that they had “a marvelous agreement” with Graham to give all registration cards to the diocese, of the inquirers who identified themselves as Catholic. The object was to “reincorporate Catholic Crusade participants back into full sacramental life in the Catholic Church.” “This is ecumenicity at it finest,” said Alexei Smith, Ecumenical and Interreligious Officer for the archdiocese.

There is no doubt that hundreds of thousands have been swept into the kingdom during the Graham crusades. But how tragic that so many who responded to Graham’s call to salvation were then sent back to the spiritual bondage and pagan rituals of the pope’s prostitute church?

Jack Chick concludes the Smokescreens chapter: “Yes, beloved. Billy Graham, as much as I love him and hate to say it, I believe was cleverly used as a smokescreen and as a pied piper for the whore of Revelation.”

In Graham’s 1952 Pittsburgh crusade, the Pittsburgh Sun-Telegraph reported that Graham said:

“Many of the people who reach a decision for Christ at our meetings have joined the Catholic Church and we have received commendations from Catholic publications for the revived interest in their Church following our campaigns. This happened both in Boston and Washington. After all, one of our prime purposes is to help the churches in a community. If after we move on, the local (sic) churches do not feel the efforts of these meetings in increased membership and attendance, then our crusade would have to be considered a failure.” [Emphasis in the original.]

Did you notice that Graham was only interested in a church’s increased membership-but nothing was said about a person receiving Christ as his or her personal Lord and Savior. This is what is important-not church membership! Church membership could increase a 1000-fold but if people are not being saved, then all is in vain.

Graham also gave a boost to the Catholic Church (in 1952) when he added that he “hoped to hear Bishop Fulton J. Sheen at one of the masses at St. Paul’s Cathedral tomorrow. ” [Emphasis in the original.]

“In 1968, Graham was in a meeting in San Antonio, Texas. He said that the Roman Church had given ‘tremendous cooperation’ in areas where he had held crusades. He added, ‘A great part of our support today comes from Catholics. We never hold a crusade without priests and nuns being much in evidence in the audience.”
By 1973 nuns were singing in the choir at Graham’s crusades.

Continuing on with Graham’s ecumenical outlook, the June 10, 1966 issue of Time said that volunteers “will tactfully receive those stepping forward to make a decision for Christ, [and] steer them to the nearest church of their chosen denomination….”

In Poland in 1978, “Graham taught nuns and priests how to evangelize. A picture taken at the famous Polish Shrine of the Black Madonna shows Graham welcoming pilgrims to the worship of their Virgin.”

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“Confirming the souls of the disciples, and exhorting them to continue in the faith, and that we must through much tribulation enter into the kingdom of God.” Acts 14:22

“In the world ye shall have tribulation”

“These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

During seasons of great stress, this man after God’s own heart sought the LORD. This time only served as a blessing, hastening David to the feet of Christ. Beloved David gave us the most amazing Scriptures concerning seeking God.

“My soul followeth hard after thee.” Psalms 63:8

“As the hart panteth after the water brooks, so panteth my soul after thee, O God. 2 My soul thirsteth for God, for the living God: when shall I come and appear before God?” Psalms 42:1-2

“One thing have I desired of the LORD, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD, and to enquire in his temple.” Psalms 27:4

“When thou saidst, Seek ye my face; my heart said unto thee, Thy face, LORD, will I seek.” Psalms 27:8

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“The Love of Many Shall Wax Cold”

“And then shall many be offended, and shall betray one another, and shall hate one another. 11 And many false prophets shall rise, and shall deceive many. 12 And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold. 13 But he that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved. 14 And this gospel of the kingdom shall be preached in all the world for a witness unto all nations; and then shall the end come.” Matthew 24:10-14

Did you notice in verse 14 that those who hot for Jesus are participating in the preaching of His Word to the end of the earth (Mark 16:15).

Anyone not devouring God’s Word daily is falling away, is not enduring to the end, is choosing the let their love for Jesus wax cold, and on the wrong, the losing end of this prophecy Jesus gave here on record in Matthew 24:10-14.

“I will spue (vomit, reject) thee out of my mouth”

“So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth. 17 Because thou sayest, I am rich, and increased with goods, and have need of nothing; and knowest not that thou art wretched, and miserable, and poor, and blind, and naked:” Revelation 3:16-17

Praying God will help you love Him more (Matthew 22:37-40). It really all boils down to WHO we love most. THAT is exactly who we are serving (Romans 6:16).

Loving God is everything as far as what’s in our control – because it’s a choice, daily, and will determine if one remains in Christ to the end.

“Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. 38 This is the first and great commandment. 39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. 40 On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.” Matthew 22:37-40

“Thou hast left thy first love”

“Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast left thy first love. 5 Remember therefore from whence thou art fallen, and repent, and do the first works; or else I will come unto thee quickly, and will remove thy candlestick out of his place, except thou repent.” Revelation 2:4-5

1. When you are choosing not to spend quality time with God in prayer each and every morning… When you are choosing not to spend quality time with God in His Word each and every morning (Luke 9:23-24; 1 Chronicles 16:11).

2. When your love for God’s people is being reduced instead of increased (Philippians 2:12-13; 1 John 5:1) Marks of the True Christian …. “Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good. 10 Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another; 11 Not slothful in business; fervent in spirit; serving the Lord;” (Romans 12:9-11) See John 13:35.

“And it was told him by certain which said, Thy mother and thy brethren stand without, desiring to see thee. 21 And he answered and said unto them, My mother and my brethren are these which hear the word of God, and do it.” Luke 8:20-21

“We know that we have passed from death unto life, because we love the brethren. He that loveth not his brother abideth in death.” 1 John 3:14

“Whosoever believeth that Jesus is the Christ is born of God: and every one that loveth him that begat loveth him also that is begotten of him.” 1 John 5:1

Reading 1 Corinthians 13 today will refresh your heart and mind on the divine importance placed upon LOVE.

3. You are not denying self and not taking up the cross daily (Luke 9:23-24; 19:27; Galatians 2:20; Colossians 3:3, etc.).

4. You aren’t communicating the light of truth to others because you no longer seek or fear the LORD and so His divine virtue isn’t teeming in and flowing out of you. Your cup no longer runs over but instead is running empty (Psalms 23). You have a lampshade over the light and are not letting His light shine in and through your life and words… “Cry aloud, spare not, lift up thy voice like a trumpet, and shew my people their transgression, and the house of Jacob their sins.” (Isaiah 58:1)

5. You live in fear instead of faith and the joy of being with Jesus (Luke 21:28; 1 John 4:16-18; Proverbs 28:1; Psalms 2:11).

6. You preach promises and not conditions…following the apostate modern church and you don’t preach the cardinal doctrines of the original Gospel which we are commanded to “earnest contend for.” (Jude 3) You begin meditating on and living by trends instead of truth (Jeremiah 9:3; 2 Timothy 4:2-4; Philippians 4:8; Romans 12:1-2).

7. You have little or no true fellowship with other born- again Bible believing disciples of Jesus as is defined in God’s Word and not by the modern church world (Acts 2:42).

The Word of God is to run rich, to be abundant among God’s people … “In all wisdom” and “all in the name of the Lord Jesus” … “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. 17 And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.” (Colossians 3:16-17)

8. You know you are backsliding when your main thrust and identity become politics, not the work of the Gospel. YOU are a blood bought disciple of Jesus, not a conservative. You are a Bible believing follower of Christ (Luke 9:62; Galatians 6:14).

9. When you love this world…..When you spend more time and money on hobbies and the things of this fleeting world than you do on attending to knowing, walking with the LORD and preparing to be used of Him (Mark 4:17-19; 1 John 2:15; James 4:4).

10. When you spend more money on trash and trinkets then helping the work of the One you claim to love and the poor. You know you are backslidden when you are not obeying God with what He’s placing in your temporal possession. He shall bring you into full account for this.

Regrettably, people will give their money to any and every pleasure under the sun but make excuses when the opportunity to support the work of the One they claim to love and serve. The Holy Spirit foretold that in the final days before the return of Jesus, there would be those with a mere “form of godliness”, “men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous,” and “lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God.” (2 Timothy 3:1-7) According to the LORD, one of the main ways to measure our true love for Him or lack thereof, is by peering into our personal stewardship of the resources He’s placed into our temporary possession. Luke 12 and 16 offer a plethora of divine wisdom and warning concerning the judgment to come, the judgment we shall endure in giving account for our stewardship in this life.

The clear proof that God is working in our lives, that we are truly following Jesus, is that we are becoming less and less vested in this fleeting, fallen world (James 4:4; 1 John 2:15-17). And that we, our good works, our giving are more and more invested in eternity – in the eternal kingdom of Christ, laying up treasures in Heaven, sending them before us, relinquishing the things of this world for the glory of God – putting them to work for the eternal Gospel of Christ – for saints to be fed and equipped and the lost to hear the Word of God (Matt. 6:19-21).

“Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: 20 But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: 21 For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. 22 The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light. 23 But if thine eye be evil, thy whole body shall be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in thee be darkness, how great is that darkness! 24 No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.” Matthew 6:19-24

To underscore the importance of stewardship, we should realize that 16 of our LORD’s 38 parables involved stewardship. Those who now do not wish to face and confront this truth, are apparently those who are in the most need of hearing it.

PRAYER: Father I come to You now in the name of Jesus Christ. Please cause my conscience to be super sensitive to Your conviction, Your leading, and to evade all that defiles me in Your holy eyes, sin. Here and now I submit my life afresh to You dear LORD. You must increase but I must decrease. I am crucified with Christ and thank You for conforming me to His holy image. I am all Yours LORD and thank You that You are all mine. I love You Jesus. Please make me one with You and the Father and with Your beloved body. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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